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Old 12-02-2008, 03:23 PM   #1
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Question Would you do it over again?

So I'm chatting with a friend, and we're talking about failed relationships, and how my last "long term" was a huge fail. Only in the sense that he turned out to be a huge tool and well I deserve better than that.

Got me thinking though, I learned a lot from that relationship. Motorcycles, bartending and then all the emotional stuff that you learn about yourself, what you're williing to put up with and what you're not.

Would I do that all over again? Even after all the pain it caused? Of all the things I got out of it, I would certainly do it again, I think I came out of it a better person going in.

Would you do it over again?
 
Old 12-02-2008, 03:25 PM   #2
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YES!! Most definately.. It's all part of growing. And for me.. I got two BEAUTIFUL daughters from it.. so NO WAY would I ever take it back!
 
Old 12-02-2008, 03:29 PM   #3
Sleepnowinthefire
 
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The way I feel 2day that's a big F*CK no! 2mrrw I may change my mind, but she better be wearing a cape and leap tall buildings with a single bound.
 
Old 12-02-2008, 03:46 PM   #4
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I would definitely do it all over again... and probably do it pretty much the same. We all have experienced horrible relationships but we do grow from them and learn something. If that something be finding a new hobby for yourself or realizing you will never put up with 'that' again. Or in other cases (WB) you get even better unconditional love that will stay with you forever.

I think for me this is part of excepting what I have chosen in life and have decided not to live in regret. I am sure I could have done a ton of things different and better. But it is what it is and that is what I have to work with now. Plus who is to say it would turn out better if you did do it different?

I think that is all I got for this afternoon ...
 
Old 12-02-2008, 03:48 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sittin Pretty View Post
I would definitely do it all over again... and probably do it pretty much the same. We all have experienced horrible relationships but we do grow from them and learn something. If that something be finding a new hobby for yourself or realizing you will never put up with 'that' again. Or in other cases (WB) you get even better unconditional love that will stay with you forever.

I think for me this is part of excepting what I have chosen in life and have decided not to live in regret. I am sure I could have done a ton of things different and better. But it is what it is and that is what I have to work with now. Plus who is to say it would turn out better if you did do it different?

I think that is all I got for this afternoon ...
Well said!!
 
Old 12-02-2008, 03:56 PM   #6
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Yeah I would. Breakups fucking hurt but everything happens for a reason. I've grown a lot from them and I'm greatful for that.
 
Old 12-02-2008, 08:38 PM   #7
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yup, it makes up who I am...and I like me.
 
Old 12-02-2008, 09:01 PM   #8
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I'd do it over again, even if nothing changed.
 
Old 12-02-2008, 10:03 PM   #9
pees standing up
 
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Depends on the terms of the break-up. Whether it was something about the chemistry between you two, physical boundries such as distance, different places at different times, infidelity, or just a bad relationship altogether makes a huge difference in whether I'd consider being with someone again.

Remaining friends with my ex is pretty important to me. It reminds me why we aren't together, if it was a bad relationship, whereas if we didn't talk I might easily fall into the "Well, maybe he's the best I can do..." thought process and end up making myself miserable all over again.
 
Old 12-03-2008, 08:59 AM   #10
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You could really pose this question for any choice you made in your past. If I could do it all over again, would I change anything....its hard to say that I wouldn't, I made some really stupid decisions. However I do believe and hold to the hope that everything happens for a reason. So today I do not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. I can embrace the decisions and choices no matter how good or bad they were, because they have made me who I am today. If I am not happy with who I am today, I have been given the ability to learn from my past and grow or change, not making the same mistakes over and over again. My life is far from perfect, but I am greatful for what I do have....a beautiful wife, a healthy son, and the emptiness (that black hole in the center of me) that I lived with for most of my life is gone. Would I do it all over again.....YES.
 
Old 12-03-2008, 10:30 AM   #11
M0DERAT0R
 
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I think it was worth it for what I learned.
 
Old 12-06-2008, 01:23 PM   #12
*vibrantly vivacious*
 
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yes....because he's still my best friend.
 
Old 12-06-2008, 06:22 PM   #13
Litte Mary Sunshine
 
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seems pretty unanimous. We wouldn't be where we are without going down the paths we've walked.
 
Old 12-06-2008, 08:02 PM   #14
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Yes do it again and again because it does make us who we are today and if you do not like who you are then you may want to do it again just to learn who you are and actually gain something diffrent to come out liking who you are!

I feel wierd tonight!! SO I hope you get that!
 
Old 12-07-2008, 12:42 PM   #15
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I figured the response would be pretty unanimous...but you never know. Thanks all for sharing.

I wouldn't take back any part of my life, makes me who I am...and that's a pretty awesome person.
 
Old 12-07-2008, 06:23 PM   #16
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You have no idea how many times I have asked myself that very question this past year. I have come to the conclusion that it depends on the relationship. However, I have only ever been in one relationship and my answer to doing it over with him is...no way in hell.

Did I learn something from being with him? hmmmmmm.......i learned how to not trust. I learned that no one is what they seem. I learned that no matter how hard you try you can't save someone who does not want to be saved. I learned everything comes with a price. I learned that I am not good enough. And yet in spite of what I have learned I would give anything to turn back time and not have to live through the lies, drugs, pain and his suicide.....

And I think my Princess Sarah would have preferred I did not go through it since she was the one that had to slowly put me back together earlier this year when my world fell apart. Don't know what I would ever do without her.
 
Old 12-08-2008, 07:29 PM   #17
Litte Mary Sunshine
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Miss Annette View Post
You have no idea how many times I have asked myself that very question this past year. I have come to the conclusion that it depends on the relationship. However, I have only ever been in one relationship and my answer to doing it over with him is...no way in hell.

Did I learn something from being with him? hmmmmmm.......i learned how to not trust. I learned that no one is what they seem. I learned that no matter how hard you try you can't save someone who does not want to be saved. I learned everything comes with a price. I learned that I am not good enough. And yet in spite of what I have learned I would give anything to turn back time and not have to live through the lies, drugs, pain and his suicide.....

And I think my Princess Sarah would have preferred I did not go through it since she was the one that had to slowly put me back together earlier this year when my world fell apart. Don't know what I would ever do without her.
Think of it this way. You didn't learn to not trust. You learned to be more careful on who you let in your life. You learned not to sacrifice yourself for someone who doesn't want help. Now what you need to learn is it wasn't your fault. You also learned that you have a pretty stupendous friend who will stick with you thick or thin. In my eyes, some pretty good stuff came out of a horrible thing. Suicide is one of the most horrific legacies you can leave someone with. It is one of the truest test of forgivness and understanding.
 
Old 12-08-2008, 09:55 PM   #18
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I actually had a dream a couple months ago where I was reliving my past, starting from around junior high. Only dream I've ever had like that. Anyway, when it came to my high school boyfriend (we dated for almost 5 years), I didn't want to date him, and I was doing everything I could to avoid it. However, I knew that I had to, in order to be where I am today, so I reluctantly did everything just as I had in the past.

So yes, I'd do it again if it came to that.
 
Old 12-08-2008, 10:24 PM   #19
oK, fine, its COUGAR :P
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Miss Annette View Post
You have no idea how many times I have asked myself that very question this past year. I have come to the conclusion that it depends on the relationship. However, I have only ever been in one relationship and my answer to doing it over with him is...no way in hell.

Did I learn something from being with him? hmmmmmm.......i learned how to not trust. I learned that no one is what they seem. I learned that no matter how hard you try you can't save someone who does not want to be saved. I learned everything comes with a price. I learned that I am not good enough. And yet in spite of what I have learned I would give anything to turn back time and not have to live through the lies, drugs, pain and his suicide.....

And I think my Princess Sarah would have preferred I did not go through it since she was the one that had to slowly put me back together earlier this year when my world fell apart. Don't know what I would ever do without her.


Annette, Im struggling with something similiar. My ex was suicidal, clinical depression involved. Ive chosen to forgive him, he didnt choose to get sick. Im also learning to deal with my own guilt, feeling like I shoulda been able to help. But its making me stronger and Im learning alot about myself in the process.
Yes, I would do it all again.
 
Old 12-09-2008, 08:33 AM   #20
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I love all the sharing that is going on.... I hope it is really helping some of us realize there are parts of our lives we haven't always been the proudest of but we do have people around us that will constantly remind us that we are worth while good people. All our experiences shape us, teach us what we want or don't want and most importantly how to forgive and move on (not saying that is easy).
I just want to say thanks... great community here!

Annette - I have to say from what little I know of about you, you are a beautiful gracious person and I am glad to have been touched by your words and experiences. I think you know you are a better person for having the people in your life that you have had... most of all your princess.
 
Old 12-09-2008, 08:57 AM   #21
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sittin Pretty View Post
Annette - I have to say from what little I know of about you, you are a beautiful gracious person and I am glad to have been touched by your words and experiences. I think you know you are a better person for having the people in your life that you have had... most of all your princess.
I go through different stages. Earlier this year when he killed himself I was glad I had the chance to know him because he really did have some good qualities and in the end we had become good friends in spite of everything he put me through. HOWEVER, there are days when what he did to me causes a ripple effect and I get so pissed off because he is not even here to yell at. I will have to live with what he did to me for the rest of my life. And recently I had to live with the ripple effect of his actions four years ago and I have just been so pissed and hurt at him and what he did to me.

I am now and I always will be forever grateful that god loved me enough to bring my Princess Sarah into my life. I can't imagine what I would do without her - she is one of the most amazing beautiful individuals I have ever met. I cannot envision a world without her in it and I pray that I never have to live in one. I love you Sarah!

Last edited by Miss Annette; 12-09-2008 at 09:06 AM.
 
Old 12-09-2008, 01:54 PM   #22
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Only one...for only one would I do it all over again. The others, while I did grow out of those relationships...no way.
 
Old 08-13-2009, 01:40 PM   #23
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I am the same person, at those points in my life, I would probably repeat myself again, now if I had knowledge of where things went and how they didnt.... probably not. I never was good at keeping up with ex's once they became ex's cuz whats the point?
So two I would repeat, and probably make the same choices that killed the relationships
Two I would avoid all together, and never even start to date them
And countless more that I never dated but wondered about, well I would have tried for more than friends/associates/ coworkers etc
 
Old 08-13-2009, 02:01 PM   #24
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I wouldn't change a thing... I have met some great gals along my journey and learned some about myself as well as what seems to matter most to me in someone else. I'm just glad I found who I was looking for at the right time. No matter what else happens in life, I'm always greatful for that every day. Now I just pray that it lasts as long as it possibly can.
 
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