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Old 05-03-2010, 07:31 AM   #1
PNW Love Freshman
 
I'm a Male
Living in Spokane

My girlfriend of 4 years

just broke up with me. we live together and do a lot of stuff together but she said that she wasnt happy anymore and she doesnt think i can make her happy. i've been trying to talk to her and get her back but she doesnt want to i dont think. we havent been sleeping in the same room and i looked in her room today and saw a stuffed animal that i had given her. i dont know if i should just let go or if i should fight to get her back but any suggestions would be helpful. thanks.
 
Old 05-03-2010, 08:15 AM   #2
miss-communicator
 
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Oh man that bites. Did she give you any clear reasons as to why she wants out? Other than "I'm just unhappy". I mean if the issues at hand are ones that can be worked on, then fight...if you both are just in different places and have different goals, then maybe it best to move on....give us more info

Just wait for bikenut- she'll tell ya what to do
 
Old 05-03-2010, 11:07 AM   #3
PNW Love Freshman
 
I'm a Male
Living in Spokane

i said we should work on them and she just doesnt want to because its been going on for a while and i shouldnt have to change who i am to make her happy. i feel like she still wants me because we are sleeping in different rooms, she came in and sat on my bed this morning and talked to me..and shes sleeping with the teddy bear i gave her..and when i asked her if she missed me, she said yes and started crying.
 
Old 05-03-2010, 01:51 PM   #4
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I'm sorry affairs of the heart suck especially if you didn't see it coming. So she hasn't moved out? Her reason is she doesn't think you can make her happy but no explanation of why not. She doesn't think it would be fair for you to change who you are to make her happy. Sounds like theres been issues and she been waiting to see if you were going to change in order to resolve them. Sounds like she gave you time and you didn't do anything until the final axe dropped. I'm sorry to be so blunt but guys don't seem to take women seriously until its either 1 to late or 2 they are faced with an ultimatum. Are these issues something you would be willing to change or even want to and I don't mean short term I mean forever? If they are actions speak louder than words. Good Luck to you I hope all works out for the best.
 
Old 05-03-2010, 06:07 PM   #5
junglist
 
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I'm a Male
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MrsD View Post
Her reason is she doesn't think you can make her happy but no explanation of why not. She doesn't think it would be fair for you to change who you are to make her happy.
I'd say regardless of how you feel, that bit right there is a red flag. She shouldn't be looking to anyone else to make her happy. If she is relying on you or other people to make her happy then you and everyone else will let her down.
Does she suffer any depression? cuz the living situation you describe has that vibe.
 
Old 05-03-2010, 09:50 PM   #6
PNW Love Freshman
 
I'm a Male
Living in Spokane

we have to give 30 days notice before moving out and it has to be 30 days or more before rent is due which is june 1st. so we cant move out until june 30th...which makes it even more hard. and MrsD you are right it has come up before, but i didnt really do much, which in hindsight i should have but hindsights 20/20. i think we're both better off..we've been dating since we were 17 and in highschool. idk anymore.
 
Old 05-03-2010, 10:31 PM   #7
Engineer of the Love Boat
 
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I'm a Guy
Living in One in Washington

First off welcome to the love boat and hope you stick around.

Second, that situation sucks. I'm going to have to go along with MrsD and Sin on this one. You should never have to change yourself for another, compromise yes but only to a certain extent and no explantion of why you're not making her happy throws up huge flags. There is a reason, she may not want to admit it but it's there. I unfortunately don't think there's any hope for recovery for the relationship as it sounds like she let things that have been bothering build up till she couldn't take it anymore. Sorry for the bad news.
 
Old 05-03-2010, 10:33 PM   #8
Litte Mary Sunshine
 
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I'm a Girl
Living in just this of side of hell

First, your 21, obviously. We all have our first serious relationship about this age. It is seldom one we forget and in an odd way can lay the foundation for all the future ones to come.

Now for the facts. She had some issues about the relationship, addressed, them and you didn't listen. Let this be a lesson. When women 'ask' and men don't respond, we have two choices. Turn into a constant fucking nag or eventually get sick of it and move on. Either way, both parties fail to respond appropriatly. Granted I don't know what the issues are. Are they petty or real? Are you clipping your toenails at the dinner table or not giving her support in some area? And yes, it does matter. I think the MOST important thing is how you two handle the demise of this relationship.

The reality is, your stuck with each other for awhile. Use the time wisely. End it civily and respectfully, and most of all SET GROUND RULES because it will be tough. If she is not willing to work it out, fine. Then you best get in the mindset it is over.

What you have to do: relax. This is not the end of the world. You spend four fabulous years together. Remember those times but not to the point of listening to Journey all hours of the night.

Now for the kicker, I hate to tell you, but your next relationship probably will end also. These are learning years. You pick the wrong gal. You do something stupid. This is the time to venture out an learn how you are ever going to live with opposite sex for the rest of your life. Who knows, you may end up being close friends, something that may work out better for both of you.
 
Old 05-03-2010, 11:44 PM   #9
PNW Love Freshman
 
I'm a Male
Living in Spokane

we talked after she came home tonight and we are both good with it. shes looking for apt's and we are going to try to be friends. tonight we talked for quite a while about stuff..but for what its worth i think we ended on a good note.
 
Old 05-04-2010, 06:37 AM   #10
Married and then some.
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by reppinthe509 View Post
we talked after she came home tonight and we are both good with it. shes looking for apt's and we are going to try to be friends. tonight we talked for quite a while about stuff..but for what its worth i think we ended on a good note.
Communication is such a great tool. Let me tell you a secret what you want now won't be what you want when your 25. If you have only been with her its time to check out the other fish in the sea. That way when you do find the keeper you will have had some fishing experience. Blu is a prime example.. married high school sweetheart, had a couple of kids, fell out of love, seen his true colors and is now divorced. Divorced with not a clue about the dating game or the others fishies out there or how a real relationship works. She is now in training.
Good for you both for figuring this out now.

Welcome to the Love Boat hope we can count you as one of the deck hands. We are all a little weird in our own way, but we are good people and we do listen. The only one to watch out for is Mike.. then just smile and nod.
 
Old 05-04-2010, 03:04 PM   #11
PNW Love Member
 
I'm a Dude
Living in somewhere

Quote:
Originally Posted by MrsD View Post
The only one to watch out for is Mike.. then just smile and nod.
 
Old 05-05-2010, 07:02 PM   #12
Litte Mary Sunshine
 
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I'm a Girl
Living in just this of side of hell

Quote:
Originally Posted by MrsD View Post
Communication is such a great tool. Let me tell you a secret what you want now won't be what you want when your 25. If you have only been with her its time to check out the other fish in the sea. That way when you do find the keeper you will have had some fishing experience. Blu is a prime example.. married high school sweetheart, had a couple of kids, fell out of love, seen his true colors and is now divorced. Divorced with not a clue about the dating game or the others fishies out there or how a real relationship works. She is now in training.
Good for you both for figuring this out now.

Welcome to the Love Boat hope we can count you as one of the deck hands. We are all a little weird in our own way, but we are good people and we do listen. The only one to watch out for is Mike.. then just smile and nod.
Well said mamma bear I think we can all share stories of what my mother called the 'wandering 20's'. I look back to what was important then and my priorites are not even close. Good call.

Mike, what the fuck is that in your avator...now I want soup
 
Old 05-05-2010, 07:18 PM   #13
The Force
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by reppinthe509 View Post
we talked after she came home tonight and we are both good with it. shes looking for apt's and we are going to try to be friends. tonight we talked for quite a while about stuff..but for what its worth i think we ended on a good note.
I would not recommend this. It's really difficult to go from a serious relationship to being friends, and most people can't pull it off. Tell her that you do love her (always will), and you would like to be friends, but that you need some time and space to recover. Disappear from each others' lives for a while. Figure out who you are by yourself, as opposed to who you are with her around. After 6 months or so, decide whether she should fit into your life or not.

It will sting a bit at first, but will be a lot easier and less painful in the long run.
 
Old 05-05-2010, 07:19 PM   #14
Engineer of the Love Boat
 
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I'm a Guy
Living in One in Washington

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bikenut View Post
Well said mamma bear I think we can all share stories of what my mother called the 'wandering 20's'. I look back to what was important then and my priorites are not even close. Good call.

Mike, what the fuck is that in your avator...now I want soup
Don't lie you just want the cock
 
Old 05-07-2010, 10:28 PM   #15
PNW Love Member
 
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I'm a Dude
Living in Sequim - Yeah, Baby!

wow welcome to MAY. Somebody put a does of Meh in the water ?

Lessons learned, I know I will never move in with a girl again. I am keeping the cabin. She can visit, she can sleep over, she cant move in.
 
Old 05-08-2010, 08:57 PM   #16
PNW Love Freshman
 
I'm a Male
Living in Spokane

well said city...i dont plan on moving in with a girl again. until a ring is around her finger.
 
Old 05-08-2010, 11:33 PM   #17
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I'm a Dude
Living in Sequim - Yeah, Baby!

Even then... dont give up the RV/Boat/Cabin.... its great for recreation, and you may never know when it will be your 'primary' residence.
 
Old 05-10-2010, 10:09 AM   #18
Litte Mary Sunshine
 
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I'm a Girl
Living in just this of side of hell

Quote:
Originally Posted by CForce View Post
I would not recommend this. It's really difficult to go from a serious relationship to being friends, and most people can't pull it off. Tell her that you do love her (always will), and you would like to be friends, but that you need some time and space to recover. Disappear from each others' lives for a while. Figure out who you are by yourself, as opposed to who you are with her around. After 6 months or so, decide whether she should fit into your life or not.

It will sting a bit at first, but will be a lot easier and less painful in the long run.
Awesome advice! Even though it is almost impossible to stay friends, I think it takes a level of maturity and self control that should be attempted for personal growth reasons. That said, when we state 'remain friends' I am surmising this means not calling each other names when you part, not remain daily text buddies. In other words when you cross paths you can give a good hug, say 'you look great' and move on. We never really did clarify 'remain friends's.
 
Old 05-10-2010, 11:20 AM   #19
PNW Love Freshman
 
I'm a Male
Living in Spokane

last night as i was in bed she came into my room and was like "i cant believe you lost this" and saying shit like that really pissing me off..and shes like all you had to do was try. i feel like i was trying but maybe i dont know what trying is. im only 21 and been with her since i was 17. so i dont fuckin know anymore.
 
Old 05-10-2010, 11:32 AM   #20
junglist
 
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I'm a Male
Living in Bellingham
Interested in Women

Sounds like she's playing games now...don't play along, they're designed to make you feel bad. Move on as best you can. I'd second CForce's advice about remaining friends. Having experience with both situations, you're too close to the issue to pull it off, there needs to a break in contact before you can be friends. I'm friends with my high school sweetheart now but we didn't talk for probably ten years after we split. We wouldn't be friends today had that not happened.
And I'm currently "friends" with my most recent ex, without any time apart (not an option when kids involved really). There's some issues because we went from being intimate to not. Even six months apart would have redefined our relationship but as such, it didn't.
 
Old 05-10-2010, 11:42 AM   #21
Married and then some.
 
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I agree with Bikenut and C-Force and Sin the friend thing isn't going to happen without bitterness. Being civil in public is a nice friendly way to start and end.
Now as for her she's being a bitch sorry but not going to be nice here. She wanted you crawling on your knees for her. As she thinks shes some pretty hot shit obviously. 21 or not most men need it spelled out for them what a woman expects and wants your not a mind reader and you don't think like we do. I have always told my girls if you want to be treated a certain way or you want something from a man tell them otherwise its just not going to happen.. they don't know unless you tell them. Don't play the game and don't let her make you feel like it was all your fault it takes 2 to make it or break it.
 
Old 05-10-2010, 06:24 PM   #22
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I'm a Dude
Living in Sequim - Yeah, Baby!

let that sleeping dog lay. I have never done the lets be friends thing.
Hell the previous ex we were together 14 years, have a house, and as soon as it sells, I actively plan on never seeing her again.
She asked me why I didnt friend her on facebook, I told her we arent friendly. To which she replied I HATE YOU..... see.
 
Old 05-10-2010, 10:16 PM   #23
PNW Love Freshman
 
I'm a Male
Living in Spokane

lol..
 
Old 05-11-2010, 04:24 PM   #24
Litte Mary Sunshine
 
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I'm a Girl
Living in just this of side of hell

Quote:
Originally Posted by reppinthe509 View Post
last night as i was in bed she came into my room and was like "i cant believe you lost this" and saying shit like that really pissing me off..and shes like all you had to do was try. i feel like i was trying but maybe i dont know what trying is. im only 21 and been with her since i was 17. so i dont fuckin know anymore.
WAIT, what? Where'd you get her pyscho's r us? Granted maybe you should have listened but maybe it was the way she was saying it. WTF? What, the knife isn't deep enough for the bitch?

[QUOTE=sin808;24386]Sounds like she's playing games now..QUOTE]

right?

Quote:
Originally Posted by MrsD View Post
As she thinks shes some pretty hot shit obviously.
Well said

According to my bf you should have ripped the covers off exposing a throbbing hard on and said "well your missing this bitch". Yea, he not fan of Dr. Phil

Get some blow and hookers. You'll feel better. oh, and next time she walks in YOUR room tell her it better me with knee pads on
 
Old 05-11-2010, 04:41 PM   #25
The Force
 
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This isn't what you want to hear right now, but you're 21. You've been with her for close to a quarter of your life, and nearly ALL of your dating life. In those four years, you've grown and changed in profound ways. What you really want has probably changed, too. And now you have the chance to go exploring. Enjoy it!
 
Old 05-11-2010, 04:53 PM   #26
Litte Mary Sunshine
 
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I'm a Girl
Living in just this of side of hell

[QUOTE=CForce;24407]This isn't what you want to hear right now, but you're 21. You've been with her for close to a quarter of your life, and nearly ALL of your dating life. In those four years, you've grown and changed in profound ways. What you really want has probably changed, too. And now you have the chance to go exploring. Enjoy it![/QUOTE]

See, even the force agrees. Blow and hookers my man...blow and hookers
 
Old 05-11-2010, 06:17 PM   #27
Married and then some.
 
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[QUOTE=Bikenut;24410]
Quote:
Originally Posted by CForce View Post
This isn't what you want to hear right now, but you're 21. You've been with her for close to a quarter of your life, and nearly ALL of your dating life. In those four years, you've grown and changed in profound ways. What you really want has probably changed, too. And now you have the chance to go exploring. Enjoy it![/QUOTE]

See, even the force agrees. Blow and hookers my man...blow and hookers
How the hell did you get blow and hookers out of CForce's eloquent words?
 
Old 05-12-2010, 08:58 PM   #28
Litte Mary Sunshine
 
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I'm a Girl
Living in just this of side of hell

[QUOTE=MrsD;24414]
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bikenut View Post

How the hell did you get blow and hookers out of CForce's eloquent words?
I'm not sure...blow and hookers just always come to mind. My bad.
 
Old 05-13-2010, 02:02 AM   #29
PNW Love Freshman
 
I'm a Male
Living in Spokane

bitches aint shit but hoes and tricks..thanks snoop
 
Old 05-13-2010, 07:15 AM   #30
PNW Love Member
 
I'm a Dude
Living in somewhere

Quote:
Originally Posted by reppinthe509 View Post
bitches aint shit but hoes and tricks.
 
Old 05-14-2010, 12:53 AM   #31
PNW Love Member
 
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I'm a Dude
Living in Sequim - Yeah, Baby!

hookers and blow, call VICE, they oughtta have a good data base for both.... or is that not the service they provide ?....
 
Old 05-18-2010, 03:09 PM   #32
So Amazingly Happy
 
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Living in Lacey, WA

Man. Sounds to me like she wants affection. . She wants to feel wanted and needed. Sometimes we're like that.
 
Old 05-19-2010, 12:28 AM   #33
PNW Love Freshman
 
I'm a Male
Living in Spokane

yeah..but when i show it she shuts me down
 
Old 05-19-2010, 09:48 AM   #34
Engineer of the Love Boat
 
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I'm a Guy
Living in One in Washington

Dude it's over sorry to say but hey get her drunk and then piitb!
 
Old 05-19-2010, 01:46 PM   #35
PNW Love Member
 
I'm a Dude
Living in somewhere

Quote:
Originally Posted by qtip View Post
get her drunk and then piitb!
qftmfw!!!
 
Old 05-19-2010, 01:54 PM   #36
Engineer of the Love Boat
 
Qtip's Avatar
 
I'm a Guy
Living in One in Washington

I'm full of award winning ideas
 
Old 05-19-2010, 10:56 PM   #37
PNW Love Member
 
I'm a Dude
Living in somewhere

full of something... but yeah =p
 
Old 05-20-2010, 02:57 AM   #38
PNW Love Freshman
 
I'm a Male
Living in Spokane

already piihb but shes a poor sport and cant handle my cock. lol. i know its over now..or for now but shes so full of fucking mixed signals..like today she was crawling all over me and kissing my neck.
 
Old 05-20-2010, 05:38 AM   #39
Married and then some.
 
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I'm confused she wasn't happy and broke up with you. So you make the break and star looking for other places to live. Then she comes in your room stating you gave this up because you didn't try. Then the sex and the kissing on the neck. Maybe you make her happier than she realized (lots of attention) or its a good bye gift or she changed her mind. Women change there mind a lot. Maybe she doesn't want to be with you, but she doesn't want you to be with anyone else...I'm confused.
 
Old 05-20-2010, 11:02 PM   #40
PNW Love Member
 
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I'm a Dude
Living in Sequim - Yeah, Baby!

CURB

ditch the bitch. No matter how fucking stellar the sex is..... theres another girl around the corner with the same equipment. Dont think for a second she wouldnt replace you if the BBD came along

CURB everything else is just playing a game
 
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