Oxygen

I've been wondering this for a long time, and especially since that stupid Beyonce song that says, "if you like it then you should have put a ring on it." That line just irritates me.

Really... why do you think women are so obsessed with marriage?

KaReBarE

I don't know any that are....most women i know are just the opposite they are the ones that dont want marriage...

SiX

Um, I am not obsessed with it either. Tried it once, didn't like it. Don't want to do it again actually.

Oxygen

well maybe you guys are mutants like me...but the majority of women are...at least what I've noticed anyways..

ODiE

You also don't have any maternal instincts.

I don't know. Maybe it's the final "I win" you know? Like the whole stigma is that men don't want marriage, and if a women coaxes a man into marriage the women really has the upper hand?

Mikercw

Did you really just quote a gay ass song from Beyonce....?? wow

ODiE

that song kicks ass shut yer face.


ALL THE SINGLE LADEYZ!

vivid

i think for most women marriage is an outward thing. it's how they will be perceived by family, friends, and peers.

i've never been but this is what i (surprisingly) keep hearing.

Wild Angel

I am obsessed with wanting a man around not a ring on the finger. Just someone to be here. Alone on new years no one to kiss I am going out to my bike at midnight! They say the first person you kiss on after Midnight New Years Eve is the one you will be with the next year!! I will kiss my bike so I can make sure she is with me all next year!!

TeashaMae

I don't know, cause I don't.

I think its the age old "if your married, have 2.5 children and the white picket fence" then you're the "perfect" family.

Honestly I don't get it, to me its a piece of paper, and I don't need that to prove that you're in it for the long haul. Not saying I'm opposed, but certainly not #1 priority, even when the majority of my female friends are married and working on their second child

Washingtonblonde

not obsessed about it over here.

Metonymy

I think it's just an "idealistic" state, showing that one has achieved a milestone in life.

It's also why so many end up in divorce.

zooktls97

Too many reasons for obsessions: Love, kids, sex if you're abstinence, diamonds, money, milestone in life, green cards, afraid of not finding someone to grow old, age, etc etc etc.

Jet City Angel

The idea of "women and marriage" has hundreds (if not thousands) of years of biological and social conditioning behind it. In the past, women often were stigmatized for being single beyond a certain age. In the "old days," a woman's well-being largely depended upon her marital status and, often, her ability to produce heirs.

In Puritanical times, for example, many middle-aged and older women were accused of practicing witchcraft simply because they were single and "being different" from the others. Just because it's 2008 doesn't mean we've completely rewired our genetic coding.

Nowadays it seems, many people -- men and women -- are seeking fulfilling, long term relationships, whether or not it results in paper. Is that "obsession?" ... I don't know. The "piece of paper" doesn't hold the weight it once did, but it seems people desire a fulfilling emotional connection.

Rock the love, everyone!

Dragonfish

I've read over some marriage "Vows" and as nice as they sound at the ceremony, they sure seem to sour over the years. Why is that? What has happened in this society that makes everything disposable? Women are no more prone to wanting marriage than a man.
But considering the odds, maybe the concept needs to be changed to a negotiated marriage contract that gets renewed at agreed upon intervals with no penalty to either party.

Sittin Pretty

I do think a lot of women put too much emphasis on marriage when in a relationship. I have to be honest I don't have to be married to my SO (like a lot of you, been there done that) but there is something in me that is that shallow that I do want a ring on my finger so there is no confusion to anyone where we stand. why it matters that others know where we stand... I haven't figured out why I care. I think it also (for me) has to do with commitment. Once again, the ring not the paper. Just that you would give something so precious to the world to one person to care for and cherish. But I guess he already gave me that... not a ring, his heart.

dizzle

i'm obsessed with getting married.

i want the wedding
tuxedo's
decorations
reception
dancing
dinner
everything shnazzy

but i don't want the wife or the splitting the assets or everything.

i just basically want a giant party for myself that's like a wedding.

zooktls97

You can always get a prenup.

Dragonfish

Kinda like this guy?

recr8ton

Social Conditioning plays a huge role in this "obsession".

Girls are primed for this from the moment they can hold a baby doll to playing with "wedding barbie". Does nobody find it odd that the Disney movies most geared toward young girls all involve "prince charming" and ultimately ending with marriage and "living happily ever after"? and these are watched over and over and over and over...

As they get older, new and more adult social conditioning takes over...think of all the things women are told they can't have without being married...

that's my very short .02

snaps

I'm not obsessed with marriage, but I would like to get married one day. It'll be small and humble, more about family/friends/us than lavishness and luxury. It's not about social expectation, which I'll admit has probably affected my thinking, but it's more about finding someone who I love, that loves me in return and wants to establish a life with me. The ring is more a symbol than anything - like Sittin' Pretty, it's kind of showing off where we stand (showing off that you found the one you love, maybe?).

It's just the fact that someone is so committed to me that he is willing to take a step that others may not.

Miss Annette

I have never been married. I am not so sure i believe in the institution of marriage.

Bikenut

pffft..not sure who you hang with but it's pretty obvious...most woman DON'T. It's more of a symbolic thing any more. I don't need a piece of paper to prove to the world I am loved. Back in the day it meant alot more due to society and there expecations.

Mikercw

Um yeah...your ghey

wow, Edit to why its SOOOO ghey
YouTube -Beyonce Single Ladies

Prenuptial FTMFW!

Wild Angel

if you own a cardboard box and get married get a pre-nup!! The one you love one day will be hurt and fight you for the box until all your money is gone!! Never fails! We all get life insurance right because we know someday we will die but we get it for the accidental death more over the old age death. Well you may get married to the wrong person accidently and need this "insurance"!!

Mikercw

Prenup cause I know if I do marry a crazy bitch...she aint getting a DIME!

Bikenut

With all due respect, you confuse the hell out of me. One posts says your glad your single, the next says your 'desperate' to find someone Now you say the one you love will hurt you. WTF? I am just trying to understand your take on things. How can you be so desperate to find someone but have such, what I would consider, a bad attitude about relationships. Maybe the two come into play with each other. Not tryig to be mean, but your posts really contridict each other. Just my opinion.

Mikercw

^^Dont hurt yourself with all that thinking hun ;)

I should come stalk you for a sec lol

Bikenut

you tease!! come by! I got some prime rib with your name all over it. Plus you can see the old man's new gun!

Washingtonblonde

Bump...

Why is this? I burted out the other day that I was going to be married in 3 years. Why is it that I feel like I NEED to be married????? I KNOW I don't NEED to be married.. but there's still that part of me that feels it's the 'right' way.

MrsD

I think its called security of the heart. When your living with someone and you get into a fight its easier to say theres the door or I'm out of here. That little piece of paper actually makes people stop and think before tearing down the walls of a relationship. We came to a point in our relationship after the ocasional fighting and what not of throwing the divorce word out there. That hey you know what divorce is not an opption, not for something stupid not for us. Most of our fights were and are stupid and at some point had we not been married one of us may have walked. Why did I want to get married, I simply wanted to get married to say I Love you enough to be your wife. Its not always the women who are all fired up to get married, guys are hell to live with at times, I sure don't see any mail order husbands out there.

Mikercw

*Cough*





*Cough*





I deliver myself.....

Washingtonblonde

^^^Haha! And Mike.. do YOU Believe in Marriage??

Mikercw

Yes, I do.... Please read above quotes
But I also beleive that only due time will find my wife...
That time is sadly not now... Unless i`m swept off my feet like in a fantasy life

Washingtonblonde

Wow.. I get the whole prenup thing.. but.. I don't know. .Just kind of takes the romance out of things.

Mikercw

How does it take the romance out of things????
If everything is ok in the relationship and you love one another. The prenup will never ever be used. Its there incase two years down the road she cheats on and goes off with some other guy and tries to divorce me to get money to move in with " Tom ".

Washingtonblonde

My friend has a prenup. It states that if he were to get a divorce that his wife gets the house free and clear. Only problem is.. HE paid for that house.. not her!!! Her money gets invested.. it isn't used for living expenses. And IF they divorce.. those investments are hers.. He totally screwed himself.. BUT.. when they first married, she owned a house and he was renting.. and now the tables have turned.

Mikercw

Read.....Read again......Read some more.... Before signing

No thanks you wont see me in that scenario

Washingtonblonde

I guess if you are going into a marriage with a huge asset then it makes sense. But if you are going in somewhat equally.. and you build assets as a couple.. then they are divided evenly in the case of divorce.

midlman

Hey..how did I get dragged into this

The prenup works both ways....what you come in with...you leave with...everything else split 50/50. And hope it never comes to that....

Rockerchic

I'm not obsessed. Being married was absolutely marvelous, and I wouldnt have changed a thing. I don't NEED to be married now, but I'm absolutely am looking forward to that day again- when I find THE ONE who I cant wait to spend the rest of my life with- and i can stand up and scream out loud how much i love him and want to be with him- and only him.

dizzle

marriage is just a piece of paper that says you're married. And a tax write off. If two people are in love, what's so big about marriage? Sure the reception is great, but the sex goes down the drain and then comes the bickering. I was kinda once married to Vickie .. we lived a very married life .. man did it fucking suck. Although, the fighting was kinda fun.

CStyle

I agree with diz that the piece of paper "marriage cert" does not really mean a whole lot if the two people have not made a serious commitment to the relationship.

As far as the sex goes, I have been with my wife for 5+ years and have a child, sex is better than it has ever been.

Bickering.....you spend enough time with any person and they will start getting on your nerves. Learning how to let it go and growing with the other person...that is big stuff.

My wife and I made a commitment to each other before we got married, Divorce is not an option, nor is it something that we will even discuss. We are committed to working through our issues, no matter what they are. Obviously this requires both of us doing are part, most importantly remaining faithful.

Maggie Malloy

I think everyone needs to read The Female Brain..

its by a neurodoc from ucla

its all about how female hormoens change throughout the lifetime, and how this affects our brain activity..


some girls feel a a "need".. b/c they may have more hormones affecting their brain telling them to breed.. and (for the most part) a marriage enables a stable breeding ground and support for offspring...

*shrug*

as for myself.. not so sure.. i waiver... my mother didn't get married until she was 42... and in my late 20s, I've seen lot of the female role models in my life, being left, cheated upon, or etc... which doesnt give me much faith in ANYONES fidelity...

i know i want to get married... whats more an "if" to me, is if I can get the balls to actually take the step.. and hope it does all turn out for the best

snaps

I was out with my best girlfriends the other night and the topic turned to our relationships. I've been dating my boyfriend for, oh, 5-ish years. We've had our good times and bad, but overall it's been very good. We've talked about our future, but we're both totally fine with where we are now.

Don't get me wrong, I'd love to get married, but only if the timing is right and all. So my girlfriends are talking about their love lives and they both stare at me and ask if they can 'find me a nice husband'. um, WHAT? They think I've been 'dating' for too long and it's about time I get a ring on my finger. Their mindset astounded me. I (nicely) explained to them that I was happy and that they should worry about their own lives in that respect, but I was just blown away by the fact that they said I deserved to get married. Since when is it a right??

/rant

Mikercw

Um... You deserve to get married...hmmmm

That makes TONS of sense!

Its a choice and another leap in your life you need to take... Its not just something you run to vegas and do just for shits and giggles anymore. most likely why the divorce rates are through the damn roof!

Now how many of these "girlfriends" were single and dating??....
Can I bet that the ones saying it are single? Or on a fling?

What I dont understand is why women think that they have to get married once they are with someone for a certain amount of time... I know Maggie posting something about breeding and having a family and blah blah blah...
Do you see yourself getting married and popping out lil ones right away??

cityxslicker

If I have seen a successful one, I might have more faith in it.
My parents, my cousins, my grand parents, most of my friends are all divorced. I can count on one hand how many are not.
And speaking of mail order ... I do translation on the side for Russian women coming over for well off geeky men, been doing it for 15 years (all of them eventurally come over and get married) 3-5 clients a month.... there are only 4 of them that I know that are still married. Mail order aint a solution to a the situation.

Vigilante

^^ Both sets of my grandparents made it close to 70 years together (that's almost Paul Harvey stuff right there). Both sets of my wife's grandparents made it close to 60 years together. My parents 50th is coming up. My wife's parent's 50th is coming up. My 9th is coming up.

It can be done (with the right person and circumstances), how many more fingers do you have?

cityxslicker

I was 5, I walked into the kitchen and had a telling conversation with my mom
ME: When I grow up, I want to be a Spatula
Her: What?!?! Why do you want to be a Spatula?
ME: Cuz I dont ever wanna get married.
Her: no no, thats a Bachelor

I think even then I had the idea. That was the same year I found out there was no Santa, started riding motorcycles and had the first taste of whiskey.

AllTheLovelyThings

I'm not going to lie, I'm sort of obsessed with getting married. As are a many other girls my age (high school). I think the reason behind it is that we've grown up watching so many movies about 'modern fairy tales', that we believe that getting married really leads to happy ever after, because that's how it happens in the movies. Also, many girls of my generation have divorced parents or parents who don't love each other but are too afraid to admit it. We want to grow up and get married and NOT end up like our parents because we've watched them fight and fall out of love so we're so eager to find someone who we won't end up like that with. But that's just my personal belief and reason behind my obsession. Personally, I can't wait to find that perfect guy to move to London with and travel the world and just have adventures with and be absolutely in love with for the rest of my life. It's unrealistic, I know, but who cares?
"You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one." (:

cityxslicker

Caveat, (It has been a long strange two years)
I will NEVER get married in the US.
Moldova or bust
(bring a false divorce claim there, and the lawyer can serve jail time - divorce from Moldova is almost unheard of_)