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Old 12-09-2008, 08:08 PM   #1
miss-communicator
 
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Are You Repeating Yourself?

So, do you find you are no longer in a relationship because it didn't meet certain needs you required/needed to carry it on? Only to find that each relationship somehow leads a similiar story line? How do you "break the habit" so to speak?
 
Old 12-09-2008, 08:11 PM   #2
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Keep looking until you find that someone that meets your standards. Why lower your expectations for someone else? If you are honest with yourself about what you really want in life go out and find it. Then work hard to keep it.
 
Old 12-09-2008, 10:14 PM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by evander View Post
Keep looking until you find that someone that meets your standards. Why lower your expectations for someone else? If you are honest with yourself about what you really want in life go out and find it. Then work hard to keep it.
 
Old 12-10-2008, 12:37 AM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mikercw View Post

Yes and no

If you keep just looking for someone else to fit YOUR mold.. you'll never realize the reasons you may have sought particular people out..and why it ended

I repeated the asshole phase (finding men who were assholes)... there were reasons behind it.. unbeknownst to me... but once I finally figured it out... I was able to identify reasons, and needs, and why I was putting myself in those particular situations, I was able to stop putting myself in that situation..
 
Old 12-10-2008, 02:46 AM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Maggie Malloy View Post
Yes and no

If you keep just looking for someone else to fit YOUR mold.. you'll never realize the reasons you may have sought particular people out..and why it ended

I repeated the asshole phase (finding men who were assholes)... there were reasons behind it.. unbeknownst to me... but once I finally figured it out... I was able to identify reasons, and needs, and why I was putting myself in those particular situations, I was able to stop putting myself in that situation..
If you go outside YOUR mold then you are opening yourself up to things that you may not be familiar with. Just cause a guy is an asshole doesnt mean its cause of the standards that a person has.
A guy or gal can be the best thing in the world... but sometime down the road he or she can turn into an asshole...
You put yourself into those kind of relationships cause you liked it for a bit...until it got out of control and you yourself couldn't control the relationship... wasn't that he was an asshole
 
Old 12-10-2008, 10:04 AM   #6
The Doctor Is In
 
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Living in Seattle, WA

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rockerchic View Post
So, do you find you are no longer in a relationship because it didn't meet certain needs you required/needed to carry it on? Only to find that each relationship somehow leads a similiar story line? How do you "break the habit" so to speak?
Can't keep doing the same thing expecting different results.
 
Old 12-10-2008, 12:00 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Oxygen View Post
Can't keep doing the same thing expecting different results.
Um...You keep dating Asian guys!!.... Kthxbai nuf said
 
Old 12-10-2008, 12:02 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Maggie Malloy View Post
Yes and no

If you keep just looking for someone else to fit YOUR mold.. you'll never realize the reasons you may have sought particular people out..and why it ended

I repeated the asshole phase (finding men who were assholes)... there were reasons behind it.. unbeknownst to me... but once I finally figured it out... I was able to identify reasons, and needs, and why I was putting myself in those particular situations, I was able to stop putting myself in that situation..
QFT ...that is all I'm sayin...
 
Old 12-10-2008, 01:43 PM   #9
Crazy Cat Lady
 
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I'm a Lady
Living in Seatown

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mikercw View Post
You put yourself into those kind of relationships cause you liked it for a bit...until it got out of control and you yourself couldn't control the relationship... wasn't that he was an asshole

Yes it was
And it wasnt about control.. I wont get into what it "really was about".. but it had nothing to do with control.. ever...I wouldnt ever be in a relationship for "control"

and yes.. "he" was an asshole... and I sought out those types for awhile for the need they fulfilled in me...

Just saying.. if you keep pushing it off your self and just seek out new or different ppl, you may not deal with the part of the issues that are actually inherent in YOU.. and not someone else...
 
Old 12-10-2008, 01:47 PM   #10
M0DERAT0R
 
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Living in Auburn, WA

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mikercw View Post
...until it got out of control and you yourself couldn't control the relationship... wasn't that he was an asshole



Yeah, she's the controlling type. I can't do shit anymore.





:roll: I think you know a lot less about that situation than you think you do.
 
Old 12-10-2008, 03:15 PM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Oxygen View Post
Can't keep doing the same thing expecting different results.
while that's usually the case in most aspects of life, it's not always true in a relationship. Even if you're acting the same way from one relationship to another, there's the factor of another person. Different upbringing, different needs, different life. I don't know if this is what you're getting at, but you shouldn't have to change who you are, how you act, or what you want just because you want a different result...
 
Old 12-10-2008, 10:31 PM   #12
So Amazingly Happy
 
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Living in Lacey, WA

Quote:
Originally Posted by evander View Post
Keep looking until you find that someone that meets your standards. Why lower your expectations for someone else? If you are honest with yourself about what you really want in life go out and find it. Then work hard to keep it.
Well said.


For me, with everyone that I've dated.. they have all been SO COMPLETELY different than one another.. so I don't really see myself sticking to a certain "mold".

BUT.. I will say this though.. I used to be very aware of what I DIDN'T want and would date people that fit in this catagory.. WRONG way to approach it. Just go with what ever makes you happy.. Happy is good!
 
Old 12-11-2008, 10:34 AM   #13
M0DERAT0R
 
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I'm a Gentleman
Living in Auburn, WA

Quote:
Originally Posted by snaps View Post
while that's usually the case in most aspects of life, it's not always true in a relationship. Even if you're acting the same way from one relationship to another, there's the factor of another person. Different upbringing, different needs, different life. I don't know if this is what you're getting at, but you shouldn't have to change who you are, how you act, or what you want just because you want a different result...
Absolutely correct. Never change yourself and don't expect to change the other person. If you don't fit then you don't fit. There's other people out there.
 
Old 12-11-2008, 01:12 PM   #14
The Doctor Is In
 
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I'm a Girl
Living in Seattle, WA

Quote:
Originally Posted by snaps View Post
while that's usually the case in most aspects of life, it's not always true in a relationship. Even if you're acting the same way from one relationship to another, there's the factor of another person. Different upbringing, different needs, different life. I don't know if this is what you're getting at, but you shouldn't have to change who you are, how you act, or what you want just because you want a different result...
No, that's not exactly what I was getting at. If your relationships all end for the same reasons (as OP said) then I would think something needs to be changed...maybe a behavior pattern or something along those lines. If you are stubborn and wont change your behavior patterns that continually destroy relationships that are important to you, then you will keep cycling through relationships with the same outcome. Does that make sense?

I don't believe you should completely change yourself for someone...but I think little compromises and changes are essential for any relationship to function properly.
 
Old 12-12-2008, 11:08 AM   #15
PNW Love Sophomore
 
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I'm a Guy
Living in Seattle

Broken heart sucks.
First time and every time.
The question is, do you give up?
The answer is, don't give up!
 
Old 12-12-2008, 11:59 AM   #16
So Amazingly Happy
 
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I'm a Lady
Living in Lacey, WA

Quote:
Originally Posted by Oxygen View Post
No, that's not exactly what I was getting at. If your relationships all end for the same reasons (as OP said) then I would think something needs to be changed...maybe a behavior pattern or something along those lines. If you are stubborn and wont change your behavior patterns that continually destroy relationships that are important to you, then you will keep cycling through relationships with the same outcome. Does that make sense?

I don't believe you should completely change yourself for someone...but I think little compromises and changes are essential for any relationship to function properly.
You are right V.. I observe other people.. and see relationship after relationship failing for the same reasons.. At some point you need to take a look at yourself and see if there is something that might need to be fixed.
 
Old 12-12-2008, 12:06 PM   #17
PNW Love Sophomore
 
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I'm a Guy
Living in Seattle

Living with someone who is not you definitely need a lot of compromises from attitude to way of life.
These things should be talked about before deciding to move in together or get married.
That's why marriage counseling before marriage is highly recommended.
 
Old 08-10-2009, 04:56 PM   #18
PNW Love Member
 
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I'm a Dude
Living in Sequim - Yeah, Baby!

Quote:
Originally Posted by zooktls97 View Post
Broken heart sucks.
First time and every time.
The question is, do you give up?
The answer is, don't give up!
Meh, its not that I gave up, its that I care less about it every day. I am done with the game. I am out to find my bliss and make myself happy, in the end it is the only thing I can control. The rest of it, well I never needed anyone one to complete me, and I am done having a crutch like that in my life. Its not that I am indifferent to it, its just that i dont care any more.
 
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