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Old 09-15-2009, 05:13 PM   #1
hopeless romantic
 
Capt No Gravy's Avatar
 
I'm a Dude
Living in Burien

taking it slow?

seriously? Or is this code for "not interested", I can understand taking it slow and the reasons behind it if in fact those are the intentions but slow to the extent that im ready to move on? So slow in fact that its not even considered dating? I get a call daily, even twice sometimes...it seems that there is an interest but nothing more. Anyone have any experience with this? maybe from a female point of view?
 
Old 09-15-2009, 06:19 PM   #2
miss-communicator
 
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I'm a Female
Living in spokane

Oh NO!
Well, lemme tell ya my little story...I was dating the guy for 1year, under the same roof for about 6 months. I come home one day and am told that we "need to slow it down". WTF?? ARE YOU F'N SERIOUS?? The words "I love you" have NOT been uttered (ever), I haven't been offered a drawer, I didn't ask for a f'n ring...SLOW IT DOWN???WTF does that mean?? It means I'm packing my shit and heading for the door and in a few days, DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES TELL ME HOW YOU GOOFED UP. Then just make sure you stick to your guns...


but then again, maybe i should ask how long its been ...whoops, now that you have my .02
 
Old 09-15-2009, 06:47 PM   #3
PNW Love Member
 
I'm a Dude
Living in somewhere

Means find someone else..... She has you intentions somewhere else and thats her way of breaking the attachment thats already there... Saying "taking it slow" will give the room/space needed to do whatever is up her mind....


OR......

She really is messed up in the head and rethinking what she wants in life
 
Old 09-15-2009, 07:11 PM   #4
hopeless romantic
 
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I'm a Dude
Living in Burien

Geez....it hasnt been that long....a month maybe, usually I can tell out of the gate but either my judgement is clouded on this one or the mixed signals are confusing the crap out of me? She has the stereotypical douche stories so ive been careful but its to the point where I want to poke my eyes out! I have known her for a long time...mostly her family so I was hopeful but I think its a worthless venture....
 
Old 09-15-2009, 07:20 PM   #5
miss-communicator
 
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I'm a Female
Living in spokane

worthless venture. Means she's hanging with you cuz the family likes you, but "shes really just not that into you" (and there is a post for other tell tail signs if need be) haha!

I mean, Im sorry and all, but don't waste your time
 
Old 09-15-2009, 07:27 PM   #6
hopeless romantic
 
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I'm a Dude
Living in Burien

thank you....thats how I feel to, im just wasting my time....she just texted again, "whats up", it basicly almost makes me kinda mad, I feel like im being led on or strung along... not so happy panda...does dating and or finding someone really have to be this darn difficult?
 
Old 09-15-2009, 07:32 PM   #7
Rezident Cynik
 
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I'm a Gentleman
Living in Various Locations in WA
Humor is Dry/Sarcastic

Quote:
Originally Posted by Capt No Gravy View Post
She has the stereotypical douche stories so ive been careful but its to the point where I want to poke my eyes out!
Hahahaha!

Sorry mate. I feel for you, really. I have a couple reasons - and one specific one, in particular - that I would tell you it's time to run.

Now, cynic though I may be, I have to tell you, my last serious one had stories about the douches she dated before. I tried my damnedest to make things right for her, be THAT guy who wouldn't give up on her, would always be there for her...she treated me like a doormat. I was the cause of all the problems in the relationship. I was miserable, though I didn't realize how much til the end. And when it was all over, things got even uglier. I won't go into details, but it involved a bunch of legal BS that I only dealt with by having a lot of help from a lot of people who really know and care for me.

So, though I don't have all the facts, just let me say, if most the guys who came before you were a bunch of douchebags, odds are, in the end, you're just gonna end up being another douchebag to her. She'll be telling the next guy about all the fucked up things you did to her.

So yeah, slow it down. Slow it down so much that you have some time to sit back and look at your situation objectively, and ask yourself about who you really are, who she really is, and if that really goes together.

Whatever you do, don't try and be noble. Don't put her needs completely before yours. That'll only get you screwed.
 
Old 09-15-2009, 10:45 PM   #8
PNW Love Freshman
 
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I'm a Guy
Living in Spokane

I "took it slow" with a girl last year.

Her ex of 3 years had cheated on her so she wasn't sure she was ready. We took it super slow, but went on dates, hung out all the time, we were going out, no question about it. Hell she even made me homecooked ribs, pork AND beef!!

a month in I ask her where we're at, get the idk, I'm just not ready....I ask what we should be doing, and she says "I like hanging out with you, but as friends"

3 weeks later she's dating some fuck from her hometown.



fuck taking it slow, gives women more of a chance to use you and toss you away


Oh PS: This happened TWICE last year. Over a month dating "taking it slow" goes no where...and they both end up dating someone else no more than a few weeks after we break up. I've learned my lesson

Last edited by Avboden; 09-15-2009 at 10:47 PM.
 
Old 09-16-2009, 03:14 AM   #9
Married and then some.
 
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Wow, things have changed in the dating world. When I told Duane I wanted to take it slow, it meant give me time to learn to trust you. I had just gotten out of an abusive marriage and hated men at the time. I must say he was a perfect gentleman for about 3 months, then I totally freaked him out. (another story the man should have ran but thank god he didn't) When I didn't want to see someone anymore I would tell them no thank you when they asked me out. If I was with someone for awhile and it wasn't my cup of tea I would tell them so. Whats with all the BS your either interested or your not. You don't keep someones heart in your hand just to toss it out if something better comes along. Your either in the game or your not and most people know within a short amount of time if its something there willing to invest some time in.
 
Old 09-16-2009, 07:52 AM   #10
hopeless romantic
 
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I'm a Dude
Living in Burien

Thanks guys...
 
Old 09-16-2009, 08:31 AM   #11
~Messy Baby~
 
TeashaMae's Avatar
 
I'm a Chicky-poo
Living in my own reality....

Yeah...I don't know if I think the whole "taking it slow" is as much of a blow off as some have made it seem. Though, as I see, you've all had bad experiences with it.

Some people just get freaked out and don't want to make the same mistakes. I would just *gasp* talk to her and ask her where her head is. Find out if she thinks it might go some place, or if she's just not feeling it. Not sure why people don't just talk to one another these days *shakes head*....I don't know, just my opinion, I know that if I were to start dating, I would want to take it slow and not jump into anything, and you guys have only been hanging out for a month right? That doesn't seem like that long to me...IDK, maybe I'm totally off, but I'm just thinking from my point of view if I wanted to take things slow.
 
Old 09-16-2009, 11:56 AM   #12
Sarah's little mermaid
 
Miss Annette's Avatar
 
I'm a Lady
Living in Renton, WA
Humor is Dry/Sarcastic
Have a Classic fashion style

So here is my story.......

I met this guy online and we started talking via IM and email. We talked every night. I LOVED it. I always looked forward to my conversations with him at the end of the day. We talked about everything including what turns him off with women, his family, his goals.....EVERYTHING. Well, he kept wanting to talk on the phone or meet and go on a date. I told him that I wanted to take things slow and get to know him. He said he understood and just continued to IM me online. Finally after a few weeks of this he said:

"Remember when you asked me what turns me off with women? Well, this is one of them."

So I finally went on a date with him since he told me it was either give him a chance or forget it. We have been together since that night and I could not be happier. I am not saying the same thing will happen with you. I realize your situation is different. BUT maybe if she realizes it is either give you a chance or give you up for good, she will move to take step. All I can say is if it is meant to be then it will happen whether its this month or 5 months down the road.....but that doesnt mean that you should sit around waiting for her to be ready to take a chance on you. Be very clear with her and let her know that if she doesnt want to date, fine, but you will be dating other women and she cant expect you to sit around waiting for her to realize what a great guy you are (assuming you are a great guy - I dont think we've ever met). lol.
 
Old 09-16-2009, 01:27 PM   #13
miss-communicator
 
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I'm a Female
Living in spokane

i have to agree with miss annette...yup.
 
Old 09-16-2009, 04:36 PM   #14
hopeless romantic
 
Capt No Gravy's Avatar
 
I'm a Dude
Living in Burien

well we havnt really been on any dates....but I have spent the nite a couple times, (no funny business) completely respectful. We have spent some time but it seems to either have slowed down or just stop. I had a conversation with her last nite and wasnt real sure how the results were going to end up and well she still called today and we chit chatted for about an hour. I did go on an outing with a friend (girl) last week on the bike because I wanted to do something and she got extremely jealous. I dont get it, she seems interested, she gets jealous if I am with someone else, she calls daily and texts almost predictably yet thats it. I invited her out to dinner, lunch, the puyallup fair and I think a movie all spaced out of course and nope. I am interested, shes a good mom, she is responsible, but this slow thing is frickin killin me, like #$%@ or get off the pot. I dont get it. I may not be a great guy, who knows, I think im a seven across the board but what do I know. I too have had the take it slow scenario and we took it slow to the extent that she met a guy and had a baby! Now I think its time for the vent thread?
 
Old 09-16-2009, 05:57 PM   #15
Married and then some.
 
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I'm a Female
Living in Crazytown
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Humor is Goofy
Have a Unique fashion style

Shes a Mom, well then.... kids come first you know. Maybe thats the hang up, Babysitters cost money. If she works then her time with her babies is precious. Maybe you should make a kid oriented outing and see what happens.
 
Old 09-16-2009, 06:05 PM   #16
Litte Mary Sunshine
 
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I'm a Girl
Living in just this of side of hell

not enough information provided. I take it slow, I just don't like to bang every guy within 30 minutes of meeting him. Call me a slut. What book do you read out of that says in 30 days either of you have to know. So what, I've had periods that have lasted longer. Stop being influenced by society, we must post nudes of ourselves, or delve into each others personal life instantly.

The relationships, as I see it, today are based on how fast you can fuck, suck, blow, fuck over, or dive into a relationship. Wow, your relationship with your live in bf/gf didin't work out, no shit sherlock, it's only been six months. Pregnancy lasts longer.

Do you have terminal cancer? Are you leaving for Iraq in four weeks? Than shut up. She calls you. She wants to. You haven't stated she calls you no with ex drama. It appears you have sparked this young ladies interest. Must you PUSH it.

What's this? Respect has come into play, with all means cut and run. I mean god KNOW'S you must be looking for a loose woman who just hops in bed with anyone. Especially a woman who has child, how dare she be a woman of moral fiber.

Have YOU ever thought that maybe her 'shyness' may be due to that she is a decent mother and doesn't want to lead you on. She doesn't know yet.

I say let's flog her at sundown. Maybe if we beat her enough we'll get nasty forum talk and explicit pictures from her expressing her low self esteem because she liked 'this one guy' and he rushed it, and mabye she really did like him.

Don't be an idiot. I'm old and some what wise. You have sparked her interest. Get some slut to blow you in the interim but see how it pans out, I'm serious.
 
Old 09-17-2009, 06:16 AM   #17
Married and then some.
 
MrsD's Avatar
 
I'm a Female
Living in Crazytown
Looking for Conversation
Humor is Goofy
Have a Unique fashion style

^^^ that's my sis and that's how she really feels. All good valid points and believe me she is serious
 
Old 09-18-2009, 06:00 AM   #18
PNW Love Member
 
I'm a Dude
Living in somewhere

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bikenut View Post
Get some slut to blow you in the interim but see how it pans out, I'm serious.
QFTMFT !!!!!!

Oh and btw it worked out AMAZINGLY!!
 
Old 09-19-2009, 10:14 AM   #19
oK, fine, its COUGAR :P
 
Panther's Avatar
 
I'm a Lady
Living in Seattle

Quote:
Originally Posted by MrsD View Post
Wow, things have changed in the dating world. When I told Duane I wanted to take it slow, it meant give me time to learn to trust you. I had just gotten out of an abusive marriage and hated men at the time. I must say he was a perfect gentleman for about 3 months, then I totally freaked him out. (another story the man should have ran but thank god he didn't) When I didn't want to see someone anymore I would tell them no thank you when they asked me out. If I was with someone for awhile and it wasn't my cup of tea I would tell them so. Whats with all the BS your either interested or your not. You don't keep someones heart in your hand just to toss it out if something better comes along. Your either in the game or your not and most people know within a short amount of time if its something there willing to invest some time in.


Totally where im at. came out of a ridiculously fucked up relationship. To me takin it slow means exactly what you said. give me some time to learn to trust you. Its scary stuff to start to have feelings for someone, cuz it makes you vulnerable. I just made sure to talk about it. Honesty is the best policy. Seems to be workin out pretty well for me
 
Old 09-19-2009, 11:11 AM   #20
miss-communicator
 
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I'm a Female
Living in spokane

i luv bikenut
 
Old 12-26-2009, 10:31 PM   #21
PNW Love Member
 
cityxslicker's Avatar
 
I'm a Dude
Living in Sequim - Yeah, Baby!

Take it slow.... I dont want to get complicated with you right now because mr right is just around the corner... or is already down the street, he just doesnt know it yet... whatever the answer is, you are second choice on that one, or maybe fifth

Nobody ever says lets go to an amusement park, get on the roller coaster and go real slow. THAT WOULD BE FUN! Nope. You are a calculated option, not the fun impulse, get used to it, or get out.
 
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