beansbaxter

What do you do to prevent a relationship from moving faster than you'd like? Any advice you can share?

Or do you prefer to just let things happen with no slowdown on your part?

I'm asking because I want to know which way is the better way - keeping it really slow or letting things move as fast as needed?

Washingtonblonde

I'm clueless. I've always been a person to just go with the flow.. but looking back.. some things have been too fast.. not of my doing.. So.. I really don't have an answer for you. But you can never lose taking your time with things. I'm ALL for taking your time!!

zooktls97

If we feel comfortable around each other why slow down?
We ride sportbikes! lol. Brakes are overrated, throttle control is the way to go!
We're not teenagers anymore either!

Rockerchic

i'm with zook...don't get me wrong, getting a feel for the relationship is good. But if the feeling is right, what is sloooow? and why? I always hear take it day by day- sometimes i feel like that's a reason to "leave an out" . I'm gonna go headfirst into my next one, leave all caution behind and go for the gusto! Fuckit. I'm getting older day by day if i wake up 80 and no man cuz i took it one day at a time, i'm gonna be highly disappointed. I think I'm at a point where I'm willing to take a risk or two

Jet City Angel

Everyone has a different experience ... to each their own.

Moving too fast in a relationship has never served me well. It seems that chemicals are bursting through the roof ... and then ... reality sets in. Because the relationship peaked too quickly and too early on, it didn't have extra room to grow. Often, that's precisely when it started to fizzle ... and that's precisely when the relationship became super confusing and needed the most work.

I now believe in the "slow burn." That way the relationship has somewhere to go ... upward ... it's got room to grow.

There are no hard and fast rules, and without making it sound clinical, it seems both partners need to talk about it at some point and figure out for themselves exactly how that pace will evolve. Clear as mud, eh?

Qtip

I think there is a too fast but there is also a too slow, and that there is the challenge, finding the happy medium. I've had relationships that have been both and they have I think taking things slow more often end things quicker than moving too fast. But you're a big boy and only you can judge whether things are not right for YOU and that in my opinion is what really matters.

Bikenut

I say go with the flow. I have found it cuts back on the 'expectation' thing. I can't count how many friends have found themselves living with thier SO and still paying rent, if ya know what I mean.

zooktls97

What's wrong with paying rent?
I love my apartment and all the amenities.
Living with free gyms, swimming pool, hot tubs, indoor basket ball, theater room, 24 hours concierge, heck party room I can reserve at any time for free, and a nice view of the Puget sound from the deck.
I will get a house soon, lol.

evander

What's too fast? What's slowing down?

If you're both open and honest the relationship will move at the speed it's supposed to. You can't lie to yourself or you'll alway be lying to your partner.

CStyle

I think that there definitely is a point of moving to fast in a relationship. I have been guilty of this many times, and the results were always negative. The best relationship I have had is with my wife, we lived a couple hours from each other and only saw each other on the weekends/holidays. This gave us a lot of time to talk on the phone getting to know each other and also build trust in our relationship while having our own space. We did this for a year at which point I knew with out a doubt that I wanted to move our relationship to the next level. I proposed to her, and we were engaged for about 10 months. During our engagement I lived about an hour away. So we were together almost 2 years when we got married and moved in together. I appreciated having my time and space to make sure that this was the right decision, not just jumping into living together and smothering or being smothered by my partner.

Washingtonblonde

^^That's nice!!

Mikercw

Juist sl;eep ewith trhere best freiend

alwaysh woirks

DJ Nathan V

I think they're all different... especially as we get older. My relationships now are far different than even 2 years ago.

More recently... Some parts of the relationship moving more quickly (meeting family, living together) while others (physically) not as quickly. Every relationship is different though and what works in one might not work in the next. I'm pretty happy with how this one is going... and it's definitely different than any of my past relationships.

...and no Mike, I'm not ass kissing. She won't ever see this post unless I point it out to her, lol.

vivid

if you concentrate too much on speed you will miss the ride.

DJ Nathan V

If you don't pay attention to the speed at least a little you might take a corner too hot and have the ride end abruptly!

recr8ton

or I do








Ikidz

Avboden

I've learned this one the hard way. I think the only way for us to know if we really care about each other is to go slow and hold off on the sexual stuff. It's easy to stay with someone when they are putting out. But if you're both willing to date, and just be with each other, there is something there.


I'm very guilty of the opposite. My last GF, well we rushed into it, started fooling around on the 2nd date.

well it turned out I realized much too late I didn't really have strong feelings for her, and she had fallen head over heals for me. That didn't end well...

Plummy

depends on what part you're talking about in regards to what is moving too fast.

if it's just putting out, meh. go with the flow.

actual emotions and caring for someone and developing that bond, i take my damn time. cause getting hurt sucks. overheard the other day someone say that they would have rather loved and lost 10 times over never having loved at all because they at least know what love feels like. i'm the opposite. i could have happily gone on with my life having no clue what it was and just being alone.

probably because i'm anti-social.

Bikenut

that's not what I meant bud. I mean when two people have seperate homes, and yet one is constantly at the other's house. I have had friends that spend 99.9% of their time at the SO's house and still pay rent on their own place.

vivid

every relationship is different. so the speed will vary. if it feels right move ahead. if not then slow it down. simple.

Miss Annette

I think each relationship moves at a different pace and there isn't a bad or a good. But if those three words pop out of his mouth too soon I get freaked out!!!!!

Wild Angel

I do not know anymore what is right I use to go all out and give it my all. Now when I meet someone that I like if we had sex early then it is like "what do you want from me" question pops up and some people just want sex nothing else. So maybe just dating and no sex for a while then maybe you start to focus on that one person. But what if you do not want to place all eggs in one basket to quick due to fear of pain so you take it tooooo SLOW and lose the interest of the other one.

So I guess for me as dating in your 30's goes I am learning with every incounter I come into reach of. If it is RIGHT it will come natural and easy that is my ideas.

Only time can answer this question. With in time you will know by the outcome.

DJ Nathan V

Relationship.... should go as fast or as slow as needed for both people to be comfortable... and it's not something for others to judge...