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Old 12-06-2009, 06:35 PM   #1
Married and then some.
 
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I'm a Female
Living in Crazytown
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Have a Unique fashion style

I don't understand

I know our home life is stressed right now. But things are getting better and everyone is getting used to the situation. But I'm always the kicking post and I don't understand. I understand hes frustrated and when things go wrong they really go wrong. For example the bathroom toilet started leaking and the sink, then all the valves needed to be replaced and on and on. But I'm the one getting yelled at. His hearing is not good after 30+ years in a machine shop. So I tell him I hear water running and he came unglued. Last week it was the fan belt on the truck is squealing, again jumped down my throat. Its like I know you can't hear these things and it frustrates you, but its not my fault. I'm just telling you in case of a potential problem. My daughter needs me, shes going through a divorce with 2 little kids. My other daughter wants my attention because shes feeling left out and is having a rough go of it going to shool and work. Duanes job sucks right now and he wants to go snowmobiling and wants my undivided attention. I'm trying my hardest but I just don't understand why I'm getting the brunt of eveyones anger. Frankly it has me rather upset tonight, so my eyes are leaking and I come here. Any advise??
 
Old 12-06-2009, 09:41 PM   #2
Litte Mary Sunshine
 
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I'm a Girl
Living in just this of side of hell

maybe WB could help...lol

She seems to have had the same problem (with saying no that is)...ladies - what are my TWO favorite phrases...NO and I DON'T GIVE A FUCK. Bear in mind I am single and you two, for the most part, are married...things that make you go hmmmm

LD, with all the love in my heart, draw off my sense of humour. Do you have ANY idea of what I would do in your situation You do enough. Duane can hear every wrong ping in the sled...tell him to use his superhuman power towards the trucks. LS is a big girl...it's time she start acting like it, those kids are hers, not yours. I would strongly suggest stop washing the baby bottles four times a day. Just simply put them in a bag and lay then on LS's bed with a note that says 'you forgot something'. Sis, they dump shit on you because you allow it. Your not God's hall monitor, no matter how bad you want to care for your family.

People either grow up, man up, or fuck up. Save yourself. Your useless to your family otherwise. If they want to suck the life blood out of you and you allow out...learn the word - N O
 
Old 12-07-2009, 05:11 AM   #3
Married and then some.
 
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Of course you are correct and I was tired last night but I'm sick of being yelled at. Although he would say he wasn't directly yelling at me just venting. Now how do you do that again NNNNNNNN O..K. A new day, a new out look.
 
Old 12-07-2009, 10:24 PM   #4
The Force
 
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Bikenut's right... they do it because you let them. You're silently strong most of the time and they take it for granted. Take care of yourself, set some boundaries, and let them lump it for a while.
 
Old 12-08-2009, 09:24 AM   #5
Very Married
 
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I'm a Male
Living in Wenatchee



To me it's a sign that they depend on you to be a strong person and are always there to help. But like others said some boundaries could help it from going too far.

My wife reminds me from time to time to treat her with respect and not come unglued. It ususally makes me think that I wouldn't treat a stranger that way, why would I treat someone I care deeply about that way? It makes me get a little perspective and calm me down (I try to never "yell" at my wife, just discuss). My advice would be to remind him (with a caring approach) that you were only telling him there are problems in case he can't hear them... that it is all- and you don't think it is respectful to be yelled at (you are a lady afterall). Maybe offer to fix things together- help him with the honeydoo list and he helps you clean the house. Fair is fair. Just decide to make it fun rather than a crisis. If you can't make it fun, at least you have to endure it together, so when it's over you'll feel closer and more of a team. Confidence increases and your outlook will probably improve.
 
Old 12-08-2009, 10:34 AM   #6
Engineer of the Love Boat
 
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I'm a Guy
Living in One in Washington

to everything said, when you're the rock everyone relies on people expect that from you all the time not knowing that after a while the rock sometimes isn't so strong. I'll tell you what I'll take care of Leslie for you cause that's the nice guy I am
 
Old 12-08-2009, 11:09 AM   #7
Married and then some.
 
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^^^ Your so nice and I mean that with all my heart because you have no idea.

Thanks everyone the Rock was crumbling a bit so I found some cement and patched me back together. It will hold until after the Holidays, I hope. After that you know I'll be back crying like a baby.
 
Old 12-08-2009, 04:05 PM   #8
So Amazingly Happy
 
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I'm a Lady
Living in Lacey, WA

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bikenut View Post
She seems to have had the same problem (with saying no that is)...ladies - what are my TWO favorite phrases...NO and I DON'T GIVE A FUCK. Bear in mind I am single and you two, for the most part, are married...things that make you go hmmmm

LD, with all the love in my heart, draw off my sense of humour. Do you have ANY idea of what I would do in your situation You do enough. Duane can hear every wrong ping in the sled...tell him to use his superhuman power towards the trucks. LS is a big girl...it's time she start acting like it, those kids are hers, not yours. I would strongly suggest stop washing the baby bottles four times a day. Just simply put them in a bag and lay then on LS's bed with a note that says 'you forgot something'. Sis, they dump shit on you because you allow it. Your not God's hall monitor, no matter how bad you want to care for your family.

People either grow up, man up, or fuck up. Save yourself. Your useless to your family otherwise. If they want to suck the life blood out of you and you allow out...learn the word - N O
I have a hard time saying no and feel that I need to be there to help everyone. I'm getting much better at saying no. Or maybe not saying the actual words but nicely suggesting something else.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Vigilante View Post


...My wife reminds me from time to time to treat her with respect and not come unglued. It ususally makes me think that I wouldn't treat a stranger that way, why would I treat someone I care deeply about that way? ...
I'm so glad that you understand this. In my prior marriage, I could never understand why I was the one that was always dumped on and treated like shit. Why people are this way, I'll never know. I just know that if I ever get married again, it'll be to a FRIEND.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Qtip View Post
to everything said, when you're the rock everyone relies on people expect that from you all the time not knowing that after a while the rock sometimes isn't so strong. I'll tell you what I'll take care of Leslie for you cause that's the nice guy I am
Being the rock sucks.



Mrs. D. You and I are too much a like. We are the backbone of the house/family. We take everyone else's problems and try to carry the burden for others. We try to "cushion" everything and fix problems so that the ones we love don't have to suffer, or suffer less.

I'm working on getting stronger and recognizing my own limits. But it's hard to change who you are. And there is nothing wrong with who we are. But we need someone that will help look after us and protect us too.

I'm trying to get better about speaking up when I need help. Funny thing is, when someone tries to help, I rush in and do it before he's given the chance. In a weird way, I feel guilty by accepting help for things. I even have a hard time letting my kids do their chores on their own.

This person that "vents" at you needs to take a step back and visualize his life without you.
 
Old 12-08-2009, 06:20 PM   #9
miss-communicator
 
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I'm a Female
Living in spokane

it wasnt you that should have found the cement...hopefully the family contributed.
 
Old 12-09-2009, 07:58 AM   #10
Very Married
 
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I'm a Male
Living in Wenatchee

Quote:
Originally Posted by Washingtonblonde View Post
This person that "vents" at you needs to take a step back and visualize his life without you.
qft- This is what I was trying to say... Thank you.

 
Old 12-09-2009, 02:19 PM   #11
Married and then some.
 
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I'm a Female
Living in Crazytown
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Humor is Goofy
Have a Unique fashion style

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rockerchic View Post
it wasnt you that should have found the cement...hopefully the family contributed.
They did hopefully it sticks..
Quote:
Originally Posted by Washingtonblonde View Post
I have a hard time saying no and feel that I need to be there to help everyone. I'm getting much better at saying no. Or maybe not saying the actual words but nicely suggesting something else.



I'm so glad that you understand this. In my prior marriage, I could never understand why I was the one that was always dumped on and treated like shit. Why people are this way, I'll never know. I just know that if I ever get married again, it'll be to a FRIEND.



Being the rock sucks.



Mrs. D. You and I are too much a like. We are the backbone of the house/family. We take everyone else's problems and try to carry the burden for others. We try to "cushion" everything and fix problems so that the ones we love don't have to suffer, or suffer less.

I'm working on getting stronger and recognizing my own limits. But it's hard to change who you are. And there is nothing wrong with who we are. But we need someone that will help look after us and protect us too.

I'm trying to get better about speaking up when I need help. Funny thing is, when someone tries to help, I rush in and do it before he's given the chance. In a weird way, I feel guilty by accepting help for things. I even have a hard time letting my kids do their chores on their own.

This person that "vents" at you needs to take a step back and visualize his life without you.
I know the feeling of feeling guilty for accepting help. I guess I have always been I'll do it myself type of person. But when I can't I think it should be recognized without me asking. Which is wrong everyone needs to feel needed and asking for help advise ect. is showing need. We are a lot a like and we will get old fast because we are going to wear our selves out. Making sure everything and everyone is happy... everyone but us because we took on to much. You and I will have to take a vacation to the Island of no responsibility sometime. I know Duane loves me and appreciates me, but again this goes right back to the thread about men don't always say what they feel. I kind of need that right now its part of the cement that holds this rock together. Thanks WB you are a strong shoulder, you must have got that from your Mom.
 
Old 12-21-2009, 10:43 PM   #12
PNW Love Member
 
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I'm a Dude
Living in Sequim - Yeah, Baby!

Godbless BikeNut for being honest and sticking to her guns, there should be more of them like her out there.

NO ! I DONT GIVE A F&CK !

Just remember blunt honesty is a two way street.
 
Old 12-22-2009, 05:26 AM   #13
Married and then some.
 
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I'm a Female
Living in Crazytown
Looking for Conversation
Humor is Goofy
Have a Unique fashion style

Quote:
Originally Posted by cityxslicker View Post
Godbless BikeNut for being honest and sticking to her guns, there should be more of them like her out there.

NO ! I DONT GIVE A F&CK !

Just remember blunt honesty is a two way street.
Now that's one of the most truthful statements I have heard in a long time. What I have experienced is that people usually don't like it when I'm bluntly honest with them. To many years of being the silent type, so when I do stand up and say just hold on a minute I have something to say. They ask me if I'm feeling OK
 
Old 12-23-2009, 09:42 PM   #14
PNW Love Member
 
I'm a Dude
Living in somewhere

blunt honesty...... hmmm... might have to try that =)
 
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