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Old 10-10-2009, 05:55 AM   #1
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Question Dirty little secret

Ok not really but I had to get you to click somehow.

Everyone has mistakes and things in their previous history that are embarassing or unpleasant. When do you tell/ discuss those items with your partner/SO/whatever you want to call them? Do you tell them at all or do you only share certain information with them? Please discuss.....


Since I asked the question, I'll answer first. I'm one of those people that tend to keep things to myself especially if it's embarassing in nature. I only bring up past items if it is impacting my relationship (i.e. I'm acting a certain way and I kinda need to explain why) and then I tend to keep the details to a bare minimum. This generally ends up back firing on me but I hate giving info out that can be spread to people that I don't want knowing after a bad breakup.
 
Old 10-10-2009, 07:49 AM   #2
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I have been with my husband for 33yrs all together and he still doesn't know everything. Some things he never will its the past and that's where its going to stay. However like you in certain situations like my daughters divorce in progress it has brought up a lot of bad memories and issues for me. So I felt I owed him an explanation for my behavior. Other things I don't remember until something specific triggers that memory then I'll say did I ever tell you about the time I.........So I guess my answer is ifs its something that needs to be out in the open to make a healthy relationship then tell what you need to. Otherwise its your story and you don't have to share every chapter. That's what the Love Boats for
 
Old 10-10-2009, 06:55 PM   #3
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I used to be very open about....most things. There's still a few things I can't really talk to anyone about.

Recent experience, however, has led me to play a lot of things much closer to the vest these days.
 
Old 10-11-2009, 07:41 PM   #4
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I really don't feel that a S/O needs to know certain things about your past unless it impacts the current relationship. Everyone has things in their past that they are not proud of. Why should a person have to bring it up time after time, in each relationship? I personally don't want to know everything from my S/O's past. Share the fun things with me.. share times that were troubling.. but if you have something from your past that you want to keep there - in your past - then by all means, please do so.
 
Old 10-12-2009, 05:49 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Washingtonblonde View Post
I really don't feel that a S/O needs to know certain things about your past unless it impacts the current relationship. Everyone has things in their past that they are not proud of. Why should a person have to bring it up time after time, in each relationship? I personally don't want to know everything from my S/O's past. Share the fun things with me.. share times that were troubling.. but if you have something from your past that you want to keep there - in your past - then by all means, please do so.


I respectfully disagree... cuz they usually come out sooner or later anyway. then it makes the other person wonder what else youve been hiding.
Honesty is the best policy.
 
Old 10-12-2009, 07:48 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Panther View Post
I respectfully disagree... cuz they usually come out sooner or later anyway. then it makes the other person wonder what else youve been hiding.
Honesty is the best policy.
This=true in a lot of cases.
 
Old 10-21-2009, 01:03 PM   #7
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I agree with WB and Panther's "Honesty is the best policy" at the same time... I respectfully don't dish out embarrassing/unpleasant details to my wife about my past. However, if she asks about my past I give her an honest answer. Most topics are fine to be open about, but if she doesn't ask or doesn't want to go there, I usually don't volunteer a bunch of information that would most likely not do any good for anyone. I guess maybe my difference is that I don't have many "dirty little secrets" to discuss in the first place. She has told me it makes her not feel good and even jealous if I were to talk about a past gf... even to this day after 8 (almost 9) years of marriage, so I usually don't. I don't ask her about her past bf's either, but I tease her quite a bit once I get a little dirt (as you can prolly imagine). At this point, no matter what she says, it doesn't matter to me anyway... I'm gonna keep her.

My policy is don't ask questions that you don't want the answer to.
 
Old 10-22-2009, 07:46 AM   #8
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I can't believe no one has brought up the trust issue. I don't share alot of information...mostly because it's irrelvant. Know me now for who I am, not where I've been. I typically don't share cuz I don't trust. Now your ex has this piece of information about you that you can't get back, I've been in that boat and don't care to float down that river ever again. If someone asks about something I respectfully decline to answer and try to find out why the stupid question came up in the first place. I''m with WB, share happy shit not morbid details about your past. That said I do totally understand why some people need to know, it covers the bases...'what you never told me you did prison time'....you never asked kind of bullshit.
 
Old 10-23-2009, 07:51 PM   #9
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The past is the past. You want full disclosure? I will write a book in twenty years, until then, ya gets what I tell ya.
 
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