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Old 12-03-2008, 09:28 AM   #1
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Starting a family

So when is to old to "start" a family?

When I lived in Los Angeles most people I knew got married mid 30's and within a year or two started popping out babies. Not the case in the PNW. Seems that a lot of people get married and start a family much eariler in life.

What are your thoughts on starting early verses waiting? Pro? Cons?
 
Old 12-03-2008, 09:32 AM   #2
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Think about having teenage kids when your'e 50ish, yes it does keep you "young" but also worn the hell out!
My personal experience is after 35, you enter the oh-oh zone.
 
Old 12-03-2008, 09:57 AM   #3
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at 27, eggs become "old" and more likely to be defective. that and the thought of dealing with a 15 year old when i'm 50 is enough to stop me from having any after the age of 30.

i'm way behind on where i wanted to be in life at this age. when i was younger, i wanted to be like my mom and married at 25. that came and went.
 
Old 12-03-2008, 10:07 AM   #4
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I thought that I would have been married and had kids by now...that's for sure. But things don't always go as planned.

My thoughts on it, when it's your turn it's your turn. If for some reason you wait til you're "older" and the eggs have expired, there are always plenty of children already here that need love.

So I guess pros for doing it younger is a better chance of having your own children. Cons for doing it older is well...you're older, are you going to have the energy to run around after a youngster when you're in your late 30's? I think it just depends on the person.
 
Old 12-03-2008, 10:12 AM   #5
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Perhaps it's the circle of friends I hang with, but most people I'm close with in the PNW have started their families in their mid-30s. They've been very happy with these choices, and their kids seem just fine. You've got wisdom and life experiences under your belt by this age and, hopefully, you're financially secure.

Now, this is NOT to say that having babies in your 20s is a bad thing ... which certainly it is not. I know lots of folks who started families at a younger age and they're doing just fine. My only point is that I think the mid-30s are perfectly fine, too.

I may step on some toes here, but I think mid-40s is probably on the cusp of "starting too late" for babies. But, there are people who do it all the time ... oh, Brad Pitt and Tom Cruise come to mind. And, two dear 40-year old friends of mine are in China as I write this to bring home their adopted baby boy, because they could not bear children of their own despite trying very hard for several years. Good for them and what a lucky little boy.

Without doubt, I think it's terribly irresponsible to start a family in your 80s! Sorry Hugh Heffner and Tony Randall, and others, but you shouldn't be making babies in your 80s.
 
Old 12-03-2008, 10:30 AM   #6
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Evan,

I know you want to start a family.. and here's all of my random thoughts on it.

I started early (too early most likely) and didn't really get to experience independence and the dating scene like many others who had children later in life. So.. I always looked forward to the day when my daughter would be 18 and on her own.. and I would be in my mid-late 30's.. but then 7.5 years later.. I had another daughter.. so my time for 'freedom' now won't come much later.

I'm now 31 and not in a serious relationship.. and I go back and forth on if I'd want more children all the time. The ONLY reason why I wouldn't want more children in the upcoming years is because I always looked forward to the day when my kids would be grown and I could just do what ever.. go on a random trip just for the hell of it.. or what not..

But.. for someone that is in their 30's and considering a family.. Most likely they already got to experience all of those things and create memories for theirselves.

Having a family - not matter what age - is amazing!! Don't let a number (age) deter you from it.
 
Old 12-03-2008, 01:58 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TeashaMae View Post
I thought that I would have been married and had kids by now...that's for sure. But things don't always go as planned.

My thoughts on it, when it's your turn it's your turn. If for some reason you wait til you're "older" and the eggs have expired, there are always plenty of children already here that need love.

So I guess pros for doing it younger is a better chance of having your own children. Cons for doing it older is well...you're older, are you going to have the energy to run around after a youngster when you're in your late 30's? I think it just depends on the person.
The whole adoption thing is different though. While I do want kids, I want my own kids. I know I could love an adopted child, but it being half of me and something I created with my partner and seeing the combination of us grow up is what appeals to me more than actually raising a child and being a mom that way. It's a weird feeling to describe.

It may be selfish, but I guess it's just that "ultimate" unification with someone that lasts longer than 90 seconds at a time.
 
Old 12-03-2008, 02:09 PM   #8
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The whole adoption thing is different though. While I do want kids, I want my own kids. I know I could love an adopted child, but it being half of me and something I created with my partner and seeing the combination of us grow up is what appeals to me more than actually raising a child and being a mom that way. It's a weird feeling to describe.

It may be selfish, but I guess it's just that "ultimate" unification with someone that lasts longer than 90 seconds at a time.
I agree 100% to this...I'm just not opposed if it came down to it, to either adopt or be a foster parent. I think though that just stems from my childhood and being in the foster system for sometime, just kinda a way to give back. But completely agree
 
Old 12-03-2008, 05:18 PM   #9
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I just talked with a client he's in his late 40's and has a 2 year old. Wife is 34 though. He said the only thing that would have changed if he started younger is that he would have more. lol.

He also talked his friends starting when the wife was 38 and again at 41.

I'm not really wondering about the medical side of actually having kids. I wonder more about the changes?

Shit I guess I wonder about having kids in general. How do you know if you're ready? I love the idea of having a little Evan running around but the idea that "I'm" responsible for someone else scares the SHIT outta me.
 
Old 12-03-2008, 05:33 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by evander View Post
I just talked with a client he's in his late 40's and has a 2 year old. Wife is 34 though. He said the only thing that would have changed if he started younger is that he would have more. lol.

He also talked his friends starting when the wife was 38 and again at 41.

I'm not really wondering about the medical side of actually having kids. I wonder more about the changes?

Shit I guess I wonder about having kids in general. How do you know if you're ready? I love the idea of having a little Evan running around but the idea that "I'm" responsible for someone else scares the SHIT outta me.
Evan, when the time and SO is right you will know. It is a huge change in life and life style. However it is very fullfilling. I am a father of two 16 and 18, what a ride! =} I think you would not only enjoy fatherdom but be good at it man. No fear!
 
Old 12-03-2008, 07:36 PM   #11
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Evan The BIGGEST mistake people do is say to themselves...I am going to wait until I am ready to have kids, when I can afford them...Shoot you will never have kids..we are never "ready" and to hell if we can ever truely "afford" them. When you do have the little brats your mind will whip into gear if you are a truly loving giving person. If selffish DO NOT BREED!!
I had one young you know she is 17 1/2 I should be home free in one more year NOT I had another 10yrs later who is now 7 1/2 that is okay I feel that I enjoy my younger one now more then my older one when she was at the same age. I am smarter inage more aware of things.
If you wait past 40 your screwed too old to help with grandbabies and too old to see great grandbabies think about the future generations and what will you be around to be apart of? Screw the old egg idea medical reasons unlike that would be an issue if someone has old rotten eggs they have been that way for some time not due to age.

NO GO my man make some Babies or at least have fun trying!!
 
Old 12-03-2008, 08:32 PM   #12
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Never too old......
 
Old 12-03-2008, 08:41 PM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Wild Angel View Post
Evan The BIGGEST mistake people do is say to themselves...I am going to wait until I am ready to have kids, when I can afford them...Shoot you will never have kids..we are never "ready" and to hell if we can ever truely "afford" them. When you do have the little brats your mind will whip into gear if you are a truly loving giving person. If selffish DO NOT BREED!!
I had one young you know she is 17 1/2 I should be home free in one more year NOT I had another 10yrs later who is now 7 1/2 that is okay I feel that I enjoy my younger one now more then my older one when she was at the same age. I am smarter inage more aware of things.
If you wait past 40 your screwed too old to help with grandbabies and too old to see great grandbabies think about the future generations and what will you be around to be apart of? Screw the old egg idea medical reasons unlike that would be an issue if someone has old rotten eggs they have been that way for some time not due to age.

NO GO my man make some Babies or at least have fun trying!!
Sorry but I have to disagree to some of your points. Those that wait are usually better off financially. The security this provides not to mention how much more time you can afford your children makes a lot of difference, also most marriages ending have something to do with money or the stress caused by the lack of it. Most that say have them young and you can never truely afford them, so why wait, are usually the ones whom did not take enough precautions and are now forced to deal with it. I am one of those myself, had I waited until I was a little older and wiser I would likely be still married and better off financially. My children would likely be better off as well. They are doing very well but have had to endure the trauma of divorce and seperate parrenting.
I am not saying wait til your one foot in the grave but established. School, career, then wife and kids. If you try it the other way, kids, wife......things are just more difficult.

So Evan, I believe you sir have done it in a way to give yourself and future wife and kids the best possability of a great stable and secure family. Now get to it already before your 90 ok!

Just my two cents. If I had it to do over......well only if I could request the same kids.
 
Old 12-04-2008, 05:25 AM   #14
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Evan, I think you are already doing what is ideal for "you". Being that you are working on yourself and life-goals financial/career-wise, is what will make you a great husband and father...when it presents itself in your future (whenever that comes about)
I agree with a lot of what Jeeperman said. Being in the utmost place in your life stability-wise both in finances and maturity/emotionally ready to completely care for a new human being that will look to you for all his/needs...these are the essentials in deciding on when you believe you are ready to have a family.
Everyone and every situation is unique of course. Age shouldn't be the top deciding factor by any means, but plays a huge role as it affects a myriad of scenarios. Just as there are people who aren't as equiped to having children young, there are equally as many who aren't equiped to having them older (if at all) ie. my younger sister. Married and divorced with no children thankfully, and she never will. Too selfish and career-minded, caring for someone else reliant on her would be disasterous for her offspring. She's the epitomy of who shouldn't rear children, and that's perfectly fine with her.
Im not sure if I answered any questions beyond making statements...from personal experience, I say you are on a good path that's right for you. Everything else will come about when it's meant to.
 
Old 12-04-2008, 06:04 AM   #15
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Being young, being older is not so much of an issue as are you ready to give up being first. When a child planned or unplanned comes along you give up the right to be first. Having children younger you have less patience and you may have a harder time coping but you have more energy. You also have more desire to go play like you used to. Nothing really prepares you for parenting. However children at an older age you give into easier, why because your more patient or you just don't want to fight the battle and there are a lot of battles. I have a brother 9 years younger than me the way the folks raised him and I were completely different, I turned out the best Bottom line children at whatever age are a blessing and a trial they are a big job and a priceless reward. Don't let age become a factor in having kids just be ready to give up being first in your life. I'm 50 and watch my 3 year old Grandson everyday is it a challenge yes, can I do it of course, am I tired without a doubt, would I give it up never. Your time will come and when it does your going to be a great parent
 
Old 12-04-2008, 08:43 AM   #16
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Wow, a lot of good points here. I do have to agree with the statement that no one is ever really "ready" for children. I watched my best friend have a child when he was 17, and I saw the child suffer because his parents still wanted to be teenagers and party and put their wants before the child's needs. My sister had her first child at 19 and my brother had his @ 21. The kids have been taken care of, but while they were busy raising children through there 20's, I was traveling the world. Vacationing, dating, enjoying life....which consequently is how I met my wife, while on vacation @ Harrison Hotsprings in Canada. We spent about 5 years together before having our first child. It was a great time for us to get to know each other, work on our relationship issues, and just generally enjoy each other with out the added stress of children. We will both be 31 in March and our son will be 6 months old. We are planning on have one more child and granted I will be in my 50's before the kids are outta the house, I feel that I will be a much better parent now, than I would have been 5 or 10 years ago. I am excited that I can offer my children more security and stability than my mother gave me. All that being said, I don't think their really is a right or wrong answer as all people are different and deal with things differently. My mom had an affair with a married man @ 18 and got me and I turned out fine....
 
Old 12-04-2008, 04:15 PM   #17
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I always feel a little strange having any kind of 'kid' conversation with anyone because I don't have any and don't plan on having any.

But I do have to say I don't think there is a wrong age... maybe a more responsible age (not a # but more a maturity level). I agree so much with Cstyle... being in your relationship a little while before kids seems to benefit many families I see. I know it did for mine. My parents were together 3 years and married almost 7 before having kids. Funny thing... mom wanted kids sooner but couldn't get pregnant, they stopped trying and here we came They did have the chance to, for lack of better words, stabilize their relationship and love. We have a very tight family and I think that has a lot to do with it. I also think because my parents weren't teens or in their early 20's that they never really went through the 'I need to be the cool/ best friend parent' that so many young (mostly) moms I see.
I am grateful for the those who think before they have kids. That really think of the life the child would have... not just how happy they would be with a child/ family. Decide that you are ready to set yourself aside for another who will rely solely on you for years. For those who don't... I have no words and things do happen.
 
Old 12-05-2008, 10:15 AM   #18
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sittin Pretty View Post
I am grateful for the those who think before they have kids. That really think of the life the child would have... not just how happy they would be with a child/ family. Decide that you are ready to set yourself aside for another who will rely solely on you for years. For those who don't... I have no words and things do happen.
Well stated.
 
Old 12-05-2008, 10:50 AM   #19
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I've noticed a disturbing trend related to this:
Many of the thoughtful, smart people (the ones who I think would raise awesome kids) are deciding not to have kids.
Many thoughtless idiots are breeding like rabbits.

This can't be good for our society.


Please note that in both cases I said many. By no means all. If you're participating in this thread, there's a good chance you're an exception to the generalizations above.
 
Old 12-05-2008, 12:14 PM   #20
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I have always joked that there should be a 'breeding license' much like a drivers license. Not sure how it would work.. but you would have to apply to have a baby. No clue how you would handle the 'oops' that happens, lord knows they do. For some reason just thought those crazy's out there popping out kids should be regulated.
The worst ones... those who have another kid to get a bigger welfare check... but that is a whole other discussion.
 
Old 12-05-2008, 12:26 PM   #21
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Interesting thread drift but the bottom line is having a kid scares the SHIT outta me. No I'm not breaking any news but the GF and I have been talking a lot about our future lately.

The whole thought of ME having a little one running around should scare the crap outta you people too. LOL
 
Old 12-05-2008, 12:37 PM   #22
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Much good advice above.
I must say that I was a teen mom, I gave up my life for my daughter and did not mind doing so it made me who I am today. I am a small % of what good could happen. I could take you to see my high school teenager mom group and 98% of them live poor and are on drugs. It is a personal life changing thing you take it on fully you go half ass or you don't at all.
The battles is correct man in raising children the issue with parenting today is that many many parents DO NOT fight the battles they just don't think it is worth it and let the kids walk all over them and they never know were the kid is. THAT IS LAZY and is why we have so many horriable teenagers and younger kids running around....damn they are the future and they have no training of work skills eithics an dresponsability to actions.

God save us and grant us parents that ive a damn to fight all the battles and not just focus on work all the time. AMEN!! LOL
 
Old 12-05-2008, 02:58 PM   #23
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Quote:
Originally Posted by evander View Post
Interesting thread drift but the bottom line is having a kid scares the SHIT outta me. No I'm not breaking any news but the GF and I have been talking a lot about our future lately.

The whole thought of ME having a little one running around should scare the crap outta you people too. LOL
can i ask something personal then? you don't have to answer it but this may help me out too....


if it scares you, yet
IF your SO were to get pregnant, would you want her to continue the pregnancy? Or do you let the fear get the better of you?
 
Old 12-07-2008, 11:07 PM   #24
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KaReBarE View Post
can i ask something personal then? you don't have to answer it but this may help me out too....


if it scares you, yet
IF your SO were to get pregnant, would you want her to continue the pregnancy? Or do you let the fear get the better of you?

Great question. I got to think about this all weekend. No way would I stop the pregnancy. I don't know "how" I would make it work but I know beyond a shadow of doubt that I will be a great father and I would make it work.
 
Old 12-08-2008, 11:54 AM   #25
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CForce View Post
I've noticed a disturbing trend related to this:
Many of the thoughtful, smart people (the ones who I think would raise awesome kids) are deciding not to have kids.
Many thoughtless idiots are breeding like rabbits.

This can't be good for our society.


Please note that in both cases I said many. By no means all. If you're participating in this thread, there's a good chance you're an exception to the generalizations above.
Ok here's some home work for everyone....watch the movie IDIOCRACY......it is exactly what you are talking about...youll thank me later.
 
Old 12-08-2008, 04:00 PM   #26
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Quote:
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Great question. I got to think about this all weekend. No way would I stop the pregnancy. I don't know "how" I would make it work but I know beyond a shadow of doubt that I will be a great father and I would make it work.
wow :') there ought to be more men like you.
 
Old 12-08-2008, 08:05 PM   #27
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Originally Posted by KaReBarE View Post
wow :') there ought to be more men like you.
Thank you.
 
Old 12-08-2008, 08:10 PM   #28
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I personally think one Evan is enough.
 
Old 12-08-2008, 08:46 PM   #29
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Quote:
Originally Posted by evander View Post
Interesting thread drift but the bottom line is having a kid scares the SHIT outta me. No I'm not breaking any news but the GF and I have been talking a lot about our future lately.

The whole thought of ME having a little one running around should scare the crap outta you people too. LOL
.

Last edited by Rockerchic; 12-08-2008 at 08:48 PM.
 
Old 12-08-2008, 08:48 PM   #30
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Washingtonblonde View Post
I personally think one Evan is enough.
I don't know him personally so you may be right
 
Old 12-08-2008, 10:39 PM   #31
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CStyle View Post
Ok here's some home work for everyone....watch the movie IDIOCRACY......it is exactly what you are talking about...youll thank me later.
dinnnnng

although a little crass at points.. it makes an interesting statement..


my thoughts
where i'm at i know there are more things i want to accomplish in the upcoming few years.. i know a kid will hamper that.. and i never want to say i wish i had... so... i will get those things done and out of my system (or grow away from them and not have to do them)

i will say that the "hormone train" is crazy... i was NOT the girl who wanted kids when she was little.. and pretended to be "mommy" with her dolls... but i hit about 23, 25,.. and i swear to god every time i see a kid i almost start lactating..l.. my body is responding in ways i never would have believed..

if i find someone amazing enough to share my life with and marry, or cohabitate with ... i would love to see us combined in one little person.. oh my how interesting that would be..

but its not a big issue... my mother had my half brother at 42.. he is 14 and yes she is 56.. i know the energy issue sometimes comes up for my parents.. they are less apt to want to go out and play ball or such with my brother... but he's not that "type" anyway.. would much rather sit in front of his engineering sets... so it worked out *shrug*..

so if it comes late... it does.. if it never comes at all.. like teash said.. theres plenty of kids out there that need good homes...

but the idea of my "own family" has been on my mind since the hormones starting raging..

damned estrogen and biological drive...
 
Old 12-09-2008, 10:17 AM   #32
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Quote:
Originally Posted by evander View Post
Great question. I got to think about this all weekend. No way would I stop the pregnancy. I don't know "how" I would make it work but I know beyond a shadow of doubt that I will be a great father and I would make it work.

The sad part though Evan..is if she wanted to stop the pregnancy there is not one thing you can do to stop it. Or, depending on the type person the "mother" is, she could make your life a complete and total living hell.
 
Old 12-09-2008, 10:30 AM   #33
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Quote:
Originally Posted by recr8ton View Post
The sad part though Evan..is if she wanted to stop the pregnancy there is not one thing you can do to stop it. Or, depending on the type person the "mother" is, she could make your life a complete and total living hell.
yeah true. OR, (for the woman) you get with this amazing guy you fall in love with, he tells you how amazing you are, and how having a child with you would be wonderful, then when it happens, he gets scared and would rather she aborts the baby.....
 
Old 12-09-2008, 10:32 AM   #34
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^^^that's true too...slippery slop for sure!
 
Old 12-09-2008, 10:46 AM   #35
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True true... seems like you can get 'talked' into something you think will be long lasting and rewarding to get slapped in the face. But I am hoping that isn't the majority.....
 
Old 12-09-2008, 11:03 AM   #36
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I’m at that point in life if I were to "accidently" conceive a child it wouldn't be about the mother or myself it would be about the new life in the world. I understand I would be forever linked to the mother. But I am mature enough to deal with difficulties that might arise. As long as I keep focused on what truly important to me, my family, all else will fall into place.
 
Old 12-09-2008, 01:34 PM   #37
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Quote:
Originally Posted by evander View Post
Iím at that point in life if I were to "accidently" conceive a child it wouldn't be about the mother or myself it would be about the new life in the world. I understand I would be forever linked to the mother. But I am mature enough to deal with difficulties that might arise. As long as I keep focused on what truly important to me, my family, all else will fall into place.
 
Old 12-16-2009, 11:51 AM   #38
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Theres a woman in Romania that gave birth at 60 last year
And I think if you gave George Burns or Hugh Heff the chance before they go (or went) I can see both of them getting to the occasion.

For me it was 18. ;)
 
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