MrsD

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Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, its about learning to dance in the rain-Go Dance

TeashaMae

I think you said it perfectly. It sounds to me like they are having serious issues with the whole intimancy thing. Maybe it's cause she just had the baby? Maybe he's a bit freaked out also due to just having the baby, and well sex sometimes ='s babies?

Has this how it's always been? Why did she marry him if the sexual aspect wasn't all there?

But good for her for going and getting help. Even if they don't end up staying together, at least they gave it the ole college try, and maybe end it not so bitter?

IDK, that's a toughy. And people always wonder why I don't want to get married

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MrsD

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Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, its about learning to dance in the rain-Go Dance

Washingtonblonde

Okay – I’m certainly no expert but I’ll let you in on my feelings of the situation and a little of my own experience(s).

My mom and I are close. And when I was young, married and with child I would call her EVERY SINGLE DAY.. and if I had issues in my marriage, she’s the one I turned to. And I have to give props to my mom because no matter how bad the situation, she was always level headed, she was always civil if not friendly towards my husband and she always managed to be there for me without really giving me advice. She let me find my own way but always let me know that she was RIGHT THERE no matter what. I am so thankful that she is the way she is.. because knowing myself and knowing the nature of other people – people have to learn from their own doing (be it a mistake or not).

So – from the way I’ve been raised, my advice to you is to not give advice. Just be there for her.

I would also like to add this.. Running to my mom for everything DID cause problems in my marriage. It was phrased as “bad mouthing” by my husband.. and in hindsight, I realize that turning to my mom probably wasn’t the best thing for my marriage.

Now the issue of sexual problems. I believe it was you that asked in another thread that if there was a problem with the equipment, would you be okay with it. I think this applies here. Keep in mind every person is different. One of my partners was somewhat like this, once they were done – they were done! There was no going back for seconds. Can your daughter have a satisfying intimate bond with her husband without sex? Sounds like it really isn’t there.. doesn’t mean she can’t get it back though. I had fallen out of love/like with my husband back in ’01.. and went back to him reluctantly.. but he worked so hard.. and I DID fall back in love and things were great for a time.. And THANK GOD I did otherwise I wouldn’t have my little butterfly Chloe. But.. the real issues never really got fixed and our relationship was doomed to follow the same path.. which it did.

I have two thoughts about their bedroom relationship. First and MOST important. She needs to know that it’s not her fault. She needs to know that his issue is not a reflection of her. Second, what is foreplay to them? I was in a relationship where foreplay was a must before intercourse. Which included porn, dirty mags and pretty much every time a BJ. And I’ll tell you what.. I really started to hate BJ’s – and hating sex was shortly followed. It’s just my guess – but I’m guessing it might be the same for her. And sorry – I don’t know how to fix it. You can’t fix things in the bedroom for them Mrs. D..

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I'm haivng curry tuna on cracked wheat sour dough / borckly cheader quiesh and wine

Miss Annette

Hmmmmmm.......the only thing I can say is I think it is absolutely AMAZING that you are so open with your daughter and that you are alway's there for her. My mom and I are not that open about sex or anything else. I don't feel comfortable confiding in her about anything. When I was 11 she told me "When you want to start having sex let me know so I can put you on birth control." And that was the extent of our sex talk.

I will also say that I wish with all my heart that my mom was open with me about sex and took the time and interest in me to explain the different aspects of sex and feelings etc. It sure would have made my life easier in so many different ways when it comes to men and sex.

So, I would say to keep on explaining to her or talking to her about what she should be feeling/experiencing when she has sex or is intimate in her relationship with her husband. Especially if he is the only guy she has EVER been with and so doesn't know what sex could be like. Maybe they just need to try different things in the bedroom etc.

Bikenut

jesus LaDena, you know you just scarred me for life, right Discussing sex with ANYONE besides an intimate partner is something I just can't do. I'm still trying to get over the trauma of when you posted about you and Duane having sex

This is what my mother told me about sex "Don't do it, and if you do, don't get pregnate'

Thank god for PNWLove cuz if you couldn't tell, I was a little flustered in this mornings conversation

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What if the hokey pokey really is what it's ALL about

MrsD

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Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, its about learning to dance in the rain-Go Dance

Bikenut

*crying* do you realize what you just did sis? You said it. You let other people know. I can't even express the, for a lack of a better word, pride I have right now.

What have I ALWAYS told you, you can't get over something til you hold it in your hand, examine it, deal with it and then disgard it.

I know that took incredible strenght to do. The funny part, I'm not even sure you know you did it.

What an amazing world when someone feels so comfortable within a social circle that they can be who they really are and gain support.

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What if the hokey pokey really is what it's ALL about

MrsD

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Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, its about learning to dance in the rain-Go Dance

CForce

/applaud MrsD!

jjoker

Agreed, or a jello shot, who's in?....I am!

SiX

I call Blue!

MrsD

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Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, its about learning to dance in the rain-Go Dance

jjoker

Frank: [Crying] You're my boy, Blue! You're my boy.

Blue! You're my boy!

CForce

Well, it's been a day of breakthroughs, sounds to me like it's time for another =).

ODiE

Don't mean to sound rude but I'm not reading that wall of text. Consider paragraphs.

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"Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it’s worth."

MrsD

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Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, its about learning to dance in the rain-Go Dance

SiX

I missed the jello shots. I barely left Food Camp.

cityxslicker

meh it happens, I dated a girl for 14 years, I cant even bare to think that I kissed her. At some point there is a switch, it just gets thrown, closes the circuit.
On the other hand, we lasted longer in our 'relationship' than 6 of my married friends and 4 of hers.

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Something pithy, sarcastic and rather opinionated... just waiting for the inspiration.

Bikenut

I still say shoot him...problem solved...sides its cheaper than the divorce

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What if the hokey pokey really is what it's ALL about

cityxslicker

Yep if you are buying ammo by the flat it could be less than a nickle to rid yourself of that problem

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Something pithy, sarcastic and rather opinionated... just waiting for the inspiration.

Washingtonblonde

Oh Jello shots!!!

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I'm haivng curry tuna on cracked wheat sour dough / borckly cheader quiesh and wine