jjoker

Well, I have questions on the moving in thing. I did it once, didn't work out so well... And this is what I pose as a question.

Is it better to move in after getting hitched, or before? Any moving-in will have problems, it's a big step, and it's an adjustment - for everybody. So one can see that it's lot easier to run, if you're not married. Marriage forces bigger compromise, and things to be worked out rather than run away.

Thoughts?

MrsD

For me it was the move in before I had tried it the other way and it was bad very bad. So I wanted to see what I was in for the second time around. We did well for four years then we broke up for about a year. Then we got married that time I told him I'm not just living with you without being married. So your right easier to cut and run without being hitched. But I like to know the lay of the ground before I commit.

Bikenut

shit, I just answered this Go for it. I personally wouldn't but I'm old and have been around the block several times. It can be a good learning experience for both of you. Just do it with SOME intelligence.

If you expect rainbows and lollipops, bail now.

Rockerchic

well i'm for test driving- however i don't know how long one shoud be together before the move in. The last time I cohabitated with a man, i was married. I've "dated" lots- many which were long term and i had even wanted to ask them to move but was to scared and thought I'd scare them away by approaching the subject. Then I was kinda liking the idea of having my own sanctuary. I just havent been there for 2 months. bahha. I run home, grab clothes, and head back out. I've been living out of a suitcase and i'm not all that thrilled about it. But worse than that, i don't want to sleep alone ever again either. So I'm stuck. I know this relationship is long term (permanent even). I do believe a "plan'" is going to be discussed this evening. I just hope i can focus over this stupid throbbing head and runny nose.

jjoker

^ just don't pop Nyquil, and sleep through the talk.... it sends the wrong commitment message.

Bikenut

RC, no one wants to sleep alone. I'm happy for you. Eight weeks is not along time. Proceed with caution babe.

Washingtonblonde

I could go either way on this one. Of course I think it's a totally different ball game when you have kids versus no kids.

Plummy

co-habitating = unlimited cuddles

Mikercw

it inhabitants molesting instead

TeashaMae

I've lived with a boyfriend in the past. We moved in together after 6 months of dating. Looking back, we did it out of convienence instead of actually wanting to be around each other all the time. We adjusted well, things seemed to work ok. But in the end it seemed like I just had a roommate.

Would I do this again? Yeah I would, I don't know if I want to get married or not yet, I don't want kids at this point. With that said, not sure why I would get married other than to get a piece of paper.

BUT and a big BUT, I would certainly hold out until I just couldn't stand it anymore. I don't know that there is a time limit on it, but I sure do know that 6 months is cleary not enough time, I don't even know that a year is.

But in the end, it just matters what your heart tells you to do. You and only you know what is best for yourself. I say go for it if that is something you want to do.

Rockerchic

maybe i should be more specific- we've date since last July, took a couple month break (he begged for forgiveness in Jan) and we've been back together since Feb. he does have custody of his 2 boys- which i want to let them know I'm in it for the long haul too, and not going to do any disappearing acts...

and we didn't have the talk, I'm wayyyyy to sick

Vigilante

I believe the privilege of living together is one of the rewards of getting married.

jjoker

or punishments... :-)

Excellent point, however,

Plummy

is this the one that i think it is?

i'd still hold off on moving in with him...

Wild Angel

I think if your still in MAD love after a year test run the move in together before the BIG DAY...some people can be really diffrent when you dwell in the same space for a long time. Who washed the clothing and shrunk my shirt turned my pants pink and socks blue..who is to wash the dishes when someone else did the cooking..what about kids do you have some that will also share the space..do you have the "right" and "respect" to set rules and limits...Lots of things to adjust before the long haul and if you get hitched then jump on the ship that adds MORE to the adjustment right away.

you test drive a car or bike before buying, you walk and look around a house before buying why do you do those things?? It is a long term investment that will take time and money to get use to.

But everyone has diffrent adjustabilities and this maybe easier for others then most.

Dragonfish

I've done it both ways. Preferably, the relationship will come to a point where cohabitation should come naturally, not like some sort of ecosphere experiment.

cityxslicker

I will cross or burn that bridge when I am in it again.
I hope I dont make the same mistakes from last time.