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Old 10-24-2008, 08:51 AM   #1
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Is it harder as we get older?

I think so. It's hard to find someone who isn't an emotional wreck or who feels they "missed out" on something so they want to re-live and play the game, so to speak. People our age are married, divorced, single parents, etc.

My sister-on-law told me that at my age *gasp* it would be hard to find someone who wasn't a divorcee or who didn't have kids, or both. I agree.
 
Old 10-24-2008, 09:01 AM   #2
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Well yes you are right at least for the guys that you might be looking for... Not all are emotional wrecks, players, or not "right in the head".

You ARE still young - your smart,witty,beautiful, and have a great personality.
Its not as easy as being 18 again and having a boyfriend or two to choose from-- BUT -- That doesn't mean that there is not someone out there that you will find that you see everything in.
 
Old 10-24-2008, 09:05 AM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by elaine View Post
I think so. It's hard to find someone who isn't an emotional wreck or who feels they "missed out" on something so they want to re-live and play the game, so to speak. People our age are married, divorced, single parents, etc.

My sister-on-law told me that at my age *gasp* it would be hard to find someone who wasn't a divorcee or who didn't have kids, or both. I agree.
how old are you exactly? I thought you're like 21 .. you sure party like you are.
 
Old 10-24-2008, 09:08 AM   #4
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As Tom lykis once said, your opportunities expand as you mature. When your 20 your age range is limited, but when you are older and established the range expands, allowing more choices.
While being too picky may be a deterrant, it is also worth it if and when the right opprtunity presents itself.
 
Old 10-24-2008, 09:31 AM   #5
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You can call me a romantic or maybe even naive, but I truly believe that there is that perfect person out there for everyone. That being said I also believe that "water seeks its own level" meaning that in general people attract others who are in a similar mental, emotional, and spiritual state. If people spend more time working on themselves and their own issues, they have a better chance of connecting with a "healthy" person. "healthy" being someone at a similar level as ourselves.

Last edited by CStyle; 10-24-2008 at 10:12 AM.
 
Old 10-24-2008, 09:53 AM   #6
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*looks down*

If it gets any harder...

... oh... nevermind.






Carry on.
 
Old 10-24-2008, 10:08 AM   #7
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I agree. I'm 38 and let me tell you at this age it can be tough.

CStyle makes good points, though I feel "healthy" to be a relative term. I feel people just need to accept the fact we ALL are emotional wrecks to some degree and we ALL have been bruised.
 
Old 10-24-2008, 10:20 AM   #8
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It is harder. When I finally got out of my marriage I had NO DOUBT that I would meet someone wonderful and have what I felt I was always meant for. It's been nearly two years...... It's not as easy as I thought. But then again I'm much pickier than I used to be. I'm not willing to tolerate certain things from people (I think there was another thread where I touched on this). The first sign that someone wants me to change or tries to control me or a situation.. I'll take a walk!
 
Old 10-24-2008, 10:46 AM   #9
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also, as a male with no kids, dating a single mother can be pretty rough. You'll never be number one in her life, never be able to just go on a spontanious adventures. Then there is the dymanic of the mother and fathers relationship...is it good, bad. Then there is your relationship with them both and how invovled you are with the kid(s), because eventually you will become a parent figure in every way...It's alot for a guy to step into.
 
Old 10-24-2008, 04:36 PM   #10
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Who am I to give advice?? But all of you are correct, it does get more difficult to find anyone without baggage, me included, but these discussions help lots. DJ N, you are in the best position of all of us, you have more time to look around. Headup, dude you could be as ugly as me! lol or not.
 
Old 10-24-2008, 05:40 PM   #11
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Yea..it's probably harder to meet someone as you get older, since at this point...the usual place to meet someone is the bar scene and those are usually younger people....

The way I figure...I'll just keep doing what I find fun..and hopefully eventually I'll meet someone along the way with the same interests...
 
Old 10-24-2008, 05:46 PM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by elaine View Post
I think so. It's hard to find someone who isn't an emotional wreck or who feels they "missed out" on something so they want to re-live and play the game, so to speak
what they dont realize is that...the grass isnt always greener ....
i have words that go along with this but i will keep them to myself.
nice post E
 
Old 10-24-2008, 07:50 PM   #13
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There are so many factors in this it's hard to reduce to just a simple yes or now. Ultimately, i hate to admit, but I think Lykis had it right in saying as you get older you have more options. however, as you get older I think you also learn what you like more specifically and rule out a lot more people. So, as most other things, it depends on the individual. How specific are your criteria?
 
Old 10-24-2008, 08:13 PM   #14
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Given that the older you are the more "baggage" you are likely to be carrying around. It all depends on what one considers baggage..for some..anyone with kids will be deemed as having baggage..for others..it may not...

I suppose one bright point (depending on how you look at it) is that over 50% of folks are divorced.... misery loves company..and there's lots out there ...
 
Old 10-25-2008, 02:59 AM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mikercw View Post
Well yes you are right at least for the guys that you might be looking for... Not all are emotional wrecks, players, or not "right in the head".

You ARE still young - your smart,witty,beautiful, and have a great personality.
Its not as easy as being 18 again and having a boyfriend or two to choose from-- BUT -- That doesn't mean that there is not someone out there that you will find that you see everything in.
Not necessarily "looking for"... just the ones who's paths I seem to come across.

Thanks Mike... that's sweet. But you're right... what we wanted when we were 20 are not the same as what we'd like ten years later... I'd like to think that "mine" is out there, but he's being a man and hasn't asked for directions yet! LMAO

I was single for 3 yrs while I made work and my masters my priority... I figured... a relationship wasn't a huge priority; it was a bonus. In my mind, being in a relationship would not help me get promoted nor will it help me get an education. I had the support I needed when I started when I was in the relationship, but after that ended it was all work and school. A relationship will come when the opportunity presents itself so there's no rush.
 
Old 10-25-2008, 03:15 AM   #16
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dizzle View Post
how old are you exactly? I thought you're like 21 .. you sure party like you are.
My driver's license says I'm 33, but this guy at the bar tonight put me at 25 max. LOL

Quote:
Originally Posted by recr8ton View Post
CStyle makes good points, though I feel "healthy" to be a relative term. I feel people just need to accept the fact we ALL are emotional wrecks to some degree and we ALL have been bruised.
Right... a healthy relationship is built over time too... and anyone who's ever been hurt in a relationship IS "damaged" goods because now they views are skewed and they are more cautious.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Washingtonblonde View Post
It's not as easy as I thought. But then again I'm much pickier than I used to be. I'm not willing to tolerate certain things from people (I think there was another thread where I touched on this). The first sign that someone wants me to change or tries to control me or a situation.. I'll take a walk!
Yup... I've always been told by my closest girl/guy friends that I'm "too picky". I think we have to be. I don't think that we're trying to find the one person who has all these traits.. we're just looking for the ones who meet most of the criteria... it's a give and take.

I told my bf (at the time) problems we could work out, but the moment he raised his hand at me, I'd be gone. I left him 14 months later. That was the only relationship I've ever walked away from...

Quote:
Originally Posted by midlman View Post
Yea..it's probably harder to meet someone as you get older, since at this point...the usual place to meet someone is the bar scene and those are usually younger people....

The way I figure...I'll just keep doing what I find fun..and hopefully eventually I'll meet someone along the way with the same interests...
No kidding right? I stopped going out because of that. Then I realzed, I wasn't meeting anyone (even new friends) because I stopped going out! I just go out now to have fun.

Quote:
Originally Posted by shelbyguy View Post
what they dont realize is that...the grass isnt always greener ....
i have words that go along with this but i will keep them to myself.
nice post E
 
Old 10-25-2008, 03:16 AM   #17
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ODiE View Post
How specific are your criteria?
Apparently too specific.
 
Old 10-25-2008, 06:52 AM   #18
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Quote:
Originally Posted by elaine View Post
Apparently too specific.
lower your standards then :D
 
Old 10-25-2008, 08:35 AM   #19
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Yes and no.

The harder part about dating over 30: more "baggage," however you define that term. More "wounds," more "battle scars," and bigger "trust" issues with the opposite sex. The flip side -- the fantastic part about dating over 30: you're beginning to know who you really are and living as the person you're truly meant to be, which means, you've just found the gateway to the best damn life you are capable of living.

Everyone, I mean everyone, will dance in the belly of the beast at some point in their lives. No one is immune. I don't care whether it's heart ache, serious illness, failure, divorce, crashing your bike and breaking a leg. Everyone will experience discomfort and loss at one point or another.

So, take these experiences -- take this discomfort -- and transform them into a life well lived. I'm not saying it's easy or fun. Somedays, it's damn brutal. What I am saying is that you're not alone and don't give up on the process if it matters to you to find and sustain a healthy relationship. Learn from these hardships and calibrate your relationship choices wisely as you cruise through the speedway of life.

Even though I'm ready to settle down (again) with the right guy, I enjoy dating at my age because I like who I am so much more than I did in my 20s. Hey, what can I say, I'm a hopeful romantic. I believe it will happen, just don't know when.
 
Old 10-25-2008, 09:23 AM   #20
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Quote:
Originally Posted by shelbyguy View Post
what they dont realize is that...the grass isnt always greener ....
i have words that go along with this but i will keep them to myself.
nice post E

the grass isnt greener on the other side- its greener where you water it.




I think as you get older and experiance more relationships, you discover more about yourself as well. You learn what is important to you, that u have certain values you wont budge on and have a better idea of what it is you are looking for. At this point in my life, I don't plan on settling for anything less. Am I willing to sacrifice certain things in life, but the I'm hoping the trade off is just as rewarding. I'm dating a man that has custody of his kids- this is a major lifestyle change for me, but I'm at a point where I'm ready for that extra responsiblity, I wouldnt have been a few years ago
 
Old 10-25-2008, 12:28 PM   #21
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Rockerchic, love the quote: the grass isn't greener on the other side, it's greener where you water it. You're right ... it definitely takes two people to fight for the relationship. It only takes one discordant partner to end it.
 
Old 10-25-2008, 12:31 PM   #22
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Quote:
Originally Posted by recr8ton View Post
also, as a male with no kids, dating a single mother can be pretty rough. You'll never be number one in her life, never be able to just go on a spontanious adventures.
I can't even begin to tell you how right this is. I've tried it a few times and needless to say, I'm still single...
 
Old 10-25-2008, 01:23 PM   #23
tellyourhotfriendtocallme
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by recr8ton View Post
also, as a male with no kids, dating a single mother can be pretty rough. You'll never be number one in her life, never be able to just go on a spontanious adventures. Then there is the dymanic of the mother and fathers relationship...is it good, bad. Then there is your relationship with them both and how invovled you are with the kid(s), because eventually you will become a parent figure in every way...It's alot for a guy to step into.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Metonymy View Post
I can't even begin to tell you how right this is. I've tried it a few times and needless to say, I'm still single...
Not just for guys... women too. I love kids, but don't have any myself and not in a hurry to have one of my own. But you guys are right... I've dated guys who have kids and understand their kid(s) comes first; they always will. And it is hard to determine the kind of dynamic that is in current standing. Whether they live with them or not, you definitely have to have the patience to work at it and around the other person's schedule as nothing is set in stone.
 
Old 10-26-2008, 09:56 AM   #24
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rockerchic View Post
the grass isnt greener on the other side- its greener where you water it.
The Grass is grener on the other side because they have more shit over there.
 
Old 10-26-2008, 12:01 PM   #25
tellyourhotfriendtocallme
 
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^^
 
Old 11-17-2008, 02:14 PM   #26
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Quote:
Originally Posted by elaine View Post
I think so. It's hard to find someone who isn't an emotional wreck or who feels they "missed out" on something so they want to re-live and play the game, so to speak. People our age are married, divorced, single parents, etc.

My sister-on-law told me that at my age *gasp* it would be hard to find someone who wasn't a divorcee or who didn't have kids, or both. I agree.
 
Old 11-18-2008, 12:14 PM   #27
Awesome.
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dragonfish View Post
As Tom lykis once said, your opportunities expand as you mature. When your 20 your age range is limited, but when you are older and established the range expands, allowing more choices.
While being too picky may be a deterrant, it is also worth it if and when the right opprtunity presents itself.
oh yeah yeah. run with that, be hot lady cradle robber!
 
Old 12-28-2008, 10:59 PM   #28
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Quote:
Originally Posted by recr8ton View Post
also, as a male with no kids, dating a single mother can be pretty rough. You'll never be number one in her life, never be able to just go on a spontanious adventures. Then there is the dymanic of the mother and fathers relationship...is it good, bad. Then there is your relationship with them both and how invovled you are with the kid(s), because eventually you will become a parent figure in every way...It's alot for a guy to step into.
Not sure why I'm seeing this for the first time.. and I must say that you are right. But.. it's not just for new guys..my kids come before absolutely everyone including myself.. even before myprior marriage to their father.

And yes.. their dad will always be 'in the picture'.. ugh.. and my mom was making jokes this evening on what a 'hard sell' we all are (we're a little quirky??).

So I wonder for a single mom.. would I have better luck with a single guy or better luck with a 'dad' who is in the same situation and possibly more understanding?? Or is it all just on the individual...
 
Old 12-29-2008, 12:23 AM   #29
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For me I would not have a problem dating a man with kids. I very much admire a parent (any parent) that puts their kids before anyone else in their life. It is one of the qualities that I love most about Sarah. Personally, I love kids so I do not have a problem being around them or including them in on a date. And I would never label someone having children as "baggage".
 
Old 12-29-2008, 08:08 AM   #30
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That's nice Annette. I think the word 'baggage' is a sucky word.. It sounds so negative.. but having a past and having a family should never be looked at as a negative thing.

I think a lot more women are open to dating someone with kids then men. Most men I've talked with would prefer to date someone that didn't have kids over someone with kids. These men would also prefer to have their 'own' kids versus taking in someone elses kids. Blood matters.
 
Old 12-29-2008, 09:46 AM   #31
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Washingtonblonde View Post
I think a lot more women are open to dating someone with kids then men. Most men I've talked with would prefer to date someone that didn't have kids over someone with kids. These men would also prefer to have their 'own' kids versus taking in someone elses kids. Blood matters.

Truth for the most part.

Blood doesn't matter to me. Adoption is fine. But it comes back to "our" kids, verses her's from a previous relationship.
 
Old 12-30-2008, 02:46 PM   #32
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Well, people these days are becoming more independent and single life style is a trend nowadays. It's not only here, but it's in other countries too like in Japan. People stay to focus on their career than family. But then again, in Japan, prostitution is legal there too.

I myself would not date someone with kids. I'm greedy with it comes to attention. I want her to be number 1 in my life and vice versa. If I'm 2nd, I feel lack of attentions. If I can't find that person, then I'd rather stay single.
 
Old 12-30-2008, 06:33 PM   #33
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I have to digress from the general consensus here. I find that it's getting easier as I'm getting older. I've learned more about myself, settled down, and have a good idea of what a successful relationship will be like for me.

Rewind 5 years and I couldn't have you the difference between a good relationship and a hole in the ground, other than the basic tenets (no lying, cheating, etc.). I didn't have a clue what a truly successful relationship was about.

Times have changed and so have I. "Growing up" is hard, but well worth the adventure.
 
Old 12-30-2008, 06:36 PM   #34
Down the Rabbit Hole
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Washingtonblonde View Post
I think a lot more women are open to dating someone with kids then men. Most men I've talked with would prefer to date someone that didn't have kids over someone with kids. These men would also prefer to have their 'own' kids versus taking in someone elses kids. Blood matters.
While I can't give too much detail on the idea of men or women and who is more open to dating others with kids, I think a lot of it has to do with the kid(s) themselves. Some kids are absolutely awesome, and some kids are total brats.

I won't date a girl who has kids if I think they're terrors. Any girl that I've dated who has kid(s) has been a good parent and had good kids. It's why I moved forward with dating her instead of immediately moving on.

If a kid acts like a tyrant, it reflects directly back on the parent and points to other things that need to be taken into consideration.
 
Old 12-16-2009, 10:38 AM   #35
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Looking for someone that hasnt been married, and has no kids is an ever shrinking pool, and if you make it to 40 and havent done either everybody will assume that you are 'damaged goods' and a red flag.
Gawd I love me some western cultural generalizations (disgusted, not angry)
 
Old 12-29-2009, 09:18 PM   #36
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Yes it is harder, thank you Pfizer, Lilly-Miller, and Glaxo SmithKline. If you triple stack the Viagra, Cialis, and Levitra and chase it with Red Bull.... Its a hardon that lasts for days and has wings ;)
 
Old 01-13-2010, 08:04 PM   #37
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you tard way to bump a year old thread...not that we have an abundance of them..wow, we have been afloat a year? Holy shit...
 
Old 01-14-2010, 03:15 AM   #38
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cityxslicker View Post
Yes it is harder, thank you Pfizer, Lilly-Miller, and Glaxo SmithKline. If you triple stack the Viagra, Cialis, and Levitra and chase it with Red Bull.... Its a hardon that lasts for days and has wings ;)
Aren't you supposed to seek medical help if you have a erection lasting more than 4 hours. I wonder what they do, I always laugh at the comercial when I hear that. With wings so it can fly to infinity and beyond..oh wait thats buzz lightyear..oh its going to be a day
 
Old 01-14-2010, 04:31 PM   #39
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I'm a Dude
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I was bored
I am an attention whore
I was drunk
I am an attention whore
I had insomnia
I am an attention whore
There was nothing good on TV
I am an attention whore
I was out of booze
I am an attention whore
I already made a sammich
I am an attention whore

And the number one reason to bump a year old thread ?


bump itty bumptitty bump

And I am an attention whore.
 
Old 01-15-2010, 06:20 AM   #40
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MrsD View Post
Aren't you supposed to seek medical help if you have a erection lasting more than 4 hours. I wonder what they do, I always laugh at the comercial when I hear that. With wings so it can fly to infinity and beyond..oh wait thats buzz lightyear..oh its going to be a day
I think you are supposed to seek medical attention if it last more than 4 hours. I think they show you a picture of Hillary Clinton... Pretty sure that would do it for me anyway. This also works if you happen to drink antifreeze and need to vomit.
 
Old 01-19-2010, 02:32 AM   #41
PNW Love Member
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Vigilante View Post
This also works if you happen to drink antifreeze and need to vomit.
ya know.... I knew I was forgetting something

Now I know why cats love the stuff!
 
Old 01-19-2010, 09:33 AM   #42
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Vigilante View Post
I think you are supposed to seek medical attention if it last more than 4 hours. I think they show you a picture of Hillary Clinton... Pretty sure that would do it for me anyway. This also works if you happen to drink antifreeze and need to vomit.
 
Old 01-19-2010, 10:44 AM   #43
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MrsD View Post
Hillary call me Ma'am NO
Miss Chelsea Maybe
Misstress McCain Hell yeas

cue the johnny bravo oooh momma
 
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