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Old 01-22-2009, 02:27 PM   #1
miss-communicator
 
Rockerchic's Avatar
 
I'm a Female
Living in spokane

Giving up control

I'm discovering an entire different side to relationships and dating. Its challenging my independent side for sure. I have always done things for myself. the new beau opens my doors, warms up my car, pulls out my chairs, brings me coffee in bed, carries my groceries, and treats me to dinner. LIKE HOLY SHIT! EVERY TIME TOO! not just now and then, but every time. I've been trying to let go of my own control issues and be greatful for this "new" treatment, but its not that easy. For example, we bought groceries (my groceries, OUR wine), so I put $40 up (half the cost), he handed me back 20. Okay, grrrrrr . But i say "thank you" while i give him the look. So my personal feeling as we leave is that I NEED one of those grocery bags. just one and I will be happy. So he puts both into one hand and goes to grab mine with his empty one. My mouth starts watering, my heart palputates, I break into a sweat...I'M HAVING A FREAKIN ANXIETY ATTACK OVER A BAG OF GROCERIES! I not so gently tell him to give me that damn bag! The poor guy see's my physical reaction and knows its in his best interest to gimme the damn bag. I find that I myself am a bit suprised by my reaction- I don't ever recall a time with my anxiety took on a physical form- especially over "control". We got to the car, where he took the groceries (I handed mine over without question. I was feeling quite bad at that moment). Now, at this point I'm ready for a little confrontation (assuming this will be like all other relationships) and will result in a fight of sort. NOPE. Instead he grabs me close and a gives me a huge hug and lets me know we are gonna work on compromising until i get comfortable allowing him to be nice to me. (of course I start bawling by now). Ha, so the next time we went shopping and I was carrying the basket, he kindly said that he would LIKE to carry it for me, and would I be okay with that....a big smile and I handed it over.

I don't know if any of you struggle with control issues. I know I'm quite "independant", but not realize how much that flowed over into the "control" category. I guess I have some issues, but thank god for a wonderful person who knows just how to handle the situation with nothing but sweetness and understanding.
 
Old 01-22-2009, 02:43 PM   #2
~Messy Baby~
 
TeashaMae's Avatar
 
I'm a Chicky-poo
Living in my own reality....

Sounds like you've got yourself someone that gets you and is going to try what he can to make you more comfortable.

I think you realize the issue, now it's just trying to find that happy medium, and it seems from his response to the situation, it's only a matter of time I'm happy for you RC, you deserve a great guy and it sounds like you found one!!

I have the same "I can do it for myself" issues, but you've got to realize that people care about you, and when you care about someone you just want to make things easier for them.....sounds like you're on the right track, smile and say thank you and never ever take them for granted!
 
Old 01-22-2009, 03:11 PM   #3
Today I choose Life
 
CStyle's Avatar
 
I'm a Gentleman
Living in Marital Bliss...

compromise is key, and as long as you are willing to work on your shortcomings and be flexible when his start rearing their head...you will be all good
 
Old 01-22-2009, 03:27 PM   #4
So Amazingly Happy
 
Washingtonblonde's Avatar
 
I'm a Lady
Living in Lacey, WA

I just think it's sweet that you are willing to share your wine. Now that's LOVE!
 
Old 01-22-2009, 03:49 PM   #5
pees standing up
 
Plummy's Avatar
 
I'm a Chicky-poo
Living in a hole

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rockerchic View Post
I'm discovering an entire different side to relationships and dating. Its challenging my independent side for sure. I have always done things for myself. the new beau opens my doors, warms up my car, pulls out my chairs, brings me coffee in bed, carries my groceries, and treats me to dinner. LIKE HOLY SHIT! EVERY TIME TOO! not just now and then, but every time. I've been trying to let go of my own control issues and be greatful for this "new" treatment, but its not that easy. For example, we bought groceries (my groceries, OUR wine), so I put $40 up (half the cost), he handed me back 20. Okay, grrrrrr . But i say "thank you" while i give him the look. So my personal feeling as we leave is that I NEED one of those grocery bags. just one and I will be happy. So he puts both into one hand and goes to grab mine with his empty one. My mouth starts watering, my heart palputates, I break into a sweat...I'M HAVING A FREAKIN ANXIETY ATTACK OVER A BAG OF GROCERIES! I not so gently tell him to give me that damn bag! The poor guy see's my physical reaction and knows its in his best interest to gimme the damn bag. I find that I myself am a bit suprised by my reaction- I don't ever recall a time with my anxiety took on a physical form- especially over "control". We got to the car, where he took the groceries (I handed mine over without question. I was feeling quite bad at that moment). Now, at this point I'm ready for a little confrontation (assuming this will be like all other relationships) and will result in a fight of sort. NOPE. Instead he grabs me close and a gives me a huge hug and lets me know we are gonna work on compromising until i get comfortable allowing him to be nice to me. (of course I start bawling by now). Ha, so the next time we went shopping and I was carrying the basket, he kindly said that he would LIKE to carry it for me, and would I be okay with that....a big smile and I handed it over.

I don't know if any of you struggle with control issues. I know I'm quite "independant", but not realize how much that flowed over into the "control" category. I guess I have some issues, but thank god for a wonderful person who knows just how to handle the situation with nothing but sweetness and understanding.
i don't recall writing this...hmmmm...

heh, i hate it and love it at the same time. it takes a long time for me to get use to guys doing things for me. i'm completely capable of getting my 8 bags of groceries inside in one load on my own. don't need no damn help.

it's the biggest gripe i hear when with a guy that wants to just help me out. they hate that i won't let them do anything for me. i just don't like the attention on me, i suppose.

then i get use to the help and accept it, but that's when the help decides they no longer want to help me and they go away and stop talking to me.
 
Old 01-22-2009, 05:41 PM   #6
Litte Mary Sunshine
 
Bikenut's Avatar
 
I'm a Girl
Living in just this of side of hell

oh. my. god. I gotta laugh. RC, this is exactly what I went thru when Rene' moved in. IT DROVE ME NUTS!! Still does at times. My advice...breath. Sound stupid? Try it. Your not a control freak. You are an achiever. And you didn't get that way by sitting on your laurels waiting for some man to come along. Now that one has, your not willing to hand over even ONE rein. So it boils down to one question. Do you love him? Do ya love him when he belches? Do ya love the way he smiles? Better yet, do ya like to see him happy? Then let him carry the damn bags woman. Let him open the freakin doors. It makes HIM happy. If ya get pissed - breath and just don't take it as a weakness. Take it as he loves you. Relax you over bearing wench and enjoy it!!
 
Old 01-22-2009, 10:12 PM   #7
miss-communicator
 
Rockerchic's Avatar
 
I'm a Female
Living in spokane

I love u BN

I don't call it "love"

I say its learning a lot about me, and having a fabulous individual who has patience. May we all learn more about this trait....

And a whole bunch about me. Seriously- having a PHYSICAL reaction kinda scared me- but also was a good clue about having "issues"
 
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