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Old 06-08-2009, 11:17 AM   #1
So Amazingly Happy
 
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I'm a Lady
Living in Lacey, WA

Needing advice from parents

I've been having troubles with my youngest for the past few months it seems. She cries every single morning.. EVERY MORNING.. My little girl who used to be the happiest kid on earth is absolutely miserable.. and every day she's crying for one reason or another.. never the same reason.. and she's starting to do it in the evenings too..

*correction.. she's crying on days that she doesn't get to stay home. And to add.. when I drop her off at her dad's, she cries then too.. but sometimes when I go to pick her up, she cries..

From my perspective.. she's focusing on anything negative that she can find.. When I left this morning.. I was happy.. the sun was shining.. and I was on time.. for her.. it was about the games that her friends play that she doesn't like..

I'm trying to teach her to focus on positive things and not negative.. but it's not working.. she's not grasping the concept.. She's not quite 6-years-old yet.

I've tried being stern with her to let her know I'm not dealing with this crud.. I've tried being loving.. I've tried ignoring.. I'm at a loss on how to deal with it.. better yet, to make it STOP..

Is this a phase? Should I be concerned and speak to her doctor about this? Should I give her something to cry about? It's really wearing me thin....
 
Old 06-08-2009, 11:57 AM   #2
miss-communicator
 
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i have nooooo idea. Sometimes they say its attention- is she wanting it regardless if its negative or positive from you? Does she do the same thing with dad? I doubt its time to see a dr yet- give it a little time and work on some "process of elimination" and see if you notice a patern
 
Old 06-08-2009, 12:24 PM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rockerchic View Post
Sometimes they say its attention- is she wanting it regardless if its negative or positive from you?
, for my boy it was mostly a phase. He wanted 24/7 attention from his mom and would act out if he didn't feel like he was getting it. He'd climb all over her and hang on her constantly. If I sat with her he'd either try to sit between us or on her lap. If he didn't get his way, he'd cry or just huff and puff and pout.
As he's gotten older (he's 8 now) it's died down. He's gotten more independent and developed his own identity. He still has some days like that but not like he did when he was younger.
I think it's just part of the process of developing. They start coming into their own and being more of an individual but at the same time they fight it because it's change. If you're in a new relationship too, that change may be viewed as competition for your attention. So she may act out to 'stake a claim'. Dr.? nah, but reassure her that change is ok. Maybe take her out for a mom/daughter day with just the two of you or something?

Or, I don't know what I'm talking about.
 
Old 06-08-2009, 05:25 PM   #4
miss-communicator
 
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OHHHH, I think Sin is on to something- with the addition of you having a new sweetie, I betchya anything your daughter see's this as a threat and loosing some of your attention. YUP YUP Bet thats it- boy sin, you might just know something
 
Old 06-08-2009, 06:02 PM   #5
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first time for everything I guess!
 
Old 06-08-2009, 09:00 PM   #6
Litte Mary Sunshine
 
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Living in just this of side of hell

You say different reasons. Kids are just small adults. If you ask a kid how they feel, 99 times out of 100, they will say fine. Ask an open ended question, like " if you had ONE wish today what would it be?" Children like to be a part of their destiny, at any age. The best advice I got was get down on the floor and see things thru your kid's eyes. She's six. She's seen divorce and now we have Norm, great as he may be, look at it thru her eyes. Not to be brash, but have you ASKED her how she feels about it? Have you told her that this relationship has nothing to do with how much you love her? Not trying to be a bitch, just tired and trying to respond quickly. Don't ask why she is crying, chances are she doesn't know. Ask her how you can make her day perfect. Ask her what she wants. Although the answer may be convoluted, being the great parent you are, you will get your answer.
 
Old 06-08-2009, 09:58 PM   #7
So Amazingly Happy
 
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Living in Lacey, WA

^^Thanks Dorian. I keep thinking it doesn't have much to do with my current relationship since I really haven't involved the kids with it too much yet - just a few play dates but I suppose it could be. And I believe I can nearly quote her when she said "you two act like boyfriend and girlfriend but you aren't!". She's already said that she's not okay with us being bf/gf.. and then brings up her dad. It's been nearly 2.5 years since we seperated.. I don't even know if she REMEMBERS us being together.. IDK.. Maybe it has something to do with it.. but Rob informed me today that she's not this way around him so I'm just putting a stop to it (or so I say I am).. it's wearing me down and I'm starting to feel slightly abused or played if that makes any sense.
 
Old 06-09-2009, 04:46 AM   #8
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Kids are very sensitive and shes the baby in the family. I can almost guarantee she remembers when her dad was home. She doesn't want to share you and shes jealous but she probably doesn't' even know why shes having these feelings. Believe me they are just as upsetting to her as they are to you. She's not sure where her place is. Sit her down and tell her you Love her unconditionally and No One will ever take that love from her. But unless she wants Mom to tag along with her and her friends for the rest of her life go on dates, slumber parties ect. Then she must understand that Mom needs friend time to and its OK to be upset but its not going to change Mom having a friend.
Even little girls have hormones, even little girls know how to manipulate and when she cries she gets a world of attention. I would reasure her but I would also make it clear I have to have my own time to. But I would also make a standing date with just you and her to have Mommy, daughter time.
 
Old 06-09-2009, 08:10 AM   #9
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I'm not a parent, but I am a child of divorce, so I hope the perspective is useful.

I was a little older than she was when my parents separated, and it was the end of my world. Every time I was instructed to "make a wish", I wished for my family back again. No amount of "this isn't about you" and "this doesn't mean we love you any less" got through and made a difference. At some point I realized it on my own. She may learn differently than I do though, and I think it's important that she hear that (I'm sure you're already saying this, but it bears repeating).

I don't know if I consciously resented anyone that either of my parents were dating afterward. I got along with some and not with others. But thinking back, I'm pretty sure those relationships affected my moods one way or another. I like the idea of having regular mother/daughter time that she can count on, balanced with some firmness (ie not giving in every time she cries). One thing I didn't get (and now looking back, really missed) growing up was consistency.
 
Old 06-09-2009, 04:03 PM   #10
miss-communicator
 
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Living in spokane

I can tell ya the 12 year old absolutely loves me, but he is very clear that he would prefer to see his dad get back with the ex (step mom, but in the pic since he was 2). His attitude is ALWAYS at its worse after getting off the phone with the her- the most recent was when she said she was dating a new guy. He was a total ass- and it was hard to not take it personal. he later fessed up his shitty attitude was attributed to learning the news of a new bf...
 
Old 06-09-2009, 09:05 PM   #11
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for once I actually don't have $0.02 to contribute and I wish I dided so I'll just wish you the best
 
Old 06-10-2009, 10:08 PM   #12
Litte Mary Sunshine
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Washingtonblonde View Post
^^Thanks Dorian. I keep thinking it doesn't have much to do with my current relationship since I really haven't involved the kids with it too much yet - just a few play dates but I suppose it could be. And I believe I can nearly quote her when she said "you two act like boyfriend and girlfriend but you aren't!". She's already said that she's not okay with us being bf/gf.. and then brings up her dad. It's been nearly 2.5 years since we seperated.. I don't even know if she REMEMBERS us being together.. IDK.. Maybe it has something to do with it.. but Rob informed me today that she's not this way around him so I'm just putting a stop to it (or so I say I am).. it's wearing me down and I'm starting to feel slightly abused or played if that makes any sense.
Maybe that's the problem. People are always so certain if they don't expose their children to something they will never now. Doesn't work that way. We don't give kids enough credit. They are not sentative, they are HYPER sensative. By the statment she made, I would say, be up front with her, she obviously already knows. Saying that, she probably wants to know what is going to happen to her dad now that Norm is in the picture. Will she see him again? Will you and Norm get together and move? Kids think about stuff like these. I would, personally; especially if my kid was talking about the relationship; start being more open about it.

Again, kids know. She may be stressed by feeling that you are trying to keep something from her.
 
Old 06-10-2009, 11:28 PM   #13
So Amazingly Happy
 
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Thanks Dorian..I think we got a little more insight today. Had Norm over for dinner and she was pretty pretective of me, not to mention semi-rude to Norm. Again stressed how he's Not my boyfriend and even went as far as to tell me that we can't get married. And made mention that he's not allowed to take me away from her.. Even though she said that Norm's a nice man..

I think mommy has a lot of talking to do with the little one..... pronto...
 
Old 06-11-2009, 05:20 PM   #14
Litte Mary Sunshine
 
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I'm a Girl
Living in just this of side of hell

Quote:
Originally Posted by Washingtonblonde View Post
Thanks Dorian..I think we got a little more insight today. Had Norm over for dinner and she was pretty pretective of me, not to mention semi-rude to Norm. Again stressed how he's Not my boyfriend and even went as far as to tell me that we can't get married. And made mention that he's not allowed to take me away from her.. Even though she said that Norm's a nice man..

I think mommy has a lot of talking to do with the little one..... pronto...
lol - I remember when my oldest hurled a plate of pasta on a guy I was dating I knothw you are doing the right thing. Hun, I was a single mom too. It is tough. There comes a time when you have to talk to them. Your little lady is mature and smart,......mmmm..wonder where she got that from. I hate to tell ya babe, but the best thing that can happen at this time and point, Norm and her go to lunch. This is not fast forwarding your relationship, but don't you think she has a right to know what is going on, in a 6 year olds perspective.
 
Old 06-12-2009, 09:02 AM   #15
So Amazingly Happy
 
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I'm a Lady
Living in Lacey, WA

Invited her to snuggle with me last night and we talked.. She wanted to talk about ourselves.. and she did ask about Norm and what we do. She wants for me and her dad to be together and she says it's sad for children when their parents aren't together.. I asked if she even remembered him living at our house and she said no. I'm working it.. I'm communicating and will continue to. I kept the kids out of things because I felt it was the right thing to do.. at least until I knew what direction things were going.. now I just need to catch them up I guess.
 
Old 06-12-2009, 04:27 PM   #16
Litte Mary Sunshine
 
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I'm a Girl
Living in just this of side of hell

you are one of most awesome parents ever!! And don't fret, it will get easier on her as she grows. At six it's hard to comprehend anything but SpongeBob and candy
 
Old 06-13-2009, 05:52 PM   #17
So Amazingly Happy
 
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I'm a Lady
Living in Lacey, WA

^^funny because we're watching sponge bob right now..
 
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