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Old 12-09-2008, 08:16 PM   #1
miss-communicator
 
Rockerchic's Avatar
 
I'm a Female
Living in spokane

the test drive...

Okay, so I'm in a bit of a mood. I'm angry, hurt, resentful- all of it.

My first husband didn't want to get married or have kids. Okay. Fine. I accepted these things because I loved him and wanted to be with him. After a long term investment and us going our seperate ways- he remarried and became a dad. I remember him saying how awesome "fatherhood" was. I was angry and hurt because this was not something he wanted during our relationship. "He didn't realize what he had been missing". FINE. Again, another "longterm" relationship with someone, that had all these "NO's" for our future- Okay, moving along, he decides that the things that were important to me, are now important to him- only now its with someone else.
I feel like I'm some fuckin test drive for these guys to figure out what "is really important" to them. Why cant they figure this shit out during OUR relationship??
How many more men want to go for a test drive??? I'm available.
 
Old 12-09-2008, 10:12 PM   #2
PNW Love Member
 
I'm a Dude
Living in somewhere

Sadly... Maybe your the one that opens their minds to everything "they" dont have.

If you may be "forceful" or "Direct" that you want kids, most guys hide in fear of... "Me, a Daddy".
Guys have to ready in their own minds and want to have kids. Could it be that you are the one that has higher veiws then them at that time...sure...
But somewhere out there, there is a guy with the same values,morals,respect, and wanting of a family as do you.
Dont be sad that they did see that with you... Be happy that you will have your day and guy... and they were not the ones for you.
















Ps. Um, I would LOVE a test drive.... Is there a Warranty & Insurance?
 
Old 12-10-2008, 08:07 AM   #3
is on lifes journey
 
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Living in Spokane and loving it
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It’s ok Terra you just didn’t love them enough.

If you loved them enough, and wanted something for your future, you should fight for it with them instead of quitting.

I’m coming at this from different perspective.

I was with a woman for 11years married for 9.5 I said from the beginning I didn’t want kids. Fast forward 9 years. I mention I could see having children with her. She cries. It was a beautiful moment. 6 month later she files for divorce. Two of the three reasons for the divorce was that she hated my job and hated living in Los Angeles. The last reason for our divorce was I didn’t want children. What???

Then I get into a relationship and fall head over heels in love with this woman. Again I say I don’t want kids because I just got burned by opening up about them. After a great run she thinks we don’t have a future and decides it’s better to separate. We don’t have a typical “we’re done” breaking up. It’s a long and drawn out. We go out on a date and I present her a very charming token of my love for her and express that I could marry her and she would be a great mother to my children. Her reply was “I’m not ready.” What???

I made sure in my current relationship that she knows what I want. She didn’t have the same goals. We broke up because I didn’t think we had a future. I was called out and told I didn’t love her enough. I was told if you really love someone you fight for what’s important to you. You don’t abandon the relationship. Do I know what’s going to happen? No. Do I know where I’m at in life? Yes. Do I know where I want to go? Yes. Am I going to fight for the people I love? Without a doubt YES!!!
 
Old 12-10-2008, 10:12 AM   #4
miss-communicator
 
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I'm a Female
Living in spokane

[QUOTE=evander;9591]Itís ok Terra you just didnít love them enough.

If you loved them enough, and wanted something for your future, you should fight for it with them instead of quitting.
/QUOTE]

WTFE
 
Old 12-10-2008, 11:45 AM   #5
PNW Love Junior
 
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I'm a Guy
Living in Portland

Evan, I find you reply to 100% true...for pretty much every chick flick script out there. Listen, people cannot be forced into being/staying with anybody. There are huge amounts of times where "fighting" for what you want just plain pushes the other person even further away.

I'm buying a real doll.
 
Old 12-10-2008, 12:04 PM   #6
PNW Love Senior
 
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I'm a Chicky-poo
Living in South End

Aren't we all test rides? At some point in time we are a (for lack of better terms) stepping stones for other, just as we use others to be our stepping stones.
RC in your case... you wanted the kids and he didn't think he did. He found out he did... even though the love might have been strong, it wasn't the right time - for either of you. If he didn't want to be committed to being a parent with you, would you really want to stay with someone who might resent you for pursuing a family when they weren't ready?
I know I have had a few test rides and been a few myself. One reason I ended my marriage was because I didn't want kids. He knew from the get go but was convinced I would change my mind after we settled. Lets just say.... I never did and needed to move on because neither of us were getting what we wanted. I guess you could say I was his test ride because after me he fell in love with a wonderful girl that gave him his first son. As for me, he was my test ride because I needed to dig a bit deeper to make sure the man I am with does understand what I want in life.

Evan... like you I will always fight for what I want and love in life. But it is true... there are some times when you need to know when to stop the fight. How to tell when that time is... I have no answer to that. For my personal example above... he fought for me tooth and nail. He didn't want me to go, he promised the world 5 times over... but it would never change that I didn't want to participate in that relationship anymore or in the fashion he wanted. As for now, currently I have found myself fighting and have wondered a few times if I should stop or not. Not just SOs but friends. I think it all boils down to what is healthy for you and the life you want to live. But that is the great struggle that we call life.
 
Old 12-10-2008, 12:56 PM   #7
miss-communicator
 
Rockerchic's Avatar
 
I'm a Female
Living in spokane

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sittin Pretty View Post
Aren't we all test rides? At some point in time we are a (for lack of better terms) stepping stones for other, just as we use others to be our stepping stones.
RC in your case... you wanted the kids and he didn't think he did. He found out he did... even though the love might have been strong, it wasn't the right time - for either of you. If he didn't want to be committed to being a parent with you, would you really want to stay with someone who might resent you for pursuing a family when they weren't ready?
I know I have had a few test rides and been a few myself. One reason I ended my marriage was because I didn't want kids. He knew from the get go but was convinced I would change my mind after we settled. Lets just say.... I never did and needed to move on because neither of us were getting what we wanted. I guess you could say I was his test ride because after me he fell in love with a wonderful girl that gave him his first son. As for me, he was my test ride because I needed to dig a bit deeper to make sure the man I am with does understand what I want in life.

Evan... like you I will always fight for what I want and love in life. But it is true... there are some times when you need to know when to stop the fight. How to tell when that time is... I have no answer to that. For my personal example above... he fought for me tooth and nail. He didn't want me to go, he promised the world 5 times over... but it would never change that I didn't want to participate in that relationship anymore or in the fashion he wanted. As for now, currently I have found myself fighting and have wondered a few times if I should stop or not. Not just SOs but friends. I think it all boils down to what is healthy for you and the life you want to live. But that is the great struggle that we call life.
thanks for putting into words what I could not...
 
Old 12-10-2008, 01:08 PM   #8
is on lifes journey
 
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I'm a Guy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sittin Pretty View Post
Evan... like you I will always fight for what I want and love in life. But it is true... there are some times when you need to know when to stop the fight. How to tell when that time is... I have no answer to that. think it all boils down to what is healthy for you and the life you want to live. But that is the great struggle that we call life.
I will fight until it is unhealthy for me or becomes harmful to the one I'm fighting for. Then I can move on knowing I did everything in my power to make it work. I don't want to look back and think I quit too soon.
 
Old 12-10-2008, 02:43 PM   #9
PNW Love Senior
 
Sittin Pretty's Avatar
 
I'm a Chicky-poo
Living in South End

Quote:
Originally Posted by evander View Post
I will fight until it is unhealthy for me or becomes harmful to the one I'm fighting for. Then I can move on knowing I did everything in my power to make it work. I don't want to look back and think I quit too soon.
I know I still have a hard time defining when it is time to quit. I know I am stuggling with that right now. My heart tells me to fight, but then all logic tells me it's time.
 
Old 12-10-2008, 02:53 PM   #10
PNW Love Junior
 
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I'm a Guy
Living in Portland

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sittin Pretty View Post
I know I still have a hard time defining when it is time to quit. I know I am stuggling with that right now. My heart tells me to fight, but then all logic tells me it's time.
for both you and Evan...after awhile your just
 
Old 12-10-2008, 10:36 PM   #11
So Amazingly Happy
 
Washingtonblonde's Avatar
 
I'm a Lady
Living in Lacey, WA

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rockerchic View Post
Okay, so I'm in a bit of a mood. I'm angry, hurt, resentful- all of it.

My first husband didn't want to get married or have kids. Okay. Fine. I accepted these things because I loved him and wanted to be with him. After a long term investment and us going our seperate ways- he remarried and became a dad. I remember him saying how awesome "fatherhood" was. I was angry and hurt because this was not something he wanted during our relationship. "He didn't realize what he had been missing". FINE. Again, another "longterm" relationship with someone, that had all these "NO's" for our future- Okay, moving along, he decides that the things that were important to me, are now important to him- only now its with someone else.
I feel like I'm some fuckin test drive for these guys to figure out what "is really important" to them. Why cant they figure this shit out during OUR relationship??
How many more men want to go for a test drive??? I'm available.

Awwwww.. I don't have any magic words of wisdom here.. Only hugs. Sending you BIG Sarah hugs!!
 
Old 12-11-2008, 12:58 PM   #12
PNW Love Sophomore
 
KaReBarE's Avatar
 
I'm a Girl
Living in Kennewick

Seriously Terra, it seems like your always compromising what "you" want/need in the relationship to make the other happy....

from what you wrote it seems you resent your ex's for going off and having children, something i have read quite a few times from you that you are "not" ready for ? I'm confused.

If you want children then I think you should make a point of saying so in your relationship..... maybe it shouldnt be a deal breaker, but, put it out there.... I personally don't think that it's "you didnt love them enough"...... I think that's BS... from what i do know about you, you are a deeply caring,loving,woman, that is always putting others needs ahead of your own, and maybe that in someways has contributed to where you are now. putting others ahead of yourself has got them what they never realized they wanted, and you wishing you had a family of your own.


if you always compromise your wants/needs your going to do nothing for the relationships your in. and going to continue searching for that someone....that may or may not exist.
 
Old 12-11-2008, 01:03 PM   #13
PNW Love Sophomore
 
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I'm a Girl
Living in Kennewick

Quote:
Originally Posted by evander View Post

If you loved them enough, and wanted something for your future, you should fight for it with them instead of quitting.
I agree with you to a point...not directed at terra, but in general. I hate when someone says they want you, need you etc, but then do nothing to fight for the relationship....if you love someone how can you just watch them walk out of your life?? i dont understand that. this has happened to me and it makes me feel that, that person really never did care. cause if he did he would have at least tried for me, for us...
 
Old 12-11-2008, 01:39 PM   #14
is on lifes journey
 
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I'm a Guy
Living in Spokane and loving it
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Humor is Raunchy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KaReBarE View Post
I hate when someone says they want you, need you etc, but then do nothing to fight for the relationship....if you love someone how can you just watch them walk out of your life?? i dont understand that. this has happened to me and it makes me feel that, that person really never did care. cause if he did he would have at least tried for me, for us...

I know the feeling.
 
Old 12-11-2008, 01:59 PM   #15
PNW Love Senior
 
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I'm a Chicky-poo
Living in South End

Quote:
Originally Posted by evander View Post
I know the feeling.
 
Old 12-11-2008, 02:35 PM   #16
PNW Love Junior
 
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I'm a Guy
Living in Portland

Quote:
Originally Posted by evander View Post
I know the feeling.
0
 
Old 12-12-2008, 11:06 AM   #17
PNW Love Sophomore
 
zooktls97's Avatar
 
I'm a Guy
Living in Seattle

I'm sorry to hear RC.
Could it be just bad timing?
Finding "the one" is hard.
Once you found it, don't ever let go.
 
Old 01-22-2009, 12:38 PM   #18
miss-communicator
 
Rockerchic's Avatar
 
I'm a Female
Living in spokane

Bump...

okay- so here recently I've been dating a new guy (I will share details later). Totally cruising along just fine and dandy. THEN BAM!

Phone is blowing up with text messages from an ex...."I miss you", "you were right" blah dee fucking blah. Well no shit asshole! Of course I was right! Here's my thought process..

I was totally fucking into you, wouldve done anything...however if ya tell me we are done, we are done. i said there would be a point at which i would not look back. I told you when I had reached that point. I moved forward. YOu moved back. Now you wanna give me this info? and for why? what would you like me to do with it? What exactly are you saying/asking? U just want to piss me off???? GO THE FUCK AWAY! YOU CRUSHED ME YOU ASS!

and here i sit. putting stupid thought energy into this person and its pissing me off.
 
Old 01-22-2009, 01:26 PM   #19
Married and then some.
 
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I'm a Female
Living in Crazytown
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rockerchic View Post
Bump...

okay- so here recently I've been dating a new guy (I will share details later). Totally cruising along just fine and dandy. THEN BAM!

Phone is blowing up with text messages from an ex...."I miss you", "you were right" blah dee fucking blah. Well no shit asshole! Of course I was right! Here's my thought process..

I was totally fucking into you, wouldve done anything...however if ya tell me we are done, we are done. i said there would be a point at which i would not look back. I told you when I had reached that point. I moved forward. YOu moved back. Now you wanna give me this info? and for why? what would you like me to do with it? What exactly are you saying/asking? U just want to piss me off???? GO THE FUCK AWAY! YOU CRUSHED ME YOU ASS!

and here i sit. putting stupid thought energy into this person and its pissing me off.
No looking back ..he just realized he lost the best thing that ever happened to him..make him eat shit RC and don't look back ever..then could you please teach that lesson to my brother whos still stuck on his ex after 2 yrs
 
Old 01-22-2009, 01:51 PM   #20
So Amazingly Happy
 
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I'm a Lady
Living in Lacey, WA

RC.. I think men move with the cycle of the moon or something like that. Just stay strong and focus on what's good - you're new man!
 
Old 01-22-2009, 05:24 PM   #21
Litte Mary Sunshine
 
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I'm a Girl
Living in just this of side of hell

Not trying to poke the bear here, but how long ago was this RC? If within the last 5 years, yea, the pain and resentment is well warranted. I like to think we all evolve. Maybe he just wasn't ready 'then'. Men mature slowly (if at all)

I give ya kudos all the way around tho. You've always been one pretty strong chicky poo and hold your own. I personally wouldn't have the balls to piss you off but apparantly the guy blowing your phone up didn't get that memo. Would you like me re-send it and ask him if his health insurance is paid up Hang in there chicka. vent away! It will make ya feel better. oh, and if you go off on him, could you video it and post it for us. I'd pay top dollar to see you launch someone
 
Old 07-27-2009, 12:50 AM   #22
PNW Love Member
 
cityxslicker's Avatar
 
I'm a Dude
Living in Sequim - Yeah, Baby!

[QUOTE=Rockerchic;9597][QUOTE=evander;9591]

If you loved them enough, and wanted something for your future, you should fight for it with them instead of quitting.
/QUOTE]

BullShiate. There is no amout of 'loving' someone enough to force them to do what they dont want to do. Now you might get them to understand your point of view, you might make them come to terms with what is going on in their head, but it is their decision. to think that you can love somebody into changing their mind... it smacks of wishing on a star for lottery numbers.
If you just hold on long enough, they'll change.... um no. See "He's just not that into you" pointed scene when priss boy is trying to get Scarlet into a house, tied down, domestic and kidded up.... great scene
 
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