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Old 11-17-2008, 09:06 PM   #1
miss-communicator
 
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I'm a Female
Living in spokane

Jealousy=Insecurity?

or vice versa?

I'm struggling with this- In friendships and relationships. I've always been pretty confident and secure in my own right, but I find I'm "shrinking" away from alot of relationships- especially those that involved me and a significant other. I hear his name or what "they" went and did and I feel hot red in the face and angry. Then a bit later I feel totally freakin stupid and petty and try and shake the feelin. I'd like to not have the feeling to begin with.
 
Old 11-17-2008, 09:12 PM   #2
pees standing up
 
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I'm a Chicky-poo
Living in a hole

my jealousy is insecurity with myself and not the relationship itself. i devalue myself a lot and think that someone more attractive will come along and he'll want to be with her rather than me and i get all stupid and upset. i'm pretty good at keeping it to myself, but i have no idea how it really affects the other half. this last time i felt pretty secure and i don't think i got jealous much at all until near the end when i knew things were headed to splitsville. then all my jealousy and anger came out and ended up being placed on him for no reason at all. which i really hate that that happened since there's nothing but tension between us now.
 
Old 11-17-2008, 09:43 PM   #3
shaken, not stirred!
 
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I'm a Lady
Living in Amsterdam, Netherlands

my insecurity causes jealousy.. Its a disease..
 
Old 11-17-2008, 11:39 PM   #4
PNW Love Member
 
I'm a Dude
Living in somewhere

Quote:
Originally Posted by martini View Post
my insecurity causes jealousy..

Sadly with most girls I see this....
 
Old 11-18-2008, 07:23 AM   #5
PNW Love Senior
 
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I'm a Chicky-poo
Living in South End

Quote:
Originally Posted by martini View Post
my insecurity causes jealousy.. Its a disease..
I agree... me too.... It is hard to get away from. Getting past the insecurities you have about yourself is hard. But if you can try to except them and grow from them... maybe that will help.
I do think some jealousy is healthy. With a partner, I think, reminds them you know you can loose them and don't want to.... that is if the jealousy doesn't turn into a horrible 'game' to feed your insecurities. I have seen so many girls do that.
 
Old 11-18-2008, 07:45 AM   #6
~Messy Baby~
 
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I'm a Chicky-poo
Living in my own reality....

This is an interesting topic.

I am by nature a fairly confident person. I however felt extremely insecure in my last long term relationship, which in turn lead to being jealous of those he was nice to, and it wasn't because of how I felt about myself, initially. Its how he made me feel. He seemed to have thought that I was lucky to have been with him And was ALWAYS telling me things I should change about myself. Tho he was perfect....right.

Cut forward two years, I finally realized that I actually really liked myself and stopped caring what he thought of me, or how I rated next to some girl I could careless about.....and the funny thing is, as soon as I did that, I realized he had no worth to me and I didn't need him, as soon as I realized this and was ready to move on, suddenly he thought I was the best thing ever...too late.

I won't ever let anyone make me feel as insecure as he did, was a good lesson for me, cause I pretty much rock and anyone that doesn't get that, too freaking bad Take me as I am, or don't take me at all. I will not settle or change the awesome person that I am.

RC you rock, be proud of who you are (which I think you are). We are not all perfect and I think it's natural to have a bit of jealousy or whatnot...just don't let it deter you from having relationships or experiencing what life has to offer. As you stated, you realized later that it was petty, eventually when you feel the jealousy come on, the rational will kick in quicker each time if you recognize it right off the bat and eventually you will realize, there's no need. I usually ask myself now, "why are you jealous" and if it's something I can control, I change it, if it's not, let it go, lifes too short.

Last edited by TeashaMae; 11-18-2008 at 07:47 AM.
 
Old 11-18-2008, 07:46 AM   #7
~Messy Baby~
 
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I'm a Chicky-poo
Living in my own reality....

^^^^Gesh, write a novel will ya
 
Old 11-18-2008, 08:05 AM   #8
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I'm a Chicky-poo
Living in South End

Quote:
Originally Posted by TeashaMae View Post
This is an interesting topic.

I won't ever let anyone make me feel as insecure as he did, was a good lesson for me, cause I pretty much rock and anyone that doesn't get that, too freaking bad Take me as I am, or don't take me at all. I will not settle or change the awesome person that I am.
Good for you! I think many women have a hard time (don't know why... we are wired that way I guess) to see that they are a great person and don't need to be put in relationships that don't bring their greatness to light.

My quote for the day.... "Lend yourself to others, but give yourself to yourself." ~Michel de Montaigne
 
Old 11-18-2008, 09:22 AM   #9
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I'm a Guy
Living in Lunatic Fringe

Why do people stay friends with ex's? It didn't work out, move on and away from that person.
 
Old 11-18-2008, 10:30 AM   #10
So Amazingly Happy
 
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I'm a Lady
Living in Lacey, WA

I have a lot of insecurities in my physical appearance.. but that doesn’t carry over into jealousy for me. I am secure in my relationships with s/o’s, family and friends. And I also find myself drawn to people that experience that same security. Jealousy is a NASTY little thing. I really don’t have room for it.
 
Old 11-18-2008, 10:39 AM   #11
So Amazingly Happy
 
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I'm a Lady
Living in Lacey, WA

Quote:
Originally Posted by epiphany View Post
Why do people stay friends with ex's? It didn't work out, move on and away from that person.
Who said that just because two people didn’t work out romantically that they shouldn’t have any type of relationship at all? I personally like staying in contact with my ex’s.. although not all of them feel the same way.

For me… If I were dating someone that had remained friends with an ex, I would look at it in a positive manner.. more or less as a reference saying ‘Hey, this dude is pretty awesome if his ex values him enough to keep him in her life”.

But.. I will say this.. If I think they are ‘too close’ then I’d probably have to take a good hard look at it. I certainly wouldn’t throw out an ultimatum.. but would probably start to distance myself in an act to protect myself.
 
Old 11-18-2008, 12:58 PM   #12
Awesome.
 
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I'm a Dude
Living in Seattle

Quote:
Originally Posted by epiphany View Post
Why do people stay friends with ex's? It didn't work out, move on and away from that person.
one of my best friends is an ex. sure it didn't work out but I know and trust her. that shit is hard to come by.
 
Old 11-18-2008, 01:00 PM   #13
Awesome.
 
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I'm a Dude
Living in Seattle

Quote:
Originally Posted by TeashaMae View Post
^^^^Gesh, write a novel will ya
yeah really, let's make fun of her, point & laugh.
 
Old 11-18-2008, 01:00 PM   #14
PNW Love Sophomore
 
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I'm a Girl
Living in Kennewick

Quote:
Originally Posted by epiphany View Post
Why do people stay friends with ex's? It didn't work out, move on and away from that person.
!!!
 
Old 11-18-2008, 01:03 PM   #15
~Messy Baby~
 
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I'm a Chicky-poo
Living in my own reality....

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cooley View Post
one of my best friends is an ex. sure it didn't work out but I know and trust her. that shit is hard to come by.
One of my very best friends is also an ex from ummmmm 10 years ago. He is the one person I can go to and ask advice and he'll give me a no bull, straight up answer/advice about absolutely anything at all, he just knows me really well (probably better than myself) and I know that I can always count on him.

But he's the only one, the others I'd rather stab in the eye than be friends with them.
 
Old 11-18-2008, 01:26 PM   #16
Awesome.
 
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I'm a Dude
Living in Seattle

Quote:
Originally Posted by TeashaMae View Post
the others I'd rather stab in the eye than be friends with them.
That's a cute image ...
 
Old 11-18-2008, 01:27 PM   #17
~Messy Baby~
 
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I'm a Chicky-poo
Living in my own reality....

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cooley View Post
That's a cute image ...
Don't think I wouldn't either
 
Old 11-18-2008, 06:35 PM   #18
Awesome.
 
Cooley's Avatar
 
I'm a Dude
Living in Seattle

Quote:
Originally Posted by TeashaMae View Post
Don't think I wouldn't either
that's hawt.
 
Old 11-19-2008, 11:14 AM   #19
FLOOR SWEEPER
 
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I'm a Male
Living in spokane

RC,
I think that those are very real and normal feelings that you are experiencing. It takes time to get over that person that you had opened your heart to and then you see or hear that person doing the same thing with someone else??? Man that hurts! That is why I think we guard our heart sooooo much in new relationships, So much so that we never let the new one's get off of the ground. Hang in there, Time heals all. B.T.W......Did I mention that love sucks?
 
Old 12-09-2008, 08:00 PM   #20
miss-communicator
 
Rockerchic's Avatar
 
I'm a Female
Living in spokane

Quote:
Originally Posted by JJ100 View Post
RC,
I think that those are very real and normal feelings that you are experiencing. It takes time to get over that person that you had opened your heart to and then you see or hear that person doing the same thing with someone else??? Man that hurts! That is why I think we guard our heart sooooo much in new relationships, So much so that we never let the new one's get off of the ground. Hang in there, Time heals all. B.T.W......Did I mention that love sucks?
Just saw ur post-
Thank you, I needed to read that today more than ever.
 
Old 12-09-2008, 09:03 PM   #21
Use it, or Lose it.
 
Clackamas's Avatar
 
I'm a Guy
Living in Seattle, WA [Queen Anne]

It can be about control too.
 
Old 12-09-2008, 09:12 PM   #22
is on lifes journey
 
evander's Avatar
 
I'm a Guy
Living in Spokane and loving it
Looking for Conversation
Humor is Raunchy
Have a Unique fashion style

Quote:
Originally Posted by Clackamas View Post
It can be about control too.
yep
 
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