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Old 01-07-2009, 06:26 PM   #1
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15 year old girl....

So I had no idea what to name this thread so that got your attention.

Anyways, I'm a counselor at a small summer camp, everyone is really close. Even when camp is out, I keep in contact with most of the campers.

One girl in specific really confides in me and uses me for advice.

I don't feel bad posting this because no way any of you will even meet her, and if you do you'll have no idea it's her.


Over the past few months she's been telling me about various boys she's been thinking about dating. At one point she was kinda semi not really dating 3 different guys.

I give her the standard advice "You gotta pick one, you can't keep playing so many guys"

bout a month ago she told a guy (not one of the original 3) snuck over to her house and "did stuff to her" (I eventually learn this to be fingering)


anyways past few weeks she's started asking all sorts of sexual questions.

When did I loose my V-Card? Etc. She asked because apparently a few boys had been "pressuring her" somehow. All this and she's not "dating" anyone.

I tell her that sex really isn't something to throw around at the age of 15 (yes fucking fifteen!) That she needs to actually date someone for a while before even thinking about ANY of that kind of stuff.


well I was talking to her today

"Big news!! I have a boyfriend!!"

i'm thinking...bout fucking time

then she says

"he convinced me to do something..."
I make a remark about "convinced....sure"

then she responds "It tasted so gross!!!!!!!!"

after I quit laughing my ass off I realized what just went down..

She JUST got a BF, and has already given him head.

apparently this was the boy who snuck over and fingered her a month back.

Turns out he hasn't even taken her out once yet!!!!!!


So I tell her the truth, that that was, in fact, quite slutty and not normal, especially at 15.

I tell her that she needs to date a guy for a while, NOT put out, and that's the only way she'll be able to tell if he actually cares about her at that age(15!!!!!!).

she mumbles, talks about how she likes it when he does stuff to her, and how that is different

I tell her him doing stuff to her is no different at all. Any guy will stay with her if she puts out.

She tells me she's not his first girl he's "done stuff" with, yet he hasn't had a GF since 8th grade (whom she knows and they didn't do anything)


DING DING DING DING

I tell her the dude sounds like he's just using her cause she puts out. he has a history of doing stuff with girls and not dating (At 15!!!) She needs to stop doing sexual stuff, make him take her out a few times and see if he sticks around.


My guess, she stops putting out, he'll be out the door.


I told her straight up that the way she's going, she's aiming to be a slut. I talked a little about normal dating educate (nothing on first date, kiss on second or making out if it goes realllllllly well, that for a while and only after time doing anything really sexual)

she responds that isn't how it works at her school, I tell her so don't be like them, don't just be another slut in the crowd. She responds she doesn't thinks she's a slut, I tell her at the rate she's going, it's not too far fetched (also considering she's told be about 6 different boys in the past month).

She agreed to cut him off, date and see if he sticks around for at least one date.



gah I don't know how else to get through to this girl. I just had to share this, when people confide in me, I tell them the straight truth, that's why people come to me. She really appreciated me being honest.


Is this really as fucked up as I'm thinking it is? I mean, she's 15!!!!!
 
Old 01-07-2009, 09:01 PM   #2
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you're doing everything you can as a mentor for her by giving her a lot of that advice. Sometimes some people just have to learn for themselves.
 
Old 01-07-2009, 10:30 PM   #3
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I know a LOT of girls that lost their v-card at the age of 15....
 
Old 01-07-2009, 10:38 PM   #4
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Just a thought. Is this girl an only child?
 
Old 01-08-2009, 02:29 AM   #5
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Originally Posted by dizzle View Post
you're doing everything you can as a mentor for her by giving her a lot of that advice. Sometimes some people just have to learn for themselves.


Also you cant "protect" her from the choices that she might make....
She is 15 and is in the stage that she wants to experiment with sexual things... You know you had the same idea when you got alittle "happy"

Just keep telling her that she doesnt need to put out, but if she does "which will be her choice, and really only hers" that to be safe
 
Old 01-08-2009, 09:47 AM   #6
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that or just do shock therapy on her ass.

show her a ton of porn and girls getting her asshole ripped open by dudes who have no consideration for women .. then tell her that this 15 year old boy will do the same to her.
 
Old 01-08-2009, 10:12 AM   #7
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Originally Posted by dizzle View Post
that or just do shock therapy on her ass.

show her a ton of porn and girls getting her asshole ripped open by dudes who have no consideration for women .. then tell her that this 15 year old boy will do the same to her.

Umm yeah an adult showing porn to a minor. Humm not the smartest thing to do in my book.
 
Old 01-08-2009, 10:22 AM   #8
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I think you are doing what you can...people will make their own mistakes, no matter how much you try to protect them. Just be there for her, and if she does decide to do the deed, provide her with protection and educate her on birth control.

Or like someone else said, do shock therapy...maybe not porn, but show her what STD's do, HIV/AIDS, what teen pregnancy does to someones life. That sorta thing and see if that doesn't help.
 
Old 01-08-2009, 10:26 AM   #9
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The only thing I would really hammer home is the choices she makes today can effect her for the rest of her life. It's very difficult to understand the scope of the world we live in at 15. Just educate her that whatever she chooses to do will effect her for the rest of her life.
 
Old 01-08-2009, 01:29 PM   #10
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oh for fuck's sake (no pun intended) you need to throw some safe sex education in there...she's about two fingerings away from home plate! Talk to her about birth control, condoms....and is there any particular reason you have not had an adult conversation (with out giving out details) with her parents???

Have you had a talk with the "boyfriend"?
 
Old 01-08-2009, 01:31 PM   #11
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Sadly, I'm aware of kids as young as 12 facing these freakin' decisions.

Kudos to you for telling her the straight facts. I would NOT show her any porn of any kind. By law, she's still a minor, even at 15.

I think it's great for a young impressionable female to hear the straight scoop, especially from a guy's point of view. And, the other posters are right: you can't teach someone their lessons -- they've gotta figure out for themselves.

I think you've gotta be a little careful here: from what I can tell, you were/are a male counselor and she was a female minor under your care at the camp. I know you mean well and it's good that you care about these kids. Sometimes they've got nowhere else to turn. If she keeps telling you more scoop, I would also counsel her to talk to her mom or some other adult relative: "You know, Jane, I really think you should talk to your Mom about this stuff." Just an idea ...
 
Old 01-08-2009, 02:59 PM   #12
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Originally Posted by Jet City Angel View Post
Sadly, I'm aware of kids as young as 12 facing these freakin' decisions.
I think I just threw up a little.

I had a LONG thread about this stuff on another forum that ended up getting locked because people refuse to admit to being wrong.

Some of this might be read out of context when pasted here and for that I'm sorry but I don't want to retype all this stuff and it should still convey my feelings on the whole mess.







Quote:
Originally Posted by Nathan V
IMO: Kids shouldn't be fucking each other. Period. If you're kid's messing around at 15 you didn't raise them right. Take a note, and fix it. 15 is too young to be out porking each other. They should be riding bicycles and climbing trees.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nathan V
Quote:
hmmm i think i will have to disagree with you. i had sexual experiences very early on and it had nothing to do with being raised right. i happened to get my first boyfriend right after my dad died, and really wanted the acceptance of a male in my life. i had a wonderful childhood filled with bikes and barbies and involved, loving parents. i then started hanging out with people who were bad influences. but i don't think it has anything to do with how i was raised.


As for your situation, I doubt that is the norm.

Look around online and check out the ages of girls getting pregnant and look at how they talk about sex and their pregnancy. They're just kids. Kids shouldn't be having, let alone screwing, kids. Most often they come from broken households or situations where the parents are uninvolved or grant them their every wish whenever possible because they think parents are supposed to keep their kids happy. People are a product of their environment. You admit to that in suggesting the bad influence of others.

None of my close friends through the years have kids outside of wedlock and none of them managed to have any before at minimum 21. None of us even started messing around until at least or about 18 years old.
(Editor's note: I know this poster personally, hence the 'situation' thing..)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nathan V
Quote:
i can respect what you say, because i have seen people who aren't making what would be considered smart choices and who end up having kids when they aren't ready for them, and yes, at younger and younger ages.
i do also agree that it is about your environment, but you were accusing the way a child is raised. i do agree that that is sometimes the case. but when i hit 13, i was already distancing myself from my family. not because of who they were, but because i just began to rebel. and i would never blame what i did on how i was raised. that is what i mean.

We ALL rebel at some point, it's how that's handled that makes a big difference. My mom and I still don't get along well on some points because of it. *shrug*

My point is that the parent CAN control FAR more of the environment as well as make more of an influence than most do anymore because we've become a society of "do what makes you happy" instead of "do what's right."
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nathan V
Quote:
i am glad you said that last part, because that's definitely what it is...
i think that my mom didn't know how to handle my rebelling, i admit. but i would never blame her for what i did. she tried many times to get through to me, had loving talks, was very open and accepting of me...she didn't know where i was coming from. didn't know what it was like to lose a father at a young age when the last words i said to him was "go to hell". she couldn't relate. she offered counseling, she threatened to send me to go live with my uber religious grandma, everything. but i just tuned her out.
i definitely respect and understand your opinions. i'm just saying that a parent truly can't control that much of a child's life. and the kids i've seen who have had that kind of parent turned out much worse in some cases. my mom must have done something right, because after a few years of my "rebellion", i began to really respect her and make better choices and become a kinder person in general.

That isn't entirely true, in a way. The younger they are the more influence the parent will have. How much outside influence is there for a kid who is 7 years old? TV, movies, school, friends, and parents. The first two are controllable at that age and the kids choice in friends can be influenced. At that age school is negligible since they're not going to get much exposure to R rated movies and adult oriented games or web content. As they get older the control options are less but the influence over all things is still there to an extent.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Nathan V
Quote:
Better to run that risk than that of an unwanted and life altering pregnancy.

Or they could just not have sex in the first place...


Quote:
I appreciate everyone's input but that's kinda harsh DJ?! That would imply that the majority of the posts made here were by kids (now adults) that had crappy parenting. I think we do the best job we can (as amatuers) and I don't blame my own parents for the choices I made as an adolescent.

It's even harder today to raise kids than the 25+ years ago when my parents were trying to raise me. There is far more exposure to sex via web/tv/billboards and the peer pressure it crazy. My friend and I discussed this to great length and when we were that age we may have been having sex but we weren't telling/bragging about it. The kids today act like it's a right of passage to being cool..."your still a virgin, OMG!"

I have seen your beautiful photog work and as a novice would not dare tell you your not doing it right! I suppose what I'm trying to say is that unless you have children and more on subject teens then perhaps you shouldn't judge so harshly. Especially when we are faced with this sort of information being shown to our kids daily by various media sources.
So what you're telling me is that people are somehow FORCED to believe that promiscuity is ok because it's on TV? Are you also suggesting that a parent who is involved in and takes interest in their child's life and behavior can't balance and or control a large part of that input? I'm curious how that works or how you could possibly come to see that. I have been a part of the lives of many many different families and the lives of many more kids and I have plenty of examples of kids raised in the last few years who are NOT out having sex at or near that age and who are NOT sexually promiscuous let alone active. While it's true there are many things that influence a persons life, the parents are (or damn well should be) there for far far more of that child's life than the TV or a movie. A parent that takes true interest in their child's upbringing isn't going to allow their child to be subject to most of the nastier influences anyway. Unfortunately these days it seems many parents don't actually CARE as much about raising their kids RIGHT as much as trying to raise them HAPPY.

As for the attitude of kids thinking the loss of virginity is "cool": A kid who has been taught by his/her parents that their virginity is worth keeping and sex is worth waiting for is far less likely to have this attitude. Granted, there are other influences in life but that's part of what I am saying above. An involved parent who genuinely cares about their child and takes true interest in their life, behavior, and most of all, morals can have a MAJOR impact on how that child behaves and reacts to things as they get older.
 
Old 01-08-2009, 04:17 PM   #13
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Sorry Nathan... But it comes down to choice... Your not going to stop them.. Wrong or Not


Its the "Wrong" feeling that makes it that much better
 
Old 01-09-2009, 06:53 AM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jet City Angel View Post
Sadly, I'm aware of kids as young as 12 facing these freakin' decisions.

Kudos to you for telling her the straight facts. I would NOT show her any porn of any kind. By law, she's still a minor, even at 15.

I think it's great for a young impressionable female to hear the straight scoop, especially from a guy's point of view. And, the other posters are right: you can't teach someone their lessons -- they've gotta figure out for themselves.

I think you've gotta be a little careful here: from what I can tell, you were/are a male counselor and she was a female minor under your care at the camp. I know you mean well and it's good that you care about these kids. Sometimes they've got nowhere else to turn. If she keeps telling you more scoop, I would also counsel her to talk to her mom or some other adult relative: "You know, Jane, I really think you should talk to your Mom about this stuff." Just an idea ...
really good points. But something to think about, I had a friend who was a camp counselor some of the girls would confide in him just like this one is confiding in you. I'm going to tell you the same thing I told him, be careful if shes letting you know shes wants to be sexually active, it may not be as innocent as it sounds. There have been many young girls who have had crushes on there camp counselors. Especially ones they can easily talk to. They want to prove they are now a woman when in fact they are still babies. So be aware, as it turned out with my friend I was right. They may be young, but they however have true emotions and are devious and manipulative and when they don't get what they want they aim to hurt and punish. Be very careful.
 
Old 01-09-2009, 08:37 AM   #15
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Originally Posted by Mikercw View Post
Its the "Wrong" feeling that makes it that much better


so maybe i was a little bit overbaord with the showing her porn.

teach her safe sex, birth control, condoms, etc. Sooner or later she's gonna lose her virginity, guess she wants to be sooner then later. Just gotta embrace the moment and go along with the ride. You can only protect her so much. Encourage her to find out for herself .. she's already found out that cum tastes gross so she probably won't be doing that anymore. Maybe she'll hate sex?
 
Old 01-09-2009, 09:04 AM   #16
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really good points. But something to think about, I had a friend who was a camp counselor some of the girls would confide in him just like this one is confiding in you. I'm going to tell you the same thing I told him, be careful if shes letting you know shes wants to be sexually active, it may not be as innocent as it sounds. There have been many young girls who have had crushes on there camp counselors. Especially ones they can easily talk to. They want to prove they are now a woman when in fact they are still babies. So be aware, as it turned out with my friend I was right. They may be young, but they however have true emotions and are devious and manipulative and when they don't get what they want they aim to hurt and punish. Be very careful.
I whole heartily agree with MrsD and Jet City on this, I understand wanting to help and caring about someone, but this situation sounds like it is moving into some serious gray areas, that could be interpreted into something it is not. Teaching this girl about sex ed, providing condoms etc is something that her parents could be completely opposed to, not to mention what Mrs D was talking about with the girl getting angry and possibly making allegations. Im not telling you what to do, but just be aware of how this looks from an outside perspective.
 
Old 01-09-2009, 09:51 AM   #17
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The more I read this, the more I think it's time for you to approach the parent(s)...in a respectful manner and without giving details that will embarrass her....before you're on the news...
 
Old 01-09-2009, 03:09 PM   #18
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The more I read this, the more I think it's time for you to approach the parent(s)...in a respectful manner and without giving details that will embarrass her....before you're on the news...
Ya know I was thinking that too....

I mean a 15 year old girl is coming up to you saying how she is getting fingered and what not by this guy....blah blah blah

Sometimes being a friend is harder than keeping a secret.......
 
Old 01-09-2009, 04:14 PM   #19
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Okay few things

Hell, she's already told me if I were her age she'd be all over me. You have no idea how much I got hit on by all the girls at camp, given most that did were 16. Of course nothing ever happened. But who can blame them, I'm "the hot college guy with the motorcycle"

She lives across the state from me. I do not know her parents. Yes I have the power to look up their info but unless I feel she is in physical danger, I will never break her trust and go to her parents.

This mentoring thing isn't official at all, she just talks to me, thought i'd make this clear.


Thank you for the responses everyone, it's given me a lot to think about. I'm just really happy that I've gotten her to tell him no and see if he's willing to actually date her. Beyond that if she does decide to do stuff, I will bring up some sex ed stuff.
 
Old 01-09-2009, 08:41 PM   #20
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Oh I have a really good idea how much you have been hit on. The fact she said she would be all over you if you were her age, confirms that she was seeing if you were interested. I'm glad she has some one to talk to and that you gave her good advise but never underestimate a female at any age.
 
Old 01-09-2009, 10:57 PM   #21
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So this was kind of concluded yesterday

Without her even telling him anything, he randomly texted her and told her he didn't want to date. Then apparently called her a slut today....

I also learned that he had kind of forced her to give him head and she convinced herself afterwards that it was okay and that she had wanted too


She's really realized how he used her, and I believe has learned a lot. I don't think she'll rush into anything sexual for a long time, she truly is ashamed.

Last edited by Avboden; 01-09-2009 at 11:24 PM.
 
Old 01-09-2009, 11:26 PM   #22
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That poor girl.....guys sujck
 
Old 01-10-2009, 12:06 AM   #23
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aww.. poor baby.. it's hard being a teen.
 
Old 01-10-2009, 02:36 AM   #24
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That poor girl.....guys sujck
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aww.. poor baby.. it's hard being a teen.

rrrriiiggghhhtttt
 
Old 01-10-2009, 05:25 AM   #25
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So this was kind of concluded yesterday

Without her even telling him anything, he randomly texted her and told her he didn't want to date. Then apparently called her a slut today....

I also learned that he had kind of forced her to give him head and she convinced herself afterwards that it was okay and that she had wanted too


She's really realized how he used her, and I believe has learned a lot. I don't think she'll rush into anything sexual for a long time, she truly is ashamed.
The guys a jerk and shes hurt and confused and wondering how many people he will tell about what happened between them. My heart goes out to her. Which brings up a question probably a thread starter but I'm going to ask here. If he forced her to give him head in my heart I feel its a form of rape, he had her do a sexual act basically against her will. Why is it that being forced to give head is not considered rape? Believe me it makes you feel just as violated. Which is why I taught my girls if anyone ever forced that in there mouth....bite hard and run fast. A girls first experience shouldn't be like this
 
Old 01-10-2009, 10:45 AM   #26
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The guys a jerk and shes hurt and confused and wondering how many people he will tell about what happened between them. My heart goes out to her. Which brings up a question probably a thread starter but I'm going to ask here. If he forced her to give him head in my heart I feel its a form of rape, he had her do a sexual act basically against her will. Why is it that being forced to give head is not considered rape? Believe me it makes you feel just as violated. Which is why I taught my girls if anyone ever forced that in there mouth....bite hard and run fast. A girls first experience shouldn't be like this
It could be considered sexual assault. However I have a feeling he didn't force her as much as she now claims (just to me).
 
Old 01-12-2009, 09:23 AM   #27
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The guys a jerk and shes hurt and confused and wondering how many people he will tell about what happened between them. My heart goes out to her. Which brings up a question probably a thread starter but I'm going to ask here. If he forced her to give him head in my heart I feel its a form of rape, he had her do a sexual act basically against her will. Why is it that being forced to give head is not considered rape? Believe me it makes you feel just as violated. Which is why I taught my girls if anyone ever forced that in there mouth....bite hard and run fast. A girls first experience shouldn't be like this
Ok, but lets not forget the fact that she was "into" him. And it wasn't until he kicked her to the curb and told people that she was a slut, that she starts saying that "he forced her" to give him head. I call BULLSHIT, she's saying that after the fact because she is hurt. If he truly forced her ie. gun to her head, then he should be sitting behind bars. If he merely convinced her that it was a good idea, and she went along, then she needs to deal with it. This kinda stuff pisses me off!
 
Old 01-12-2009, 12:12 PM   #28
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Ok, but lets not forget the fact that she was "into" him. And it wasn't until he kicked her to the curb and told people that she was a slut, that she starts saying that "he forced her" to give him head. I call BULLSHIT, she's saying that after the fact because she is hurt. If he truly forced her ie. gun to her head, then he should be sitting behind bars. If he merely convinced her that it was a good idea, and she went along, then she needs to deal with it. This kinda stuff pisses me off!
OK and I understand and agree with what your saying as far as it looks in this case. But (and you knew this was coming) You don't need to put a gun to someones head to force them into a sexual act. There are a lot of girls out there with low self esteem and someone comes a long builds them up makes them feel good about themselves and pretty soon there in over there head, no pun intended. They say no, but its to late they are forced to do something against there will why because there scared. Then they are cut loose because scum bag got what he wanted and they are left to deal with it. Usually by there self because no ones going to believe them, after all weren't they seeing each other and things looked pretty cozy. This happens to and they deal with it usually for the rest of there life and there low self esteem well it just got lower. The problem is how do you decided which girls are in this category and which girls are in the slut category.
 
Old 01-12-2009, 01:01 PM   #29
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OK and I understand and agree with what your saying as far as it looks in this case. But (and you knew this was coming) You don't need to put a gun to someones head to force them into a sexual act. There are a lot of girls out there with low self esteem and someone comes a long builds them up makes them feel good about themselves and pretty soon there in over there head, no pun intended. They say no, but its to late they are forced to do something against there will why because there scared. Then they are cut loose because scum bag got what he wanted and they are left to deal with it. Usually by there self because no ones going to believe them, after all weren't they seeing each other and things looked pretty cozy. This happens to and they deal with it usually for the rest of there life and there low self esteem well it just got lower. The problem is how do you decided which girls are in this category and which girls are in the slut category.
I agree there is a fine line in there. Personally i feel if someone says "No" than that is it, doesn't matter what has happened up to that point. Unfortunately this is an issue with no easy answer. There are dirt bags who get away with it and there are guys who don't deserve to get in trouble that do.
 
Old 01-12-2009, 01:12 PM   #30
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Thank You CStyle, I have always believed NO means NO regardless of what the situation is or has been. Your right no easy answers.
 
Old 01-12-2009, 07:26 PM   #31
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I'm a Lady
Living in Spokane WA.

wish I would have popped in here sooner...Okay well first off Teaching about the importance of SAFE SEX if #1 she is already decided to have sex with this boy or some other boy since she stated that "dating" does not happen at her school...she is right people do not take eachother out on dates anymore I mean I have yet to be on a real date it is always hanging out.
So if you can not beat them with a stick to respect yourself now and always don't put out at LEAST push that she makes SURE he uses a condom ALWAYS!! and she is on BIRTH CONTROL and yes she should talk to her mother or relative about that or counselor at school on how to get birth control.
No matter how you raise you kids it is a personal choice kids can come from the most loving home with the most supportive parents who also monitor the kids every move know theire friends and there friends parents and the kid still has sex in the back seat of a car....why? DEPRESSION and a HOLE lot of older MALES that prey on younger foolish girls wanting to feel sexy and loved will drop the panties in the back seat to any guy who says the right words. They just do not know until they get hurt..girls have swelling on the front of the brain that causes them to make poor decisions during teenager years and changes of the body.
So once the seed is planted of personal touch and words of "love" it started to grow and then you move on to stage #2 SAFE SEX!!
 
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