Caps2000

Not a current problem, but one I've experienced in the past.
Your SO has a problem with one/group of your friends, gives you 'hell' when you bring them up or hang out with them, what do you do?

Additionally, What if your SO wanted you to stop hanging out/talking with a specific friend for whatever reason, either be jealousy or just plain doesn't like them for whatever reason.



Personally, while I take my personal relationships seriously, my friends are equally important. I do not like being told who I can or cannot see/hang out with, and would cause serious conflict in the relationship.

Thoughts?

Miss Annette

I have a saying.....guys come and go but a true friend will always be there for you in the end. I would never choose an SO over a friend. And honestly, if my SO was slowly wanting me to cut my ties with my friends I would start to become suspicious. Why is he trying to distance me from my friends? If he is starting to show that he is controlling in that part of our relationship....what next?

That said.....I can understand if he is uncomfortable with me hanging out with a guy, that while we are just friends, we have a very flirty friendship. And while I would not cut ties with my male friends I would be willing to curb my behavior towards other males out of respect for him and our relationship.

zooktls97

It's really up to you Caps.
Jealousy is a sign of insecurity.
If you hang out with your friends and she felt a bit of jealousy, then you should be hanging out more with your S/O. S/O loves attention, ya know.

Then again if your S/O is trying to control you on who you can hang out with, that's not good. I'd like to have my S/O be OK with my friends and heck even join in the fun.

My advice is to try to get more info on why your S/O doesn't like your friends and have deeper conversation. There could be more to it than just plain doesn't like your friends etc. Maybe try to get together to an event that all of you can enjoy like our PNW bike nites? heh.

Just imagine if you're married to your S/O and you guys always fight over friends.

MrsD

well said and very true my ex was like that. He weeded out my friends and I found myself with no phone, no wheels, no friends. Captive and controlled by an insanely jealous person. Mind you I was very young and didn't realize what was happening before it was to late. SO's don't have the right to tell you if or who you can be friends with. If your friends are getting you in trouble, then it should be your choice not theres to do something about that.

Bikenut

right here caps My SO doesn't care for some of the hooligans I hang with and ya know what, doesn't bother our relationship AT ALL! I'm not fond of his best friend either. Guy drives me nuts, but ya tolerate it. That being said, my SO would never in a million years deter me from seeing my friends. It gives us an opportunity to do stuff without each other. Sides, it only enhances the relationship. One night with some of these guys, and I come home in a much better mood

Washingtonblonde

Caps: It shouldn't have to be a choice... but I will ask you this.. Was there justification behind your S/O's insecurity/jealousy?

Looking back.. I didn't care for a few of my ex's friends but it was completely justified as they were just about the scum of the earth.. Yet.. I still welcomed them in my home and never restricted my ex from hanging out with them. But with that said.. there was a particular female friend of his that he worked with and would have the occassional beer with.. That was the ONLY friend I asked him not to hang out with and I explained to him my feelings and reasonings. I think not even a week later something happened between the two of them.

Sometimes a person's gut instinct is right.. so.. that's why I ask you.. was his/her insecurity warranted? If this friend/group is/are actually really great friends for you and your s/o has nothing to ever be concerned with them then there ya go. Don't give up your friends. They are the ones that are going to be there to help lift you up when things go wrong.

Did you ever include your S/O with this group??

Dragonfish

I think it can be tough if your So is hanging out with "friends" that are like the "Real wives of the OC" and comes home to remind you with innuendo how they have everything and how miserable life is not having it all.

TeashaMae

I don't know....the only time I was asked to not hang out with a friend, looking back was warranted...not that something would have or did happen, but because in one situation, they were not good for me.

The other situation, my bf at the time was afraid if I did start hanging out with my friends more that I would lose interest in him, which is exactly what happened.

So in both cases, they're insecurities were absolutely warranted, but for good or bad?

I think some insecurities are warranted, as Sarah said, and then some just stem from jealousy. I would talk with them to find out why they feel this way and go from there, there may be a chance to ease their feelings, but sometimes there is nothing you can do. I will ALWAYS choose my friends over a guy, my friends have and will always be there for me, can't really say the same about any guy I dated, all except one and he's one of my bestfriends now.

DJ Nathan V

I've been on both sides of this. Asked an SO to not spend time alone with one of her friends because I didn't like how he looked at her... and the fact that they had messed around before didn't help. Turned out I was right and he still wanted to get in her pants. She thought I was just being an ass because him and I didn't really get along. Proved that communication was really important... and she didn't like listening much.

As for being asked to not be around certain friends it's something you (anyone, not being specific) should seriously think about and DISCUSS why they would feel that way. Sometimes they are seeing something you're not (friend using you, friend trying to use or manipulate you) and they could be right. Maybe they're not 100% trusting of you and that's a part of it. There's a lot that can contribute to it and perhaps you can end up finding a bigger problem that is the cause of their discomfort.

Caps2000

I agree with everything said so far, this was more for general conversation then a personal issue, but I think it's something everyone has dealt with.

Panther

I have a friend that has given up all of his friends because his girlfriend thinks he wants to fuck all his friends wives. Talk about insecure!! Holy hell! So sad.

Bikenut

hope he grows out of it. There's some old saying, something like 'their gunna do it whether your looking or not'.