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Old 10-27-2008, 12:45 PM   #1
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Marry?

Would you seriously date someone who you knew you didn't want to marry?
 
Old 10-27-2008, 12:50 PM   #2
miss-communicator
 
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nope, not anymore. I enjoyed being married, and am looking for the right person with the same goals to be with for the rest of my life....before, I was kinda like go with the flow- no need to talk the "m" word...but this last time, its the first thing I mentioned. Why waste your time or someone elses?
 
Old 10-27-2008, 12:53 PM   #3
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No. I consider dating a preparation/test for marriage. My time is too valuable, and I would imagine the man feels the same way about his, to waste it with someone that I know hasn't got a chance. Not to mention it's just mean to date someone you know you're not interested in.
 
Old 10-27-2008, 02:53 PM   #4
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I'm not out there date the "person" I'm going to marry. I wouldn't know offhand that the person I'm interested in at the time would have all the characteristics for the marrying type. I don't don't even think I know what I'm looking for just yet anyhow. Besides, the relationship needs to be built up, the trust, and everything else before I even think about marriage. It's definitely not the first thing that comes to mind when I'm interested in someone.
 
Old 10-27-2008, 03:46 PM   #5
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I would CASUALLY date someone that I knew I didn't want to marry. But I wouldn't tie myself down making myself unavailable if the right person were to come my way.
 
Old 10-27-2008, 03:51 PM   #6
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Why does everyone think you have to get married to have that true committed relationship, it's a piece of paper for crying out loud. For those about to say, it's about making a commitment infront of those you care about, you can still do that without it. Yes I would date someone that had zero plans on marriage, since I have the same feelings about it.
 
Old 10-27-2008, 03:54 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Qtip View Post
Why does everyone think you have to get married to have that true committed relationship, it's a piece of paper for crying out loud.
hmmm....good point. I have never thought of it that way.
 
Old 10-27-2008, 03:56 PM   #8
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Well.. for myself.. Marriage means family. But then again, I have kids. I would never move in with a guy if marriage wasn't in the plans.
 
Old 10-27-2008, 03:59 PM   #9
miss-communicator
 
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I can have the same committment with or with out the peice of paper. BUT, I'm kinda proud to introduce my husband. And that's just me.
 
Old 10-27-2008, 04:14 PM   #10
tellyourhotfriendtocallme
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rockerchic View Post
I can have the same committment with or with out the peice of paper. BUT, I'm kinda proud to introduce my husband. And that's just me.
My mom has been with the same man (not my dad) for 21 years and they've never been married. They have both did not want to remarry, but here they are 21 years later and STILL happy with one another. They still call each other "husband/wife"... and I consider him my step-dad. A piece of paper wouldn't have made a difference in their case.

----
I don't want to get married... I just want to live in sin.
 
Old 10-27-2008, 04:18 PM   #11
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I don't think the piece of paper should be the determining factor for your fidelity and commitment anyway; that should go unsaid if you truly love who you are with. Besides, it's not a guaranty she'll carry your name anyway! LOL
 
Old 10-28-2008, 07:51 AM   #12
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I completely agree with the fact that signing a piece of paper in no way makes or breaks a relationship. People who think that getting married will solve their infedility issues or be the commitment that they need to make in order for their relationship to work are just as delusional as those people who think having a child is going to solve their relationship problems.

If your relationship isn't working now, getting married is not going to solve anything. The other part of that is the fact that as long as two people are not married they know deep down that they can walk away at any time.

I personally made the choice that want to have a family, a wife, children and I pursued a person with the same values and goals. Is my life perfect, no, did I go into my marriage and parenthood for the right reasons, I think so.

I don't think it really matters what people do, as long as they are honest with themselves about why they are doing it.
 
Old 10-28-2008, 08:31 AM   #13
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I can't answer this question objectively at this point in my life.

A couple years ago (and prior to that point), the answer would have been 100% yes. The woman would have been put into the "friend" category and that would have been that.

Nowadays... I don't know what to think anymore. I'm not one of those selfish pricks that dates just to "not be single", but I can't say that everyone I've dated in the past 6 months or so has been marriage material. But... I am single currently, so take for what you will...
 
Old 10-28-2008, 09:20 AM   #14
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No, I would not seriously date someone if I absolutely knew I did not want to spend the rest of my life with him. I agree that paper is paper, and a marriage license doesn't necessarily make a relationship any more solid. But, I also know what I want. I'm interested in a monogamous, committed life-time partnership, paper or not. If I'm certain I don't want to spend the rest of my life with some dude, I'm not going to conduct a serious relationship with him or lead him to think it's serious. I don't want to waste his time, or mine.
 
Old 10-28-2008, 03:12 PM   #15
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ok - here goes...my first post. Why not. Granted, you could be putting yourself out on eharmony but think about all the time lost spending it with someone you really enjoy being with, all the while, sitting around waiting for someone you 'might' like. Live for the freakin day. And as far as marriage. I agree. It's a piece of freakin paper. I don't believe in paper. Just cuz my gay freinds are'nt legally married doesn't take ANYTHING away from their commitment. How'd I do?
 
Old 10-28-2008, 03:30 PM   #16
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bikenut View Post
ok - here goes...my first post. Why not. Granted, you could be putting yourself out on eharmony but think about all the time lost spending it with someone you really enjoy being with, all the while, sitting around waiting for someone you 'might' like. Live for the freakin day. And as far as marriage. I agree. It's a piece of freakin paper. I don't believe in paper. Just cuz my gay freinds are'nt legally married doesn't take ANYTHING away from their commitment. How'd I do?
So it's like EDO (Equal Dating Opportunity). Why not? I'm all for it. It's not that you don't want to be single, but there is also nothing wrong with being with someone who makes you feel good about yourself and who makes you happy; you can only learn from the experience. I can't say that of all the guys I've dated, that I'd even consider them marriage material anyway. It was either far from the mind or it was too soon to make a determination on whether or not they were the type of person I would spend my life with.
 
Old 10-28-2008, 04:35 PM   #17
Litte Mary Sunshine
 
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My thinking..if you are ONLY gunna date people you MIGHT marry - have a nice lonesome life. Some of my BEST experiences have been from men I had NO intention of marrying. People need to stop wanting perfection. Your either alive or living.
 
Old 10-28-2008, 04:40 PM   #18
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I would date someone I enjoyed being around. Getting married is not what I'm looking for when I'm liking someone. And who knows, maybe I'll endup finding someone I wanna tie the knot with along the way, but how am I gonna know if I wanna get married to someone if I don't date them first???
 
Old 10-28-2008, 04:54 PM   #19
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cooley View Post
I would date someone I enjoyed being around. Getting married is not what I'm looking for when I'm liking someone. And who knows, maybe I'll endup finding someone I wanna tie the knot with along the way, but how am I gonna know if I wanna get married to someone if I don't date them first???
I think he more or less meant would you date someone KNOWING that they aren't marriage material.... Like a hooker.
 
Old 10-28-2008, 05:05 PM   #20
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Washingtonblonde View Post
I think he more or less meant would you date someone KNOWING that they aren't marriage material.... Like a hooker.
What's wrong with hookers? I'm friends with Juice Box, you and Nathan (pick one of them) and that's worked out great so far!

lol, I should maybe have read the first post... me =

But still, even a hooker has feelings.. just not in their loins anymore.. and maybe, just maybe they would be the one. I guess I wouldn't have said that until I was friends with bunches of strippers, they changed me mind... a little.

all that being said. I'm with the marriage is a piece of paper thing, not too caring one way or the other. (Now I wanna say something something political, measure 8 we got a hot topics section???)
 
Old 10-28-2008, 05:09 PM   #21
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What's the point in dating them if you know for a fact that it could never go beyond that? Cut your losses and move on.

"Beyond that" should mean beyond casual dating; committed relationship or marriage as you might prefer.
 
Old 10-28-2008, 08:15 PM   #22
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In a marriage you give your word to love, honor, respect, support/take care of your SO...just to name a few. The marriage license is a legal contract that has nothing to do with any of those promises or giving your word. It simply secures the couples legal rights and benefits. If you go into every relationship with the expectation of it ending with marriage you're gonna be a wreck. With that, live, love and try to be the very best person you can be with no expectations.
 
Old 10-30-2008, 02:54 PM   #23
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Living in seattle,wa

i was in a 15 year relationship that i knew going into would not result in marriage. at first i has some issues with it. but i quickly realized that it worked really well for both of us. would we still be together today if we had married? would it have changed the outcome? i have no idea.
 
Old 10-30-2008, 03:13 PM   #24
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Qtip View Post
Why does everyone think you have to get married to have that true committed relationship, it's a piece of paper for crying out loud. For those about to say, it's about making a commitment infront of those you care about, you can still do that without it. Yes I would date someone that had zero plans on marriage, since I have the same feelings about it.
Could not have said it better myself.

And this does not take away from the fact that I have a hard time thinking I'll ever get married, but why would you not date someone you liked being around because you can't see yourself getting married to them (I've learned a lot from people I didn't think I would even consider dating)? People and the way they make other people feel sometimes change the mind (and I'm not saying, they hound you about it til you give in)....I never really wanted to have kids, but met someone (in my past) that made me change my mind and actually think about it....just depends on the person and how much of an affect they have on you.

Last edited by TeashaMae; 10-30-2008 at 03:24 PM.
 
Old 11-02-2008, 05:58 PM   #25
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Yes

And not just because of marriage. I agree its just a piece of paper and no way does it guarantee he or she wont cheat or you wont divorce.

But for a committed long term healthy relationship, I wouldn't drag it out. If I start to know the person isnt right for me, I will let it go. Of course unfortunately I've been blindsighted sometimes and thought someone had potential, when it turned out they didnt, or didnt see me that way. Life goes on

Casually sure..
but at this point I've come to the conclusion I will not "seriously" date anyone, unless he's pretty much the "one". I will take the casual dating effort to try and figure that out, and if hes not, then I will cut my losses.. but I know what I want and need, and dont see the point in trying for a serious relationship if thats not possible
 
Old 11-02-2008, 06:39 PM   #26
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Qtip View Post
Why does everyone think you have to get married to have that true committed relationship, it's a piece of paper for crying out loud. For those about to say, it's about making a commitment infront of those you care about, you can still do that without it. Yes I would date someone that had zero plans on marriage, since I have the same feelings about it.


With how long I've been single now and so used to it being my daughter and I only... & it's hard enough to find someone I'm compatible with much less if they mesh with my daughter and agree on parenting issues, finances, blah blah blah... hell yes I'd date someone knowing I won't marry them. As long as my daughter is under my roof, I doubt I'll ever live with a guy, much less get married again.

I'd love to have just one guy to spend intimate time with, cook for, go out with, weekend get-a-way's, spoil how ever I can... he can keep me without marrying me... I'm only good as a part time girlfriend.
 
Old 11-03-2008, 10:32 PM   #27
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marriage is over rated anyway.

i only like weddings just to dance.
 
Old 11-03-2008, 10:34 PM   #28
At Banned Camp
 
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liar...you go for the cake
 
Old 11-03-2008, 10:38 PM   #29
Surprize!
 
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only if it's white cake with chocolate filling.
 
Old 11-04-2008, 07:47 PM   #30
The Doctor Is In
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JuiceBox View Post
liar...you go for the cake
OMG I almost fell out of my chair
 
Old 11-04-2008, 10:21 PM   #31
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I'm retracting my statement. Yes. I'm tired of holding out for marriage material.. feel like I'm missing out on so much....
 
Old 11-04-2008, 10:23 PM   #32
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weddings are fun.

all the single ladies with hormones flowing because they wanna be "that" girl.

oh man, plus throw in the tango and some sexy moves and it's just a mixture of bad stuff.

love it!
 
Old 11-04-2008, 10:24 PM   #33
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dizzle View Post
weddings are fun.

all the single ladies with hormones flowing because they wanna be "that" girl.

oh man, plus throw in the tango and some sexy moves and it's just a mixture of bad stuff.

love it!
Haha.. the last wedding I went to I met a dude named Mario..

.. and as I recall.... Hormones were certainly flying...
 
Old 11-04-2008, 10:25 PM   #34
Surprize!
 
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i work with a guy who i call rico suave.

that guy will make a woman drop her panties just by looking at her.

i want what he's got.
 
Old 11-04-2008, 10:26 PM   #35
miss-communicator
 
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Living in spokane

i guess to me, its during "dating" that we go thru the discovery process. But during that process I would probably be finding out if we had the same long term goals. I guess when we cross that path, then I'd decide what to do....


i hope that made sense....
 
Old 11-04-2008, 10:27 PM   #36
Awesome.
 
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Living in Seattle

Quote:
Originally Posted by dizzle View Post
weddings are fun.

all the single ladies with hormones flowing because they wanna be "that" girl.

oh man, plus throw in the tango and some sexy moves and it's just a mixture of bad stuff.

love it!


it's kinda too true.
 
Old 11-04-2008, 10:28 PM   #37
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cooley View Post


it's kinda too true.
i speak the truth my friend.

oh, and roofies help too.
 
Old 11-04-2008, 10:29 PM   #38
Awesome.
 
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Living in Seattle

Quote:
Originally Posted by Washingtonblonde View Post
I'm retracting my statement. Yes. I'm tired of holding out for marriage material.. feel like I'm missing out on so much....
 
Old 11-04-2008, 10:32 PM   #39
So Amazingly Happy
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cooley View Post
You too, huh?
 
Old 11-04-2008, 11:49 PM   #40
Awesome.
 
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Living in Seattle

Quote:
Originally Posted by Washingtonblonde View Post
You too, huh?
ah...
 
Old 11-06-2008, 02:37 PM   #41
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Yes

As long as both people are getting what they want or need out of the relationship and are open and honest about those wants, needs, and thier future why not let the relationship run it's course?
 
Old 08-18-2009, 03:36 PM   #42
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everytime I date, I give the no marriage talk. Usually date 3. Saying it on date 1 is just like proposing on date 1 ! I aint the marrying kind, some are ok with it, some arent. It cuts through the shiat fast. the no kid bomb is dropped at the same time.

there should be a revolving door at my bedroom!
 
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