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Old 10-05-2010, 05:30 AM   #1
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Question The one that got away

We all feel time to time that there is that one person that "got away." Whem and who was that person for you? Do you still feel that way now? What about them made you feel that way at the time?
 
Old 10-05-2010, 09:23 AM   #2
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Ah yes..my high school GF. We dated for four years and in many ways she set the bar (in a good way). After we broke up we didn't speak for about 7 or 8 years. Both of us had gotten married (both apparently had crappy marriages too). At one point I received a closure letter from her in the mail (you know the ones they tell you to write but then not mail, she mailed it). It hurt and all, I'd always had doubts about whether breaking up was the right thing to do. Later, when my wife and I split up I had also gotten wind that she and her husband had split up. I made contact with her, not with the intention necessarily of getting back together, but at the very least apologizing for my part in what had happened. We ended up hanging out a bit but ultimately went our own ways. We both got some closure and we're still friends now. I still love her for the part she played in my life but I also recognize that we were right to have split up. I think we're both better off and happier for it.
 
Old 10-06-2010, 05:48 AM   #3
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He was before my first mistake, I mean marriage, he was 5yrs older than me. He begged me not to marry the idiot and I did anyway. After I divorced I looked him up, we hung out for awhile then he told me nothing could ever be between us. He was Catholic and I was divorced, annulment would have been OK, but not divorce. I was damaged goods, he held my heart for quite awhile. I often wondered how my life would have turned out if I wouldn't have married the first time. I have ran into him a few times in the past several years and my thought was.. I'm glad for the time with you, but sure as hell happy I didn't end up with you.
 
Old 10-06-2010, 07:55 PM   #4
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ah yes, carried that torch for twenty years. found her on face book. she still looks great. she got married. she has a kid. so much for that.

why was she the one that got away?
she was damn kinky in bed, told me she loved me, and I believed her. I went to war, she went down on her old boyfriend, he got her back

finally over her in that I know we will NEVER be back together.... but my pulse still quickens when ever I see a sexy red head.
 
Old 10-07-2010, 12:00 PM   #5
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This one is so raw for me I probably shouldnt even post..

But I will summarize:

We met and neither of us were in a place where we should be together, but it was like this force of nature between us. I loved her within weeks of meeting her, and she to me. Being around her was like nothing else in the universe existed, and I LITERALLY had several times when I looked into her eyes, literally the world went away.. everything else went dark, sounds went away and all that existed was her eyes and the incredible sense of connection in them.

I have loved her like no other, and she had my entire heart, mind and soul in her hands within an amazing short period of time.

We shared interests, desires, dreams, fantasies, and seemed to be LITERALLY the perfect woman I have always dreamed about and thought could NEVER exist. I didn't think it was possible that any single human being could match my dreams.. yet she did.

After a couple of months of meeting her I literally had a vision.. I mean swear to GOD VISION.. I saw her walking towards me on our wedding day.. I can describe the entire scene, down to the finest detail as she walked towards me, the sun on her hair on her shoulders. It was a vision for about 10 seconds.. first person, completely consuming. I have never had something like that happen before. Ever.

What happened?

She decided to continue to live a lie than to live a life of self determination. She herself said so.. yet that is what she chose.

Nuff said.

and even writing this, the ache in my chest hurts like I have been kicked by a horse.
 
Old 10-07-2010, 01:08 PM   #6
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^^Oh wow that was beautiful and I'm so sorry.
 
Old 10-07-2010, 01:23 PM   #7
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Originally Posted by MrsD View Post
^^Oh wow that was beautiful and I'm so sorry.
Thanks, and that was the short version. I honestly try not to think about it.. and mostly these days I can do a day or three without doing so, which is better because I couldnt go 10min without thinking about it for about 3 months.

I guess.. well.. *sigh* never mind.. yes.. she is the one the that "got away".

Nuff said.
 
Old 10-07-2010, 05:27 PM   #8
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nope. everthing happens for a reason
 
Old 10-07-2010, 08:13 PM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by raichean View Post
This one is so raw for me I probably shouldnt even post..

But I will summarize:

We met and neither of us were in a place where we should be together, but it was like this force of nature between us. I loved her within weeks of meeting her, and she to me. Being around her was like nothing else in the universe existed, and I LITERALLY had several times when I looked into her eyes, literally the world went away.. everything else went dark, sounds went away and all that existed was her eyes and the incredible sense of connection in them.

I have loved her like no other, and she had my entire heart, mind and soul in her hands within an amazing short period of time.

We shared interests, desires, dreams, fantasies, and seemed to be LITERALLY the perfect woman I have always dreamed about and thought could NEVER exist. I didn't think it was possible that any single human being could match my dreams.. yet she did.

After a couple of months of meeting her I literally had a vision.. I mean swear to GOD VISION.. I saw her walking towards me on our wedding day.. I can describe the entire scene, down to the finest detail as she walked towards me, the sun on her hair on her shoulders. It was a vision for about 10 seconds.. first person, completely consuming. I have never had something like that happen before. Ever.

What happened?

She decided to continue to live a lie than to live a life of self determination. She herself said so.. yet that is what she chose.

Nuff said.

and even writing this, the ache in my chest hurts like I have been kicked by a horse.
Wow, just wow. I really want you to know I never expected ANYONE to ever feel what I just went thru. I fell in love the minute I saw him...eight years later, welll, it's over. Let me give you some advice, some I can't even handle myself. We are better off without them. I am somewhat religious...I am either to be with someone else or alone. It took me while to accept this fact. We can't change others behaviors but how we react to it shows our strenght, weakeness, and courage. I take it as a life lesson.


Quote:
Originally Posted by raichean View Post
Thanks, and that was the short version. I honestly try not to think about it.. and mostly these days I can do a day or three without doing so, which is better because I couldnt go 10min without thinking about it for about 3 months.

I guess.. well.. *sigh* never mind.. yes.. she is the one the that "got away".

Nuff said.
Look at it logically, they didn't get away..YOU got away from someone who couldn't (in the end) care for you. I know it hurts..hopefully it will hurt forever and lay the foundation for future relationships. Life is never perfect..we must discern pain from pleasure and them somehow twist the two together...this makes us who we are. Be strong. She's out there probably desperatly searching for someone like you.
 
Old 10-08-2010, 07:44 AM   #10
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Originally Posted by Bikenut View Post
Wow, just wow. I really want you to know I never expected ANYONE to ever feel what I just went thru. I fell in love the minute I saw him...eight years later, welll, it's over. Let me give you some advice, some I can't even handle myself. We are better off without them. I am somewhat religious...I am either to be with someone else or alone. It took me while to accept this fact. We can't change others behaviors but how we react to it shows our strenght, weakeness, and courage. I take it as a life lesson.




Look at it logically, they didn't get away..YOU got away from someone who couldn't (in the end) care for you. I know it hurts..hopefully it will hurt forever and lay the foundation for future relationships. Life is never perfect..we must discern pain from pleasure and them somehow twist the two together...this makes us who we are. Be strong. She's out there probably desperatly searching for someone like you.

Thanks.. you want to know an honest fear? That a few months from now she will come walking back in..

I honestly don't know if I could handle it. She literally tore my heart out.. she said things you never say to someone unless you mean it, she made promises and shared dreams with me you don't do unless you mean it.

Then she walked away.

If suddenly tomorrow or a week or month from now my phone rang and it was her.. I don't know what would do. My HEAD would know not to trust her or our trust so terribly shattered that I shouldn't. My heart.. my heart.. I don't know if I could control my heart.

So out there looking for someone like me? Maybe.. what she IS doing for sure at least right now is absolutely living a life that is a lie, for her, for everyone around her, and she is treated like a lying, deceitful piece of crap every single day. It kills me to even think about it..

But my only comfort is choice.. is CHOICE. I am all about choice in our lives.. we all make choices and then live with the consequences. She absolutely had (at LEAST) two paths.. BOTH very clearly laid out with the pros and cons of each and she chose.

She chose to go one way, and that wasn't me. But she CHOSE.. and I take comfort in that.

SO yes.. you are absolutely right that ultimately it is for the best.. there was something "wrong" there and her moving on was the right thing, maybe for me, maybe not for her.. who knows. And yes.. the experience is effecting me in how I live and learn and grow, and the ripples will no doubt go on for years.

[edited]

Oh well, there is my story. 8)

Last edited by raichean; 10-09-2010 at 11:22 PM.
 
Old 10-08-2010, 08:25 AM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by raichean View Post
Thanks.. you want to know an honest fear? That a few months from now she will come walking back in..

I honestly don't know if I could handle it. She literally tore my heart out.. she said things you never say to someone unless you mean it, she made promises and shared dreams with me you don't do unless you mean it.

Then she walked away.

If suddenly tomorrow or a week or month from now my phone rang and it was her.. I don't know what would do. My HEAD would know not to trust her or our trust so terribly shattered that I shouldn't. My heart.. my heart.. I don't know if I could control my heart.

So out there looking for someone like me? Maybe.. what she IS doing for sure at least right now is absolutely living a life that is a lie, for her, for everyone around her, and she is treated like a lying, deceitful piece of crap every single day. It kills me to even think about it..

But my only comfort is choice.. is CHOICE. I am all about choice in our lives.. we all make choices and then live with the consequences. She absolutely had (at LEAST) two paths.. BOTH very clearly laid out with the pros and cons of each and she chose.

She chose to go one way, and that wasn't me. But she CHOSE.. and I take comfort in that.

SO yes.. you are absolutely right that ultimately it is for the best.. there was something "wrong" there and her moving on was the right thing, maybe for me, maybe not for her.. who knows. And yes.. the experience is effecting me in how I live and learn and grow, and the ripples will no doubt go on for years.

Oddly enough.. I am now dating a distant friend of hers that actually helped me not only WITH her when we dated.. but now to get over her. *laugh* Life is an odd thing.. 8)

Oh well, there is my story. 8)
Dude, your freaking me out I'm sure MrsD could explain this better than me...my ex left me two times before and lo and behold I took him back every time. I'm not scared he will call me again, I'm mortified. Every fiber in my body says either don't answer or answer and tell him to fuck off. Realistically I don't know what I'll do if I ever seen that number come up..I just hope it doesn't. I hope he knows the depth of destruction he did to me and stays away. I really think he will.

Since we are getting up close and personal, this is exactly why I won't get involved with someone for quite some time. It's not because I'm still licking my wounds, I don't want to subconciously be with someone as a security factor to prevent me from ever being involved with him again. Yes, I don't trust myself that much.
 
Old 10-08-2010, 11:41 AM   #12
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Originally Posted by Bikenut View Post
Dude, your freaking me out I'm sure MrsD could explain this better than me...my ex left me two times before and lo and behold I took him back every time. I'm not scared he will call me again, I'm mortified. Every fiber in my body says either don't answer or answer and tell him to fuck off. Realistically I don't know what I'll do if I ever seen that number come up..I just hope it doesn't. I hope he knows the depth of destruction he did to me and stays away. I really think he will.

Since we are getting up close and personal, this is exactly why I won't get involved with someone for quite some time. It's not because I'm still licking my wounds, I don't want to subconciously be with someone as a security factor to prevent me from ever being involved with him again. Yes, I don't trust myself that much.
Change your number. 8)
 
Old 10-08-2010, 11:43 AM   #13
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Originally Posted by Rockerchic View Post
nope. everthing happens for a reason
Let's hope.. I am sure trying to believe that and some days are harder than others.
8)


(snip) edited. leaving only relevant comments to this thread.

Last edited by raichean; 10-09-2010 at 11:22 PM.
 
Old 10-09-2010, 11:21 PM   #14
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You know what?

What a fun evening.. turns out my "one that got away" I find out tonight lied to me on so many levels I cannot even begin to express it.

No.. she isn't the one that got away. I should be thankful that I got away from HER.
 
Old 10-10-2010, 04:20 AM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bikenut;26263[B
]Dude, your freaking me out I'm sure MrsD could explain this better than me...[/B]my ex left me two times before and lo and behold I took him back every time. I'm not scared he will call me again, I'm mortified. Every fiber in my body says either don't answer or answer and tell him to fuck off. Realistically I don't know what I'll do if I ever seen that number come up..I just hope it doesn't. I hope he knows the depth of destruction he did to me and stays away. I really think he will.

Since we are getting up close and personal, this is exactly why I won't get involved with someone for quite some time. It's not because I'm still licking my wounds, I don't want to subconciously be with someone as a security factor to prevent me from ever being involved with him again. Yes, I don't trust myself that much.
Kind of like the Twilight Zone..repeat after me.. hes a lying douchebag, he broke my heart. Nothing he did reflects on who I am and I will not give him the satisfaction of hearing my voice.
 
Old 10-10-2010, 08:43 AM   #16
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Originally Posted by MrsD View Post
Kind of like the Twilight Zone..repeat after me.. hes a lying douchebag, he broke my heart. Nothing he did reflects on who I am and I will not give him the satisfaction of hearing my voice.
EXACTLY. ABSOLUTELY RIGHT.

If we are drawing analogies between my situation and yours, then he is a lying douchebag that lied over and over and over again, and never deserved even a second look in the first place let alone love and feelings and concern.

EVER.

Get away. Stay away. BE GLAD THEY ARE GONE.
 
Old 10-12-2010, 12:23 PM   #17
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Originally Posted by raichean View Post
Change your number. 8)
*cough* I won't change shit for any man. I'm not going to reconstruct my life because I made a bad decision or because he is stupid. I'll change my number the day I change my address. I'd rather burn the house down and throw the cell out the window.
 
Old 10-13-2010, 09:48 AM   #18
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Originally Posted by Bikenut View Post
*cough* I won't change shit for any man. I'm not going to reconstruct my life because I made a bad decision or because he is stupid. I'll change my number the day I change my address. I'd rather burn the house down and throw the cell out the window.
I can understand that.. just saying if you really wanted to remove their ability to reach out to you, that would be the way. 8)

For me? After the revelations regarding MY "one that got away"? Uh yeah.. she can call me if she wants but I don't promise she will like what she hears back from me. I PROMISE you that!

My fear of my own weakness of taking her back.. GONE.
 
Old 10-13-2010, 11:24 AM   #19
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I have a similar story, from ~15 years ago.

Met her at a show. Smart, gorgeous, eyes you could get lost in for days, good taste in music, and a body most men could only dream of. Instant chemistry (or so I thought). We got close really quickly--went everywhere together, celebrated birthdays together, etc. I was completely twitterpated, but she was more interested in being friends. Every so often, she'd go dark for a few months then call me up, all smiles and excitement, when whatever guy she'd been seeing left the picture.

After three or four of these, I realized she wasn't going to change. No matter how much I wanted her, it wasn't mutual. I wasn't interested in being her consolation prize. The roller coaster ride had to stop. Right about then she met yet another guy, got married, moved away and had a child.

Flash forward three years, and my phone lights up again. It's her. She's divorced, back in town and wants to catch up. I met her for breakfast, and over eggs, coffee and juice she dropped the bomb: "Through all of my trials, there's been one person who's been in my corner, supportive, and always there for me, and it's <CForce>. Maybe we really were meant to be together after all". I'd wanted her for years, and I finally had a shot.

I felt seven feet tall walking out of the restaurant having told her "It's really nice to hear you say that, but I'm sorry: You had your chance, but it's passed. I've moved on."

Saw a picture of her the other day and the old feelings cropped up for a brief moment. I thought "It's a shame we never got together", for a fraction of a second. But in the end, I made the right decision--better late than never.
 
Old 10-13-2010, 11:45 AM   #20
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CForce View Post
I have a similar story, from ~15 years ago.

Met her at a show. Smart, gorgeous, eyes you could get lost in for days, good taste in music, and a body most men could only dream of. Instant chemistry (or so I thought). We got close really quickly--went everywhere together, celebrated birthdays together, etc. I was completely twitterpated, but she was more interested in being friends. Every so often, she'd go dark for a few months then call me up, all smiles and excitement, when whatever guy she'd been seeing left the picture.

After three or four of these, I realized she wasn't going to change. No matter how much I wanted her, it wasn't mutual. I wasn't interested in being her consolation prize. The roller coaster ride had to stop. Right about then she met yet another guy, got married, moved away and had a child.

Flash forward three years, and my phone lights up again. It's her. She's divorced, back in town and wants to catch up. I met her for breakfast, and over eggs, coffee and juice she dropped the bomb: "Through all of my trials, there's been one person who's been in my corner, supportive, and always there for me, and it's <CForce>. Maybe we really were meant to be together after all". I'd wanted her for years, and I finally had a shot.

I felt seven feet tall walking out of the restaurant having told her "It's really nice to hear you say that, but I'm sorry: You had your chance, but it's passed. I've moved on."

Saw a picture of her the other day and the old feelings cropped up for a brief moment. I thought "It's a shame we never got together", for a fraction of a second. But in the end, I made the right decision--better late than never.
GOOD FOR YOU!!! Well done!!!
 
Old 10-13-2010, 12:52 PM   #21
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CForce View Post
I have a similar story, from ~15 years ago.

Met her at a show. Smart, gorgeous, eyes you could get lost in for days, good taste in music, and a body most men could only dream of. Instant chemistry (or so I thought). We got close really quickly--went everywhere together, celebrated birthdays together, etc. I was completely twitterpated, but she was more interested in being friends. Every so often, she'd go dark for a few months then call me up, all smiles and excitement, when whatever guy she'd been seeing left the picture.

After three or four of these, I realized she wasn't going to change. No matter how much I wanted her, it wasn't mutual. I wasn't interested in being her consolation prize. The roller coaster ride had to stop. Right about then she met yet another guy, got married, moved away and had a child.

Flash forward three years, and my phone lights up again. It's her. She's divorced, back in town and wants to catch up. I met her for breakfast, and over eggs, coffee and juice she dropped the bomb: "Through all of my trials, there's been one person who's been in my corner, supportive, and always there for me, and it's <CForce>. Maybe we really were meant to be together after all". I'd wanted her for years, and I finally had a shot.

I felt seven feet tall walking out of the restaurant having told her "It's really nice to hear you say that, but I'm sorry: You had your chance, but it's passed. I've moved on."

Saw a picture of her the other day and the old feelings cropped up for a brief moment. I thought "It's a shame we never got together", for a fraction of a second. But in the end, I made the right decision--better late than never.
Tears of pride my friend. That took more courage than most people will ever know. She was right the one who's always been there was you and you took care of you.......Ummm do you give lessons.
 
Old 10-13-2010, 04:27 PM   #22
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CForce View Post
I have a similar story, from ~15 years ago.

Met her at a show. Smart, gorgeous, eyes you could get lost in for days, good taste in music, and a body most men could only dream of. Instant chemistry (or so I thought). We got close really quickly--went everywhere together, celebrated birthdays together, etc. I was completely twitterpated, but she was more interested in being friends. Every so often, she'd go dark for a few months then call me up, all smiles and excitement, when whatever guy she'd been seeing left the picture.

After three or four of these, I realized she wasn't going to change. No matter how much I wanted her, it wasn't mutual. I wasn't interested in being her consolation prize. The roller coaster ride had to stop. Right about then she met yet another guy, got married, moved away and had a child.

Flash forward three years, and my phone lights up again. It's her. She's divorced, back in town and wants to catch up. I met her for breakfast, and over eggs, coffee and juice she dropped the bomb: "Through all of my trials, there's been one person who's been in my corner, supportive, and always there for me, and it's <CForce>. Maybe we really were meant to be together after all". I'd wanted her for years, and I finally had a shot.

I felt seven feet tall walking out of the restaurant having told her "It's really nice to hear you say that, but I'm sorry: You had your chance, but it's passed. I've moved on."

Saw a picture of her the other day and the old feelings cropped up for a brief moment. I thought "It's a shame we never got together", for a fraction of a second. But in the end, I made the right decision--better late than never.
CF, you really made me see things in a completly different light. I think I had a tough time getting over him because I was trying to 'shut the emotion off'..I tend to be pretty harsh on myself. I felt weak because I allowed someone to hurt me so thorougly. I thought about that this morning too..it's ok if I have some weak moments. I am a person and an 8 year relationship takes more than a few weeks to get over. I am actually becoming more forgiving of myself. You made me realize I will probably ALWAYS feel a little tinge of remorse if I ever run across any pictures or visit a place we had gone to before, and that's ok. I need to stop acting like it never happened and just accept it more easily. Great words, as usual
 
Old 10-14-2010, 10:39 AM   #23
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Thanks, all. And BN, I'm glad it helped =).
 
Old 10-14-2010, 10:45 PM   #24
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I just gotta say it sober as a judge...from the bottom of my heart..you are so Gleno. I hope you realize the impact you have on people. He never realized it either.
 
Old 10-15-2010, 04:00 PM   #25
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I wish I'd met him. Everyone I've met who knew him loved him and said he really made a difference in their lives. I'm touched by the comparison.
 
Old 10-28-2010, 12:03 PM   #26
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What a great thread!

Umm I'm not sure that I have a "the one that got away". I felt like that...maybe... up until I had the chance to "be" with that person again one last time and thought I was going to throw up on myself, and in that moment I realized that what had happened had happened for a reason.

I am happy to say that all of my past relationships are good being what they are...past. I am so thankful for the path they lead me on to get me to where I am today, but I don't want any of them again, thank goodness!!!
 
Old 11-11-2010, 08:25 PM   #27
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"Ya nodymala o tebya, Ya He zabiyvau tebya, eto nashu cydbe, ne coobwutb zlo o menya, bilo mnogo, bilo jyzne, ckopo ewe paz.

Just found this note after 20 years. (of course it was in cyrrillic) Fuck that girl still gets me. It was her good bye note

I will think of you often, I will never forget us, it is only our fate today, don't think ill of our separation, we shared too much, we had our life, soon it will be ever as it was.

God DAMNIT
 
Old 11-12-2010, 03:54 AM   #28
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^^sometimes it sucks having a heart.
 
Old 11-12-2010, 10:05 AM   #29
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I need a long string of Ukrainian girls to help me forget. Preferrably non red heads, but they do seem to be my penultimate weakness.
 
Old 11-12-2010, 12:03 PM   #30
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^^I wish for you Blonde's and Brunettes one for every time your heart aches.
 
Old 11-12-2010, 03:27 PM   #31
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Originally Posted by TeashaMae View Post
What a great thread!

Umm I'm not sure that I have a "the one that got away". I felt like that...maybe... up until I had the chance to "be" with that person again one last time and thought I was going to throw up on myself, and in that moment I realized that what had happened had happened for a reason.

I am happy to say that all of my past relationships are good being what they are...past. I am so thankful for the path they lead me on to get me to where I am today, but I don't want any of them again, thank goodness!!!
I love how you have so much introspect into your life. This is what will lead and guide you. In other words when you finally come to the point of puking on what you onced loved, you have progressed. I hope you're doing well.
 
Old 07-16-2012, 09:20 AM   #32
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I'm a Female
Living in DAKAR

HELLO MY DEAR
MAY the peace of the lord be with you and your household,
My name is Miss Suzan Deng, nice to meet you, how are you and everything around you,i hope all is well,if so thanks be to God,my dear i saw your profile and became interested in you,l will also like us to start a friendship that can lead to something intimate,and please l want you to send an email to email address so l can give you my pictures for you to know whom l am.
Here is my email address (suzandeng86@yahoo.com)
I believe we can move from here! I am waiting for your mail to my email.
Miss Suzan.
(Remember the distance or colour does not matter but love matters alot in life) please i want you to contact me on my email address(suzandeng86@yahoo.com)
 
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