TeashaMae

Can they be friends? Or is it like the age ole saying "you've either had sex, or you want to"?

Discuss.

jjoker

I don't think it's an "OR", it's more of an "AND".

In one aspect or another, we hold an attraction to all of our friends... why would they be our friends, if it was otherwise. In a given relationship, we should consider physical, and emotional, especially in terms of intimacy. What is friendship but the ability to be one's self, around the other, and be able to let the guard down, sharing personal thoughts, or enjoying the company while having a good time doing ones hobby? With all the life slaps we get, it is natural that physical intimacy evolves after emotional, and it likely has to do with trust. By establishing emotional intimacy we become vulnerable, and while the fruit of being honest and vulnerable to our friends is grand, at any given time, we run the risk of being hurt. But we trust our friends, and that they have no will ill against us, otherwise those people wouldn't be our friends.

There, however, is distinct difference between guys and gals, and it's just the way we're built. We (the guys), are made to spread our seed, that's why we manufacture so much of it, and are ready to whip it out, and have morning, afternoon, evening sessions, for 40 straight years after puberty. You (the gals), are built different, only ovulating on a monthly cycle, which presents a totally different scale. Think about it. In a given week, a guy that has sex with 7 different women, running a potential average of making 1 baby a day, that's an average of 365 kids/year. A woman at their best can have 1.3 kid a year. Taking that into an account, it's more likely that we 'guys', drop the ball and try to dip into the goodies that our friends posses ;-).

It's just our nature.... if we like it, we want to hump it.

I would argue, however, that the deeper the friendship (aka established level of emotional intimacy) between a guy and a gal is, they are already b/f g/f, or they are friends and that's that. The damage that casual sex could bring to the friendship far outweighs the instant gratuity of the encounter.

I think new friendships between guy and a girl are far more likely to have sex, as it in fact may be the natural progress of establishing intimacy boundaries, and defining where the line in the sand is... after all, we are 'made for each other'

On the other hand...

I just watched a Sex Appeal show on the Discovery channel, and the 1 hour show can be summarized into the following statement:

By the time we realize that we find somebody attractive, our unconscious mind has already determined if they are a good candidate for breeding, by their facial symmetry, skin tone and clarity, and breasts (which are used to determine if past puberty), so the only thing left for us is to decide if we want to be friends, or have sex for fun.

Whew, this was a long post - oops!

snaps

I'm a big subscriber to the 'Ladder Theory"... Look it up.

Essentially, girls have two ladders. The "Friends" ladder, and the "more than friends" ladder. They place people where they want them on the fictitious ladders relative to where others stand. It's very hard to get from the "friends" ladder to the other ladder, but very easy to go from the other to "friends".

Guys have one ladder. It's basically a "how much I'd like to **** her" ladder.

Makes sense to me, based on my experiences.

Mikercw

^^Can I be on your "more than friends" ladder???

Washingtonblonde

Looking from a woman's prespective - yes.. we can be friends. I have some close male friends that I've never slept with and not ever care to sleep with. On the other note, I have friend who I've been with too - which Amy's ladder theory makes sense when she says that it's easy to go from the other ladder to the friend ladder.

ratchet206

Hmm... I think you and I are doing just fine as friends. So that kinda answers your question doesn't it? I don't want to have sex with you.... but I wouldn't say no (if I was single). Maybe you need to rule out gay homosexuals?




















Okay, I probably would say no, but I just want to keep you guessing on that one so you never ask.

Washingtonblonde

^^Hahaha. Thanks for the laughs Kevin.. where is your gayness chart? I don't recall how that went for you.

SiX

I find I have more male friends than female friends. No, I don't want to sleep with all these guys. They're friends and nothing more. Ok, I have had a 'special' guy friend, but that's a whole other thread.

sin808

Yeah, they can be friends. Guys will have thought about having sex with the women though, even if they wouldn't do it or give it serious consideration, they've still thought about it even if just in passing.
Not down with the ladder concept though...but that's just because I think the strongest relationships are built from a solid friendship. Seriously, if you aren't my best friend, it won't work out...ever. But that's just been my experience with it *shrug*

SiX

Well, I'll tell you a secret. Girls think about sex with their guy friends too. Doesn't mean they'll do it or that it's a serious consideration.

MrsD

Damn Six you can't go telling all our secrets

SiX

So I shouldn't say that we sometimes think about sex with our girl friends too?

sin808

I'll tell you a secret too, neither of those are secrets

MrsD

sin808

<threadjack!>

For some reason this made me think something, probably because my ex-wife was bi and actually did think of sex with her friends.
I'm ashamed to admit it but at the same time it's sorta hilarious. So ok, my ex-wife is bi, we dated for a year before getting married. We were really young (I was 20 she was 18, so apparently we were dumbasses too). Anyway, while she was in her senior year, we were dating, and she was part of some support group at her school for the gblt crowd. So one day I get a phone call from her and she tells me that her group leader/teacher unit gave some tv producer her name to be on Geraldo (back when he had a talk show, pre skinhead chair to the face iirc). It's a show about bi teens. So she can take someone for support, so she picks me. I thought I was going just for moral support, a chair in the audience and a free trip to nyc.
BTW, I should mention at this point that I had strep throat and a fever of 102 during this trip.
Anyway, I'm sitting in the audience, zoning out being sick, all of a sudden I realize the douche with the mic (Geraldo) is walking toward me and talking to me!! I snap out of my haze and he's asking me how I'd feel if she left me for a woman. I said it wouldn't matter who she left me for, man or woman, it still would mean she left. Then he proceeds to ask me if I liked boys! (boys? really..boys? do I look like a priest?) I calmly state, no I am straight and have no interest whatsoever in other guys. Apparently this answer is not adequate for 'he of the mighty mustache', so he gives me a little good humored prodding. "C'mooon, so you've NEVER been with another guy?? You're sure you don't like guys??"
Now I don't recall exactly my response but it involved a 'Dude...wtf....srsly??' look and a rather firm "No, I am not interested in guys."
Total prick...he was condescending to most everyone on the panel. And he had the gall to give us all autographed photos of himself. But I did get to go to NYC and stay at some fancy hotel a couple of blocks from time square and eat room service.

No, I don't have a copy of it on tape. I did at one point but it vanished (wonder if I could find it on youtube lol!). I should also note that my frustration was with his persistence and unwillingness to accept my answer rather than the topic. It was like a really bad cop fishing for a confession...you suuuuure you didn't do it? are you reaaallly sure?..douchnozzle.
</threadjack>

SiX

OK, too drunk to respond properly to you. However, I will say that I do have relatives on VHS on talk shows. I understand where you're coming from and don't think it's a thread jack. I also know a bit about the sensationalism (wow I spelled that) talk shows. Damn... lost my train of thought. Anyway, it's ok. I know. I'm sure other's know as well. F***, that last shot hit hard. nevermind.. and no, I won't delete this in the morning. I realize that drunkeness = absolute honesty and frankness. And that I'll get there eventually. Damn, I hope this makes some sort of sense, even to me.

sin808

Oh it was totally a threadjack..I only thought of it because of the whole sex with your girlfriends comment...cuz it's true (dunno if you met it in jest or not but I've dated at least 2 bi girls--so it really was true for them)!! But it made me think of that stupid show

As far as the sensationalism, you're spot on. As far as the drunk..looks like it was a good one!

I do wish I could see a tape of it sometime just to see what my reaction was to him...but I'm too cheap to order one from the publication company (not even sure if you can get them anymore).

I do remember bitching to my her at the time that she shoulda held out for Jenny Jones

sorry to drag this thread so far off course..friends?

SiX

Jenny Jones? That's the tape I have. Basically My son's a womanizer just like his dad. Had two girls on there father and son had both slept with. My cousin has been on a few, apparently Sally Jessie adores him. Whatever.

Yes, it was a good drunk.

Vigilante

I have lots of friends that are women/girls/female. No, I do not end up humping them... as a matter of fact, I actually respect them as friends. Respect goes a long way in my book.

I also think it would be the most hurtful/disrespectful thing I could do to my wife and I know this.

jjoker

Alright, if you took away the fact your married, and lets say your have 10 great friends that are girls, and they are all as hot as your hottest female friend.

Presented with the opportunity to have sex with them, for example, you're hanging out, get a little tipsy, and your friend discloses she hasn't had sex in a year, and is really horny, no expectation beyond physical satisfaction, and because she fells completely comfortable in your company, etc etc.

Would you decline, or give into the sins of the flesh?

Washingtonblonde

If I were single, I would!!

Vigilante

I’m not married? No current gf? Now this is completely different. There's a few things in your scenario that I would need to consider very quickly.

One is that I’m tipsy… tipsy = possibly too drunk to know better? How much has she had to drink?

She feels completely comfortable with me means she’s prolly a friend or someone I’ve at least known for quite a while… Am I sure I want to risk changing the friendship we already have? Because it prolly will (Dr. Evil voice, “It got weird, didn’t it?”). Am I going to get attached and get hurt or hurt her? Then again, maybe it’s the beginning of a new great relationship and better than the friendship was before- to me this totally depends on her individual personalities/person involved. I have found out that If I turn her down, this also can have an effect on the friendship.

The trick is (or was) for me to “smoothly” determine these things without “ruining the mood”. If she’s not “tipsy”, and I believe it when she says she has no expectations beyond the physical satisfaction (doubtful), well I would do my best to give her what she wants. YeeHAW! I know I would enjoy it as well – win win. I know it can be much simpler than this, but this would be my normal thought process given this situation. After thinking through all of this in a split second, that’s when I would usually say to myself, “Aww screw it” and then lay on as much charm as I possibly could with high expectations.

It’s one thing to talk big about it here, it’s quite another with a hot naked girl looking at you with that look. The things you have to do when you are a true friend… sheesh!

Hot-tub, boring movie, backrub, satisfaction, rinse, repeat.


But you hardly know me. You would what...?

cityxslicker

Go watch 'When Harry Met Sally'
I think that pretty much sums it up. Funky white boy overbite and all.