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Old 01-26-2009, 10:04 PM   #1
The Doctor Is In
 
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I'm a Girl
Living in Seattle, WA

I Hate My Best Friend's Boyfriend!!!

I do. I can't stand him...and the worst part of it is that I feel I am responsible for them meeting....

He's just not good enough for her, plain and simple as that. She's a very sweet girl who will do just about ANYTHING for anyone...she loves to take care of people and she's just all around a good person. BUT, she has this awful boyfriend who doesn't give two shits about her...to say the least.

All he does is talk about his car ALL the time, he wont come out and see her (he lives about 2 hours away) and tells her he doesn't have enough money to see her even though he shows up on a rare weekend with new parts on his 4x4 (no money my ass). And, those rare weekends he does make an appearance he spends the entire time sitting in her room on her computer looking at cars. When he does come off the computer, it's just to have food that one of us prepares for him and after he finishes eating he gets up, doesn't offer to help, doesn't lift a finger to take his plate to the kitchen...and worst of all, he doesn't even say THANK YOU. He doesn't want her to text him or call him often, and he refuses to tell her what he's doing. I could go on and on and on...

So, bottom line is, I care about my best friend a lot and I don't want to see her treated like this. I've tried to tell her that she deserves better (in a nice way), but then she tells me that she doesn't believe she deserves better!!! What a load of crap!

I know this all stems from her just wanting to be in a relationship in general, although she will never admit it. It makes me sad because I think she just picked the first guy that came along. I wish there was some way for me to tell her all of this and point it out to her without making her despise me. We are roommates, and so I want to keep everything relatively tension-less between us.

Any advice? Should I just keep my mouth shut and let it run it's course (hoping of course that it ends sooner or later), or should I speak up and give her my opinion? Thanks for reading

/novel
 
Old 01-26-2009, 10:11 PM   #2
Newbie
 
I'm a Guy
Living in Seattle

If you've tried telling her and shes just not going to accept it then move on. It seems like shes stuck to the typical notion of shes not good enough, but somehow make her realize she is.

Some ideas

1. Good previous boyfriends? If she has, then cant you ask her in some way that she is good enough?
2. Ask her questions that she can answer herself to make her realize that she deserves better
3. Is she scared to lay the GTFO bomb on her boyfriend?
4. Sounds like hes just there for the sex, fucking bastard.

It sounds like he cares more about his Car then Her...a good relationship takes two to make it work. If one just doesn't give a flying fuck its not happening. He obviously has other priorities and hes not ready for a girlfriend.

Sometimes people just have to learn on their own.

Oh btw, he sounds like a fffffffaaaaaiiiillllllllllll
 
Old 01-27-2009, 09:01 AM   #3
So Amazingly Happy
 
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I'm a Lady
Living in Lacey, WA

There's nothing you can do Victoria. Just be there and be a friend to her. And even though you might want to scream "I told you so" when it's finally over.. don't.. Just be there and be the best friend you can be.
 
Old 01-27-2009, 09:06 AM   #4
Down the Rabbit Hole
 
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I'm a Gentleman
Living in Washington

Quote:
Originally Posted by Washingtonblonde View Post
And even though you might want to scream "I told you so" when it's finally over.. don't.. .
Don't wait until after it's over. Knock some sense into your friend now.

It's pretty damn obvious that there's something screwy going on. Be it that he has someone else, or that he's just overly-obsessed with something that it's consuming him.

Both of those are bad things and show signs of what is to come in the future.

Help her see the light and get her out of the situation. Besides... if she's complaining about it already, she's not happy.

WTF is up with people staying in crappy relationships? Kick it to the curb and move the hell on.
 
Old 01-27-2009, 09:23 AM   #5
Surprize!
 
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want me to flirt with her and steal her away from him?

i've already seduced her once, i can do it again.
 
Old 01-27-2009, 09:31 AM   #6
So Amazingly Happy
 
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I'm a Lady
Living in Lacey, WA

Quote:
Originally Posted by Metonymy View Post
Don't wait until after it's over. Knock some sense into your friend now.

It's pretty damn obvious that there's something screwy going on. Be it that he has someone else, or that he's just overly-obsessed with something that it's consuming him.

Both of those are bad things and show signs of what is to come in the future.

Help her see the light and get her out of the situation. Besides... if she's complaining about it already, she's not happy.

WTF is up with people staying in crappy relationships? Kick it to the curb and move the hell on.
Sounds all very nice.. but bottom line.. you can't MAKE someone get out of a crappy relationship. She's voiced her opinion. Constantly nagging on a friend could potentially ruin a friendship.

She'll eventually see the light and move on. But everyone moves at a pace that is comfortable for them.. not for the 'friend'.
 
Old 01-27-2009, 09:31 AM   #7
So Amazingly Happy
 
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I'm a Lady
Living in Lacey, WA

Quote:
Originally Posted by dizzle View Post
want me to flirt with her and steal her away from him?

i've already seduced her once, i can do it again.
Hehe.. I think this sounds like the better option! You go Dane!
 
Old 01-27-2009, 10:02 AM   #8
Surprize!
 
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I've know this "best friend" for over 10 years. Now that i'm apart of this issue, this boyfriend will be gone before v-day. I may be taking one for the team guys. Wish me luck!
 
Old 01-27-2009, 10:25 AM   #9
So Amazingly Happy
 
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I'm a Lady
Living in Lacey, WA

(pats you on the back)
 
Old 01-27-2009, 11:43 AM   #10
The Doctor Is In
 
Oxygen's Avatar
 
I'm a Girl
Living in Seattle, WA

we're pretty close friends, to answer your question Annette. We are always sure to tell each other the blunt truth about most things, but when I try she doesn't seem receptive. If I tell her she can do better she always make excuses why she can't and why she doesn't want to leave him...but they're excuses, no real good reasons.

I want to knock some sense into her, but if she's not accepting or willing to take action then why waste my breath? I don't want to nag her, like Sarah said, or I could potentially ruin a friendship (and make a roommate situation very uncomfortable).

So, all in all, I don't know what route to take. I want to be blunt with her and just tell her like it is, but I can't risk ruining the friendship over something so stupid. She gets hurt rather easily, but wont tell me that.

If I were to be blunt about things, what do you guys think would be the best way to have an "intervention"? Out of all of our mutual friends, I'm not the only one who feels this way. Everyone else can see how crappy he is...oh decisions decisions....
 
Old 01-27-2009, 11:45 AM   #11
The Doctor Is In
 
Oxygen's Avatar
 
I'm a Girl
Living in Seattle, WA

Quote:
Originally Posted by dizzle View Post
I've know this "best friend" for over 10 years. Now that i'm apart of this issue, this boyfriend will be gone before v-day. I may be taking one for the team guys. Wish me luck!
I <3 you
 
Old 01-27-2009, 01:08 PM   #12
Down the Rabbit Hole
 
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I'm a Gentleman
Living in Washington

Quote:
Originally Posted by Oxygen View Post
(and make a roommate situation very uncomfortable).
That changes everything.

I'd say let her suffer through it if she chooses then. But for your own sanity, ask that she not discuss it with you. It'll help prevent negative discourse.
 
Old 01-27-2009, 03:04 PM   #13
So Amazingly Happy
 
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I'm a Lady
Living in Lacey, WA

^^^Yes.. you make too many excuses for people.. I used to do the same.. Making excuses for people does not change who they are or their behaviors.. (sorry.. that was for Annette).

Victoria.. I had a close friend that I watched spiral downhill.. Drug abuse.. abusive boyfriend.. Near death twice that I can count. And all the intervention in the world couldn't make her do anything.. she had to do it on her own.. and I was there the ENTIRE time.. Even having 3-4 conversations with her about the SAME thing because she was too wasted to even know we had the conversation previously.

But you know what.. it was worth it.. and eventually she DID come around and is now happily married with a beautiful daughter. Just hang in there.
 
Old 01-27-2009, 09:18 PM   #14
Litte Mary Sunshine
 
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I'm a Girl
Living in just this of side of hell

SO's come and go. Best friends ride the storm. Keep the yapper shut, smile and be there when it goes bad.
 
Old 01-27-2009, 10:21 PM   #15
The Doctor Is In
 
Oxygen's Avatar
 
I'm a Girl
Living in Seattle, WA

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bikenut View Post
SO's come and go. Best friends ride the storm. Keep the yapper shut, smile and be there when it goes bad.
I'm just worried that it wont go "bad" (cause it's already bad, and everyone can see that but her) and they'll do something crazy like get married or have a kid (they're already talking about that crap).

My best friend will never realize that he's a douche though. Ugh. You're right. I'll just let it run its course. It's not my life...
 
Old 01-28-2009, 05:04 PM   #16
Litte Mary Sunshine
 
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I'm a Girl
Living in just this of side of hell

Your in a tuff spot. Me personally, I wouldn't be able to resist taking that piece of shit, cornering him and telling him EXACTLTY what I thought of him. It wouldn't help her, but it might change his "oh hey I'm here so now kiss my ass' attitude. Let him know you are onto him.

I had 200 friends sit there and watch me marry the biggest douch bag known to man kind. (Not my kid's Dad) Not one of 'em said a word. They let me figure it out on my own and everyone of them were there when I threw douche bag out a year later. You might have to take this route.

Personally, I'd start bringing REAL men over AS FRIENDS and maybe she can see how REAL men behave. Your prolly not going to be able to get thru to her. How shallow that I ask, but how old is she? I need to have her go to a movie with my friend. He's my ace in the hole. Makes 6 figures, I consider him good looking but he can definatly give a woman an insight of how to be treated.

Good luck Victoria. I could talk to her if ya want
 
Old 01-28-2009, 08:14 PM   #17
The Doctor Is In
 
Oxygen's Avatar
 
I'm a Girl
Living in Seattle, WA

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bikenut View Post
Your in a tuff spot. Me personally, I wouldn't be able to resist taking that piece of shit, cornering him and telling him EXACTLTY what I thought of him. It wouldn't help her, but it might change his "oh hey I'm here so now kiss my ass' attitude. Let him know you are onto him.

I had 200 friends sit there and watch me marry the biggest douch bag known to man kind. (Not my kid's Dad) Not one of 'em said a word. They let me figure it out on my own and everyone of them were there when I threw douche bag out a year later. You might have to take this route.

Personally, I'd start bringing REAL men over AS FRIENDS and maybe she can see how REAL men behave. Your prolly not going to be able to get thru to her. How shallow that I ask, but how old is she? I need to have her go to a movie with my friend. He's my ace in the hole. Makes 6 figures, I consider him good looking but he can definatly give a woman an insight of how to be treated.

Good luck Victoria. I could talk to her if ya want
Wow, that's tough to hear...I don't want it to get to the point where no one says anything and just lets this go on. There's like 15 other people here (mutual friends) that want to do an intervention cause we all know how suck he is. Unfortunately, we can't make a decision for her.

I'm pretty blunt with her, and I tried mentioning some things today (and she was very receptive to them). I think she knows he's a fail, but she just wont go through with breaking it off. Only she can do that.

When we were talking earlier today, I was pretty sure she would cut him loose...but she text me just about an hour ago saying how they worked things out....what is there to "work out"???

I don't know...I voiced my concerns to her, I did what I could. I suppose the ball is in her court now....but I know her and she wont do anything until its too late and she needs to file for a divorce.

I'm just really concerned for her and I'm finding it impossible to just sit back and watch it happen.

(Oh, she's 23)
 
Old 01-28-2009, 09:37 PM   #18
So Amazingly Happy
 
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I'm a Lady
Living in Lacey, WA

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bikenut View Post
I need to have her go to a movie with my friend. He's my ace in the hole. Makes 6 figures, I consider him good looking but he can definatly give a woman an insight of how to be treated.
DAMN DORIAN!!!! Hello.. Me.. Over here!!!!!
 
Old 01-28-2009, 10:25 PM   #19
Surprize!
 
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I'm a Dude
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Oxygen View Post
Wow, that's tough to hear...I don't want it to get to the point where no one says anything and just lets this go on. There's like 15 other people here (mutual friends) that want to do an intervention cause we all know how suck he is. Unfortunately, we can't make a decision for her.

I'm pretty blunt with her, and I tried mentioning some things today (and she was very receptive to them). I think she knows he's a fail, but she just wont go through with breaking it off. Only she can do that.

When we were talking earlier today, I was pretty sure she would cut him loose...but she text me just about an hour ago saying how they worked things out....what is there to "work out"???

I don't know...I voiced my concerns to her, I did what I could. I suppose the ball is in her court now....but I know her and she wont do anything until its too late and she needs to file for a divorce.

I'm just really concerned for her and I'm finding it impossible to just sit back and watch it happen.

(Oh, she's 23)
oh just wait, phase 2 will commence soon.
 
Old 01-29-2009, 04:19 PM   #20
Litte Mary Sunshine
 
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I'm a Girl
Living in just this of side of hell

Quote:
Originally Posted by Oxygen View Post
Wow, that's tough to hear...I don't want it to get to the point where no one says anything and just lets this go on. There's like 15 other people here (mutual friends) that want to do an intervention cause we all know how suck he is. Unfortunately, we can't make a decision for her.

I'm pretty blunt with her, and I tried mentioning some things today (and she was very receptive to them). I think she knows he's a fail, but she just wont go through with breaking it off. Only she can do that.

When we were talking earlier today, I was pretty sure she would cut him loose...but she text me just about an hour ago saying how they worked things out....what is there to "work out"???

I don't know...I voiced my concerns to her, I did what I could. I suppose the ball is in her court now....but I know her and she wont do anything until its too late and she needs to file for a divorce.

I'm just really concerned for her and I'm finding it impossible to just sit back and watch it happen.

(Oh, she's 23)
Is the nicest of ways...you finding it impossible to watch it happen is YOUR deal not hers. I can't count how many times by sis sat there and told me, don't do that - your gunna regret that - keep your mouth shut - I wouldn't advise that - that may not be best choice, and I did it anyway. She let's me make my own blunders. She was also there for the aftermath. You let you concerns known. That is all you can do. I'd' still corner the piece of shit and strong arm the asshole to point of choking him out..but again, my sister would advise against it. But I'd do it anyways.

Make sense? She's gunna do it ANYWAYS. Be a good friend. She's gunna need one down the road.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Washingtonblonde View Post
DAMN DORIAN!!!! Hello.. Me.. Over here!!!!!

NO.... I love my friend dearly but he is NOT the man for you. He has more motor toys than I could ever dream of. That is not what you need. I am still searching for a 'date' for you. It's gunna take a pretty special guy to get past my 'Can I date your friend Sarah" mode. I'll know him when I see him. Most can't even finish the questionare.
 
Old 01-29-2009, 06:36 PM   #21
The Force
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bikenut View Post
It's gunna take a pretty special guy to get past my 'Can I date your friend Sarah" mode. I'll know him when I see him. Most can't even finish the questionare.
*chuckle* I'd really like to see a copy of this questionnaire for educational purposes.
 
Old 01-29-2009, 08:09 PM   #22
Litte Mary Sunshine
 
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I'm a Girl
Living in just this of side of hell

sure, kind of the same one I sent to MikeRCW's GF

What do feel is most important in life?
What is your most memorable worst/best past experience in a relationship?
How do you see yourself in 5 years?
10 years?
How do you feel about your throat being ripped out if you hurt my friend?
What kind of relationship did your parents have?
What was the happiest time of your life in the past 2 years?
What are you looking for in a relationship?

You now, standard stuff.
 
Old 01-29-2009, 08:45 PM   #23
Sarah's little mermaid
 
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I'm a Lady
Living in Renton, WA
Humor is Dry/Sarcastic
Have a Classic fashion style

^^^^LOL! I love it but if it is for a potential for my Princess Sarah I would add a few questions to your questionare....
 
Old 01-29-2009, 08:56 PM   #24
So Amazingly Happy
 
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I'm a Lady
Living in Lacey, WA

LOL! I think she probably loses them at the ripping the throat out. Geez Dorian. Set your standards too high and I'll never have a date.. And why is it that your standards are higher than mine??

Do you even know what I want??? I don't.
 
Old 01-29-2009, 09:30 PM   #25
Litte Mary Sunshine
 
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I'm a Girl
Living in just this of side of hell

Quote:
Originally Posted by Washingtonblonde View Post
LOL! I think she probably loses them at the ripping the throat out. Geez Dorian. Set your standards too high and I'll never have a date.. And why is it that your standards are higher than mine??

Do you even know what I want??? I don't.
No, but I know what you need. My standards aren't higher than yours, I'm just older and smarter. Your smarter than the average bear. I say that about very few woman. Look around blondie. You have this rare thing called morals and values. Most of you will have to wiki that. And yes, I do know what you want.

A man to be attentive
Someone who allows you to be a Mother to your children
Someone who is supportive in your goals and beliefs
Someone to laugh your ass of with
Someone to nurture you when you are having a bad day


shall I go on or have you figured it out yet? Love ya
 
Old 01-29-2009, 09:56 PM   #26
crazy like a fox
 
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I'm a Girl
Living in Renton

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bikenut View Post
sure, kind of the same one I sent to MikeRCW's GF

What do feel is most important in life?
What is your most memorable worst/best past experience in a relationship?
How do you see yourself in 5 years?
10 years?
How do you feel about your throat being ripped out if you hurt my friend?
What kind of relationship did your parents have?
What was the happiest time of your life in the past 2 years?
What are you looking for in a relationship?

You now, standard stuff.
Nice, but you forgot:

Where would you least like to be shot?
What would you like to be said in your eulogy?
Written essay: Pretend you were writing your obituary... What would it say?

 
Old 01-30-2009, 07:14 AM   #27
Today I choose Life
 
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I'm a Gentleman
Living in Marital Bliss...

Quote:
Originally Posted by snaps View Post
Nice, but you forgot:

Where would you least like to be shot?
What would you like to be said in your eulogy?
Written essay: Pretend you were writing your obituary... What would it say?

Snaps....morbid much.....most level headed guys don't do psycho...or even the hint of psycho. Watch out for the crazy eyes.
 
Old 01-30-2009, 05:01 PM   #28
crazy like a fox
 
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I'm a Girl
Living in Renton

Quote:
Originally Posted by CStyle View Post
Snaps....morbid much.....most level headed guys don't do psycho...or even the hint of psycho. Watch out for the crazy eyes.
nah... my dad jokingly asked my (now) bro-in-law these questions when he and my sister got back together after a summer apart. Ken's eyes got wide, until he realized that my jokester-dad was being funny. Turns out, his girlfriend over the summer? Yeah, her dad asked these questions seriously.
 
Old 02-01-2009, 09:12 AM   #29
I am naked... Right now.
 
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I'm a Gentleman
Living in Issaquah, WA

The root issue is self esteem. She may not feel like she deserves better because she has a low self image. That's a hard issue to "fix" but I guarantee once she has a better concept of self worth that guy will disappear fast.

Just tell her this "How much more awesome was Adam? Did he not up the ante for you? Is this dude not like 8 levels below what he was?"

Hopefully A light bulb will appear above her head and she will see the light.

Don't get me wrong I'm not really interested in dating her again but I'll be god damned if THATS the guy that replaced me.
 
Old 02-01-2009, 11:44 AM   #30
Surprize!
 
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I'm a Dude
Living in Newcastle
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ODiE View Post
The root issue is self esteem. She may not feel like she deserves better because she has a low self image. That's a hard issue to "fix" but I guarantee once she has a better concept of self worth that guy will disappear fast.

Just tell her this "How much more awesome was Adam? Did he not up the ante for you? Is this dude not like 8 levels below what he was?"

Hopefully A light bulb will appear above her head and she will see the light.

Don't get me wrong I'm not really interested in dating her again but I'll be god damned if THATS the guy that replaced me.
take one for the team son and do her again so she'll get rid of him. :D
 
Old 02-02-2009, 04:07 PM   #31
The Doctor Is In
 
Oxygen's Avatar
 
I'm a Girl
Living in Seattle, WA

Quote:
Originally Posted by ODiE View Post
The root issue is self esteem. She may not feel like she deserves better because she has a low self image. That's a hard issue to "fix" but I guarantee once she has a better concept of self worth that guy will disappear fast.

Just tell her this "How much more awesome was Adam? Did he not up the ante for you? Is this dude not like 8 levels below what he was?"

Hopefully A light bulb will appear above her head and she will see the light.

Don't get me wrong I'm not really interested in dating her again but I'll be god damned if THATS the guy that replaced me.
HAHA I tried that...those exact words actually. Did it work? Nope.

Anyway, now she's flipping a shit because I'm "talking shit" to others about him. I'm trying to explain to her that I was seeking advice whether to tell her or not, or how to tell her. Well, it all backfired because the situation I was trying to prevent (uncomfortable living situation) is now what I get to live with. Oh fuck my life.
 
Old 02-02-2009, 04:45 PM   #32
So Amazingly Happy
 
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I'm a Lady
Living in Lacey, WA

It'll pass Victoria.. It's just drama. Live your life and try to avoid it the best you can.
 
Old 02-04-2009, 08:49 PM   #33
I am naked... Right now.
 
ODiE's Avatar
 
I'm a Gentleman
Living in Issaquah, WA

lawl dramaria.
 
Old 02-04-2009, 08:57 PM   #34
The Doctor Is In
 
Oxygen's Avatar
 
I'm a Girl
Living in Seattle, WA

Quote:
Originally Posted by ODiE View Post
lawl dramaria.
hell ya!

lol I keeeed....no more drama for me please....
 
Old 02-05-2009, 11:11 AM   #35
Surprize!
 
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I'm a Dude
Living in Newcastle
Looking for Networking
Interested in Women
Humor is Clever/Quick-witted
Have a Trendy fashion style

please, drama is your life. You dated me for crying out loud.
 
Old 07-22-2009, 03:54 PM   #36
PNW Love Member
 
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I'm a Dude
Living in Sequim - Yeah, Baby!

FML: Your everyday life stories you will feel better, for a bit.

If its any consolation, if the guy were nice, considerate, honest, fun, intelligent, mature, had a job, she probably wouldnt be into him anyways. (theres no drama in it, nothin to fix, no bad boy to tame, no "If I love him enough he will change for me" factor)
 
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