Rockerchic

Dear MrsD...

So I havent had much of a father/daughter relationship with my dad. I met him at nine. We've been "friends" ever since, and i do love him to death, but he's Craig, not Dad...
Anyways, he's getting married in Aug. His fiance has asked me to stand with her. I absolutely love her, but feel awkward since she DOES have a best friend and 2 daughters that can do the job just fine.
Today he wanted to show me their rings that they had customed made. I about puked when I saw "my" wedding ring from my ex husband. NOW, its NOT my ring EXACTLY. Ours were customed made in california and I'm sure there are some more out there that are similiar.But they are as close as you can get without them being my exhusbands and my ring. part of me says i shoud get over it, consider it a compliment.
THE other half wants to claw his eyealls out and tell him that its this type of insensitivity that makes me not to want to come for visits, NOT to want to be a part of the wedding, NOT to call him dad. and blah blah blah.

SO...AM I totally overreacting and what would you say/or do if it was you or one of your kiddos??

__________________
Never confuse movement with action.

Mikercw

Yes you are overreacting......
Grow some maturity "balls" and be happy for Craig aka Dad
Who cares if you met him at 9, if he has tried to be in your life since then.... he`s still your father and you need respect as that!

__________________
DISCLAIMER: I WILL say or do things you may not like. DO NOT get all butt hurt over it. If you have a problem. SAY SOMETHING
Women want to ask my opinion... But they may never want my answer

MrsD

Well wow this is tough RC part of me say's stand up and tell him how you feel the other part says stop and think about it this way.You may not have met him until you were nine but you met him and you have a relationship now. There are many who never get that chance. Hes your father..friend and shes going to be your stepmother...friend. Sure she could have picked someone else to stand beside her she picked you thats an honor. She obviously loves and respects you and trusts you to do the best job for your honored position. You see it as a replica of your ring, do they or did they pick the design not realizing it was so similar? Or did they pick the design because they thought yours was so incredible. Don't let the past ruin your happiness for the present. Think hard about this, if you have to convey your feelings because if you don't its going to eat you alive choose your words carefully. Otherwise let the feelings from the past be over this is there wedding and there rings. They obviously want you to be a big part of it. More than that they want your blessing, don't let a piece of jewelery get in the way of a relationship. You take whats in your heart with you RC, jewelry, tokens, material things mean nothing when it comes to whats really important in life. Take care and good luck my friend. I have every confidence you already know the answer to your question, its in your heart....Big Hug

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Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, its about learning to dance in the rain-Go Dance

Rockerchic

k...mike, not so much about the relationship with "dad". I have accepted it for what it is. And what "it is" isnt all that bad... I'm not sure exactly what "it is" is that is turnin my insides. i think its that here is a "symbol". this "symbol" was one between ME and MY husband at the time. it was admired, doted on and admired by many. trulyunique. So when my dad says "let me show you our rings", the last thing i expected to see was my ex husbands and my ring set. Does that make sense? and the finance has never seen my ring...how would she feel if her "special" ring looks like mine from 12 yrs ago? would it still be special?
I'm not mad, just extremely thrown off

__________________
Never confuse movement with action.

Mikercw

They are rings..... A piece of metal that is melted down and made into something you wear. All a ring stands for is a sign of marriage... A ring doesnt make the marriage... Nor should it mean the end of the world. Your father and his fiance chose them just cause they liked them, thats all... There are hundreds if not thousand makers of jewelry in this world... Maybe see it as a a sign that maybe theirs more of him in you then just "Craig" and you both have good taste. Again a ring doesnt make or break a marriage... Its the love, friendship, compassion, togetherness, and the thought that they want to be together the rest of their lives.... Not a band that comes after "I do".

This Symbol of your old marriage rings that people admired, isnt what that were "oooohhh", "aaaaaw", "gorgeous" about.... Its the fact that you are getting married and they are happy for you. Who cares what it looks like.... It has nothing to do how it looks.
Its who is giving it too you, visa versa... I could give you a plastic blue ring out of a .50 cent machine, but if you loved me for me and loved me for the person I am...Doesn't matter where it came from, its who gave it too you... That is what makes it special.
Yeah it may be a shock, that its a flash from YOUR past..... But its the flash for THEIR future!!

__________________
DISCLAIMER: I WILL say or do things you may not like. DO NOT get all butt hurt over it. If you have a problem. SAY SOMETHING
Women want to ask my opinion... But they may never want my answer

MrsD

very well said...you do your best work after midnight

__________________
Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, its about learning to dance in the rain-Go Dance

Mikercw

Why Thank You

__________________
DISCLAIMER: I WILL say or do things you may not like. DO NOT get all butt hurt over it. If you have a problem. SAY SOMETHING
Women want to ask my opinion... But they may never want my answer

Mikercw

I wanted to bump this... to see if RC actually saw my response.... Since I got no reply

__________________
DISCLAIMER: I WILL say or do things you may not like. DO NOT get all butt hurt over it. If you have a problem. SAY SOMETHING
Women want to ask my opinion... But they may never want my answer

Rockerchic

I'm still pondering....
first thing that comes to mind is the rings "symbolization"... Our rings were unique in the sense that WHAT they were made of and HOW they were set was a HUGE part of what and who we were...and to hear my dads fiance make the EXACt same "claim" was nausiating. She had never heard my story or seen my ring..and i'm guessing if she did/or had, she wouldnt feel so "special". .. back to pondering.....

__________________
Never confuse movement with action.

MrsD

So your saying its an coincidence. So then if it really bothers you then could say your not going to believe this but I have a story for you. Tell the story pull out the ring and let the chips fall. I can tell this is eating at you. So ask yourself whats the one thing I can do thats going to make me feel better about this. Then reason with yourself on what satisfaction is really worth. I find sometimes its just better to let it go, then again sometimes I just can't... when I should have.

__________________
Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, its about learning to dance in the rain-Go Dance

Rockerchic

coincidence would be if my dad was unaware of the story.

but being that he was a part of it, i don't buy it. which means that he now "recounts" the story basically as his (and now his fiance's).

__________________
Never confuse movement with action.

MrsD

Well then, I can see your frustration. He must have thought your story was very special to want to use it as his own. He should have asked permission. He should have found his own story. He should have done a lot of things. But he didn't and its the past and can't be changed. I'm sorry RC I've got nothing for you on this one. I know your hurt and I can't fix that. I can however give you a hug....MrsD

__________________
Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, its about learning to dance in the rain-Go Dance

Rockerchic

its all good...my frusteration is more like: here ya think that you're dealing with a highly intellegent person, that means nothing but good...but is absolutely so clueless (and i wonder if its for lack of thought), he continues to make these careless (er, wreckless) decisions that only cut you to the bone. And the sad thing is, I KNOW he doesnt mean too.

I feel like I'm an open wound here for him to just "add more salt" too...

__________________
Never confuse movement with action.