Washingtonblonde

So Victoria's thread about S/O's and competing careers got me thinking...What are people's expectations on what is to happen when a baby comes into the picture. Should one person step down from their career to raise the kids? If so, how do you chose? Should it be the woman? The person who makes the least amount of money? Should both parents continue to work and just put kids into some sort of care facility? What about when there are multiple kids - eventually you have to balance out the pros/cons of daycare and if they pros outweigh the hefty daycare bill.

Just would like to hear people's opinions and WHY you feel the way you do.

Washingtonblonde

I'll start.

I chose to have my second child after getting laid off from my 'career'. The layoff sort of put my priorities back in order for me. And I took advantage of the situation and stayed home with my youngest and cared for my oldest (then 7) before and after school.. and of course during all those days that they get off school.

And of course took care of all the other domestic duties that came along with being a 'stay at home mom'. But the pressure came on early by the S/O for me to get out and start working.. to bring in another income.. and of course the cost of daycare came into play.. as well did the idea of me having to leave my baby for someone else to raise.

I ended up going back to work when she was about a year and a half. Not because of financial pressure or my S/O egging me on.. Because I felt that she was at a good age.. and because I NEEDED to be around ADULTS and learn how to have adult conversations again.

So for me.. being a mom.. it's important for me to be there for my kids. I want this to be a decision that I make.. not what I'm told to do. Sadly, even if it is important to my S/O.

dizzle

I've already made a promise to myself that I will not bring a child into this world until i know that I am financially stable enough to support myself, my wife, and my child, and still have enough to support my addictions.

The man should be the one bringing in the bread imo, i used to think differently, but that's how i feel now. Even if thewoman does make more money, the woman has primal skills built inside of her on how to take care of a household, family, etc, that a man doesn't have. It's not because i'm sexist, it's because women have that ability to do that shit with out ripping there hair out like most men would.

Talking about this makes me think about the song, "Mr. Mom" by Lonestar.

Oxygen

you must be referencing all other women but me lol

even Odie doesn't trust me cause I "don't have any maternal instincts"

Mikercw

i`ll stay out of this one....kthxbai

Washingtonblonde

Why Mike? I want your opinion too. Say you and that cute little thing in your avatar were to get hitched and have a baby.. How would you see your roles?

Jet City Angel

I realize that everyone's expectations are different, given their life experiences and financial considerations.

As for me, if I had a child, I would want to stay home with him/her until about 3 or 4. I, too, would miss the adult interaction and would want to go back to work at that point. Once my child hit the teen years, assuming the economic circumstances permitted, I would also be inclined to stay home again (or Dad could stay home at this point) ... or at least work part time and be available after school. I think teens probably need as much adult supervision.

P.S. As far as maternal instincts, yes, they are there. Although, I've seen some Dads get very involved during the infant years ... and are pretty good at it ... dirty diapers and all.

ODiE

way to beat me to the punch. I think I've posted that in pretty much all of your threads. It's funny, and sort of a joke, but it's also kinda true.

I agree with Dane actually. Women can breast feed, women have a nesting instinct, women are biologically the mothers. I'm suspect of women that don't have those instincts.

I think it's ideal if the mother can stay home and be mom. I think the man DEFINITELY has to contribute because you can't completely eliminate the womens social life. But, anymore that's so difficult the reality of the situation is both parents usually MUST work.

I'm lucky because grandma is my free day care

CStyle

Interesting topic, as I am in the mix at this exact moment. Etham will be 4 months old on Thursday.

My wife makes about 2x as much as I do, she always has. We could survive on her income alone, but we could not survive on my income alone. We have talked about me being a stay at home dad, which I would be fine with. I love being with E and I am perfectly comfortable at taking care of him...ie. changing diapers, feeding, cleaning, etc..etc.. Plus I am very proficient at the domestic duties. I currently do most if not all the cooking at home, and I don't mind cleaning either, and yes I actually do a thorough job. I think spending multiple years as a Sous Chef and line cook were more beneficial than I thought.

We have decided that at this time we both need to work. This is a challenge for the fact that someone else is basically raising our child. We are having a close friend of my wifes watch E on the 4 days that she works. We are paying about 600 a month to her. After this school year is over my mother in law is retiring and she will start watching E for no charge. This will be nice financially, although Im not sure how excited I am about her raising him.

In a perfect world I would work and make well over a 100k a year and my wife could stay home, but its not a perfect world. We have made choices that have put us in a position where we both have to work, and to achieve our goals (paying off our house in the next 10 years, no car payments) we both have to work right now.

Ughh...plus my wife is already talking about wanting another child....Im like have you lost your mind!?!?!? Do you not remember what you just went through....apparently not lol.

CForce

I've seen reference to a study that suggests this is chemical: that shortly after giving birth, the mother's body goes through some sort of chemical change that limits/suppresses the negative memories. Which makes sense from a survival/evolutionary perspective--if it didn't happen, many moms wouldn't have second children.