How do you forgive and forget?

KaReBarE · 10-31-2008, 11:48 AM

How do you "let go" of a bad past relationship? When you find yourself so deeply in love with someone, but fear that it may end up like a previous relationship, how do you not have doubts that they will cheat or lie or hurt you (emotionally) ? I know there's no real way to tell for sure that it wont end bad, but when it starts to effect your new relationship, how do you mentally move past it?

Plummy · 10-31-2008, 11:57 AM

Stab him.

It's the only way, I'm afraid.

Qtip · 10-31-2008, 12:45 PM

This has been a big problem for me. After a really bad relationship that screwed me up it caused problems in the next few relationships I had. The doubts and feelings for me at least have never gone away and it takes a conscious decision not to compare my current relationship with the one that hurt me. Sometimes I succeed, sometimes I fail. Even though I've used the bad relationship as a personal growing point I think the doubts or concerns will only fade with time if ever.

Oxygen · 10-31-2008, 12:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Qtip

Even though I've used the bad relationship as a personal growing point

I like to look at bad (or just failed) relationships as a learning experience...what works, what doesn't work etc. Yeah, they suck, and it hurts, but look at the other end of the spectrum. You can't expect change (or a better future relationship) if you keep doing the same things expecting different results.

Also, if you haven't had a rough relationship or two, how will you know to cherish and appreciate the good ones?

wingman · 10-31-2008, 01:20 PM

It's different for everyone. But, based on personal experiences, I believe forgiving is easier than forgetting.

Washingtonblonde · 10-31-2008, 01:28 PM

I hope I haven't been that damaged. I pretty much assume the best of people and offer up my trust instantly - then from there if you lose my trust it's from your own damage..... if that makes sense.. I recently spent some time with my dad and found out he's the same way.

MrsD · 11-01-2008, 06:47 AM

Always forgive others and yourself, never forget or your giving up the lesson you have learned. Trust has to be earned, but don't judge others by someone else's actions. You would not want someone judging you by what someone else did to them. The chance of getting hurt is always out there, you have to decide if its worth the risk. I had to learn this the hard way. Don't let good things pass you by because of a former bad experience. If you do, then your letting them have control over you even though there long gone.

dizzle · 11-01-2008, 09:50 AM

every person is different .. they're not the ex .. don't hold what the ex did to you over there head.

KaReBarE · 11-01-2008, 12:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MrsD

Always forgive others and yourself, never forget or your giving up the lesson you have learned. Trust has to be earned, but don't judge others by someone else's actions. You would not want someone judging you by what someone else did to them. The chance of getting hurt is always out there, you have to decide if its worth the risk. I had to learn this the hard way. Don't let good things pass you by because of a former bad experience. If you do, then your letting them have control over you even though there long gone.

Quote:

Originally Posted by dizzle

every person is different .. they're not the ex .. don't hold what the ex did to you over there head.

so true...thanks...!!

Bikenut · 11-01-2008, 01:11 PM

best advice - you need to FORGET to FORGIVE. Otherwise, it's all just useless baggage waiting to spring open.

KaReBarE · 11-01-2008, 01:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bikenut

best advice - you need to FORGET to FORGIVE. Otherwise, it's all just useless baggage waiting to spring open.

how do you forget before you forgive? if it's not forgiven isnt it just a grudge your carrying around? unless you mean a rebound relationship, someone just to occupy time with to not think of someone else? I couldnt do that, use someone that way.

Bikenut · 11-01-2008, 04:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KaReBarE

how do you forget before you forgive? if it's not forgiven isnt it just a grudge your carrying around? unless you mean a rebound relationship, someone just to occupy time with to not think of someone else? I couldnt do that, use someone that way.

well, you need to get things in focus. You have to make the CHOICE not to live in the past. Yes, easier said than done, but doable. Your past is a part of WHO you are NOT WHAT you are. Does that make sense? Grudges = vengance. I've always found if you carry vegance and hate in your heart, there is little room for love and compassion. We all make the choice of what we choose to carry. A big part of forgetting is living in the present, not in the past. Do you want to think about things that HAVE happened or DO you want to dwell on things that can make happen. Either choice will have a huge impact on where you end up.

KaReBarE · 11-02-2008, 03:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bikenut

well, you need to get things in focus. You have to make the CHOICE not to live in the past. Yes, easier said than done, but doable. Your past is a part of WHO you are NOT WHAT you are. Does that make sense? Grudges = vengance. I've always found if you carry vegance and hate in your heart, there is little room for love and compassion. We all make the choice of what we choose to carry. A big part of forgetting is living in the present, not in the past. Do you want to think about things that HAVE happened or DO you want to dwell on things that can make happen. Either choice will have a huge impact on where you end up.

Thanks!

.....well said....

dizzle · 11-02-2008, 07:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bikenut

well, you need to get things in focus. You have to make the CHOICE not to live in the past. Yes, easier said than done, but doable. Your past is a part of WHO you are NOT WHAT you are. Does that make sense? Grudges = vengance. I've always found if you carry vegance and hate in your heart, there is little room for love and compassion. We all make the choice of what we choose to carry. A big part of forgetting is living in the present, not in the past. Do you want to think about things that HAVE happened or DO you want to dwell on things that can make happen. Either choice will have a huge impact on where you end up.

you know for an old hag, you're pretty smart.

as a younger person, it's still hard to forgive and forget what someone did to you. A lot of people tend to make it sound like you can do it in less then a 12 month time frame, but also a lot of older folk say it takes years for you to be able to get over what someone did to you.

Bikenut · 11-02-2008, 08:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dizzle

you know for an old hag, you're pretty smart.

as a younger person, it's still hard to forgive and forget what someone did to you. A lot of people tend to make it sound like you can do it in less then a 12 month time frame, but also a lot of older folk say it takes years for you to be able to get over what someone did to you.

the saggy ass didn't come by INexperiece

12 months is a ruse. Take the hurt, tuck it away. You'll probably need it another day. When someone tries the same shit with ya, you whip that shit out like a get out jail free card.

dizzle · 11-02-2008, 09:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bikenut

the saggy ass didn't come by INexperiece

12 months is a ruse. Take the hurt, tuck it away. You'll probably need it another day. When someone tries the same shit with ya, you whip that shit out like a get out jail free card.

sadly i can picture you saying this whole entire thing in person with a cigarette in one hand, an alcoholic beverage in the other, and a little dirty twinkle in your eye like you're gonna rape the next male specie that walks by.

Mikercw · 11-02-2008, 09:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dizzle

and a little dirty twinkle in your eye like you're gonna rape the next male specie that walks by.

qft!

Bikenut · 11-04-2008, 09:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dizzle

sadly i can picture you saying this whole entire thing in person with a cigarette in one hand, an alcoholic beverage in the other, and a little dirty twinkle in your eye like you're gonna rape the next male specie that walks by.

well...sometimes that's how ya get over it

Thanks for making my point

BTW, could you refill my wine glass and give me a light

dizzle · 11-04-2008, 10:11 PM

gladly.

only if you grab my ass and jump into my arms and start humping me.

oh man, i'm all flustered now.

10-31-2008, 11:48 AM	#1
KaReBarE PNW Love Sophomore I'm a Girl Living in Kennewick	How do you forgive and forget? How do you "let go" of a bad past relationship? When you find yourself so deeply in love with someone, but fear that it may end up like a previous relationship, how do you not have doubts that they will cheat or lie or hurt you (emotionally) ? I know there's no real way to tell for sure that it wont end bad, but when it starts to effect your new relationship, how do you mentally move past it?

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10-31-2008, 11:57 AM	#2
Plummy pees standing up I'm a Chicky-poo Living in a hole	Stab him. It's the only way, I'm afraid.

10-31-2008, 12:45 PM	#3
Qtip Engineer of the Love Boat I'm a Guy Living in One in Washington Blog Entries: 2	This has been a big problem for me. After a really bad relationship that screwed me up it caused problems in the next few relationships I had. The doubts and feelings for me at least have never gone away and it takes a conscious decision not to compare my current relationship with the one that hurt me. Sometimes I succeed, sometimes I fail. Even though I've used the bad relationship as a personal growing point I think the doubts or concerns will only fade with time if ever.

10-31-2008, 01:20 PM	#5
wingman Thread Creator I'm a Gentleman Living in spokane	It's different for everyone. But, based on personal experiences, I believe forgiving is easier than forgetting.

10-31-2008, 01:28 PM	#6
Washingtonblonde So Amazingly Happy I'm a Lady Living in Lacey, WA	I hope I haven't been that damaged. I pretty much assume the best of people and offer up my trust instantly - then from there if you lose my trust it's from your own damage..... if that makes sense.. I recently spent some time with my dad and found out he's the same way.

11-01-2008, 06:47 AM	#7
MrsD Married and then some. I'm a Female Living in Crazytown Looking for Conversation Humor is Goofy Have a Unique fashion style Blog Entries: 5	Always forgive others and yourself, never forget or your giving up the lesson you have learned. Trust has to be earned, but don't judge others by someone else's actions. You would not want someone judging you by what someone else did to them. The chance of getting hurt is always out there, you have to decide if its worth the risk. I had to learn this the hard way. Don't let good things pass you by because of a former bad experience. If you do, then your letting them have control over you even though there long gone.

11-01-2008, 09:50 AM	#8
dizzle Surprize! I'm a Dude Living in Newcastle Looking for Networking Interested in Women Humor is Clever/Quick-witted Have a Trendy fashion style	every person is different .. they're not the ex .. don't hold what the ex did to you over there head.

11-01-2008, 01:11 PM	#10
Bikenut Litte Mary Sunshine I'm a Girl Living in just this of side of hell	best advice - you need to FORGET to FORGIVE. Otherwise, it's all just useless baggage waiting to spring open.

11-04-2008, 10:11 PM	#19
dizzle Surprize! I'm a Dude Living in Newcastle Looking for Networking Interested in Women Humor is Clever/Quick-witted Have a Trendy fashion style	gladly. only if you grab my ass and jump into my arms and start humping me. oh man, i'm all flustered now.