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Old 09-07-2009, 10:00 PM   #1
So Amazingly Happy
 
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I'm a Lady
Living in Lacey, WA

Moving on.... and kids....

UGH. I'm having issues with my oldest child and I'm not sure how to go about handling it. Trying the best I can but until things actually turn around, it's friggin HELL... for everyone involved.

And in light of sharing too many details.. I'll here for now. But man this stuff is HARD!
 
Old 09-07-2009, 10:54 PM   #2
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I'm a Dude
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Growing up is a bitch......
 
Old 09-08-2009, 06:00 AM   #3
Married and then some.
 
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Kids can make your life a living hell. I remember crying a lot when the girls were teenagers thinking I don't have a clue what I'm doing cuz nothings working. Just love them a lot stand your ground and when they get older they will tell you thanks for caring mom your the best.
 
Old 09-08-2009, 08:18 AM   #4
Rezident Cynik
 
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Living in Various Locations in WA
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Don't be afraid of disclipline. Hell, my father beat me every day, and there's nothing wrong with m......NO DADDY, NO! OH GOD NOT THE BELT NO!!!!!

Ahem....

What was I saying now?




JK, my parents never beat me. In fact, I like to think I'm fairly well adjusted, all things considered. And I'd have to thank my mum for that. She raised 2 boys on her own from about the time I was 7.

Now, my brother, on the other hand....let's just say I think it's a good thing he's considering buying his own motorcycle. Help him spend less on booze.
 
Old 09-08-2009, 01:49 PM   #5
~Messy Baby~
 
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I'm a Chicky-poo
Living in my own reality....

I would not trade anything in the world to be a teenager again, and worse off, being a new teenager

I don't think she even knows how she feels or what she wants right now...but as the wise MrsD has said. Make sure that the expectations are clear, you stand your ground and don't faulter, and just love her a lot. It will get better, it just may take a few years...
 
Old 09-09-2009, 09:32 AM   #6
So Amazingly Happy
 
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I'm a Lady
Living in Lacey, WA

^^I'll have to have her go spend some time with her new Auntie Teasha.. LOL.
 
Old 09-09-2009, 10:31 AM   #7
~Messy Baby~
 
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I'm a Chicky-poo
Living in my own reality....

Quote:
Originally Posted by Washingtonblonde View Post
^^I'll have to have her go spend some time with her new Auntie Teasha.. LOL.
Ahhh yes, good idea, she'll turn out great, I'm such a great influence on young minds
 
Old 09-13-2009, 01:42 PM   #8
Engineer of the Love Boat
 
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I've been holding back on answering this one just for the plain and simple fact I don't have kids, but like the others have said set you expectations, stand your ground, and while some may not agree with me....beat that ass when she breaks the rules. By beat that ass I'm not talking about abuse but physical punishment within reason. Explain why she's about to get it, perform said punishment and then give your hugs and I love yous and then ground her taking away all forms of entertainment and communication. Things will turn very quickly, no teenager can stand that for very long. It's all about pyschological warfare and frankly you have to play dirty. She needs to know that if she screws up, punishment will be swift and severe. Please don't turn into that punka$$ parent that let's their kid get away with murder because it makes your life easier.

When I was growing up and I screwed up, I got my ass beat and my mother made sure everyone knew why. I was humilated each time, but you know what I would never do that again. I did other stuff and the results were the same, but over time I thought about my actions prior to doing it. It made my mom's life hell for a time, but it lessened in the end. Besides look at it this way, if you start with this one what happens when the youngest gets her age?
 
Old 09-13-2009, 11:38 PM   #9
Down the Rabbit Hole
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Qtip View Post
Explain why she's about to get it, perform said punishment and then give your hugs and I love yous and then ground her taking away all forms of entertainment and communication. Things will turn very quickly, no teenager can stand that for very long. It's all about pyschological warfare and frankly you have to play dirty. She needs to know that if she screws up, punishment will be swift and severe. Please don't turn into that punka$$ parent that let's their kid get away with murder because it makes your life easier.
I call bullshit on the part I have bolded. My mom used to try that crap on me. She'd get pissed about something, send me to my room, ground me, or whatever... and then come into my room 15 minutes later telling me she loved me and trying to hug me. F*ck that. If she's pissed enough to punish me and then feel bad about it, maybe she should have thought it through in the first place instead of over reacting.

I made it very clear to my mom that I didn't want this Jekyll/Hyde routine. I think I was 15 or 16 when I called her out on it. If she wanted to punish me, that's fine, do whatever. But she very quickly knew expect to deal with the silent treatment and cold shoulder she'd get afterward. Sure, I'd get over it and move on, but don't give that "I'm doing this because I love you" bullshit and expect any kid to believe it, especially not while punishing them or right afterwards. They're growing up and testing boundaries. They won't like it when they get slapped back into reality, but it has to happen.
 
Old 09-14-2009, 05:39 AM   #10
Married and then some.
 
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^^^ You don't have kids do you?? Qtip said what most participating parents practise. Your Mom was reassuring you that the reason you were getting punished was because she loved you. I don't know to many parents who enjoy being the punisher. Believe me it would have been easier to say what ever here's 20 bucks get out of my face. Which sadly a lot of parents do, then they go pick Johnny up at the local jail and wonder why. Over reacting, Jekyll and Hyde, kids bring out the best in parents. Are there times I over reacted hell yes, did I make a ton of mistakes you bet. Did my kids come with manuals No. Any parent who takes the time to discipline, explains the discipline and sticks to it, so there child may become a functioning part of society gets my vote. I have said this before and I will say it a 100 times. The 2 hardest Job's you will ever have are Marriage and raising kids. They both require trial and error, love and understanding and putting yourself last. Telling your child you love them and have them throw it back in your face is heart wrenching. I know from experience. But the same little shit that pretty much did the same thing to me as you did to your mom recently told me. Thank You Mom you and Dad raised me right and the best part I never doubted you loved me.
 
Old 09-14-2009, 09:09 AM   #11
Down the Rabbit Hole
 
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I'm a Gentleman
Living in Washington

Quote:
Originally Posted by MrsD View Post
You don't have kids do you?
No, but I think you're overlooking my point, possibly for me not giving enough detail.

Each person (kids included) is an individual who will grow up and react to things in a unique fashion. Some kids will accept punishment because their parents only react to "big" issues. My mom tended to go overboard on small issues which is why I grew weary of her continual back and forth routines.

There's a good reason I used the Jekyll/Hyde comment....

Was I a perfect kid? Nope. But I never did drugs, didn't hang out with bad kids, made straight A's, never skipped school, didn't break curfew, and got a job when I turned 16.

The stupid shit my mom freaked out about? If I forgot to feed her cats. Or if I didn't vacuum. Or if she asked me to do something small and I forgot. It wasn't like I was a terror. I was a fantastic kid. My sister was the hellraiser. But I got the shit end of the stick because I was a great kid, but my efforts were never good enough because I forgot things all the time. My mom didn't have good reasons for acting the way she did, and it's why I rejected her Hyde end of things after she'd go overboard.
 
Old 09-14-2009, 10:34 AM   #12
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Wow, that sounds really familiar.
 
Old 09-14-2009, 11:06 AM   #13
Married and then some.
 
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^^^ me too, maybe we are triplets or our Mom's were related. I understand, Qtip enough said.
 
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