Idle fucking hands.. Or minds?

joren · 12-09-2011, 09:47 PM

This winter has me very down, I need to be out on the road. I need better gear. But that's not the point of this post, the point is an ex, who has been a bff now for quite some time.

The girl in question was my girlfriend of 3 or so years back in high school. We had a lovely relationship, and thought we would get married one day (someone proposed, I forget exactly who.) We ended up breaking up due to either me or both of us thinking that we where just being co-dependent. We've both moved on, had relationships, loss, etc, but throughout it we've stayed in touch.
I've had a hard time with her telling me about her relationships; but I've kept her in my life, as she's wonderful to have in my life. I've told her I have a hard time with her telling me about her boyfriends, etc, and for the most part, she hasn't said anything for quite a while now (apart from recently saying she too gets cranky when she hasn't gotten laid (as a reply to a text saying "I'm good, apart from not being able to ride my mistress."))

ANYways, all that being said, we've been hanging out more often these days, and I've been more and more thinking about her and wanting her back. My hart sinks after I drop her off at home, and I'm left out in the cold, and sleeping alone. It tingles when she gives me a back rub, or when I give her a foot rub. I've mentioned in passing (probably almost a year ago) that we should maybe get back together, but she sort of shrugged it off. I find myself wanting to spend every day with her these days though.

After reading a few of the "self help" sales mumbo jumbo, I'm realizing I might be doing our relationship harm. I buy her things, pay for dinner all the time, bend over backwards for her at time, and what I get in return is some companionship and backrubs. (read like hanging out once a week ish) I also put on my beset face possible. I've issues, some of which I'm sure she knows about, some of which I hide, I'm not sure if that's relevant.

Should I just keep going with the way things are? Should I tell her how I feel and see if it's reciprocated? Should I learn to dance tango and wow her? (she's a supper good tango dancer, though I probably couldn't learn without making ripples in the local tango scene.) Should I show her this post?
She cares about me, allot, and shows it, but I need more. I need a partner. (that sounds very co-dependent, but I'm sure it's how we're wired

)
I want to share all the magic I've found with my moto with someone special to me. I want to have someone to cuddle with through these LONG AS FUCKING WINTERS

/me sulks off to sleep (hopefully)

joren · 12-09-2011, 09:54 PM

That other girl from a few months ago turned out to be bat shit crazy btw. (not that I probably didn't already know that) She moved to Florida for someone she met on okc and the first night she got there she got black out drunk and peed on his couch. Women are AWESOME, no?

joren · 12-09-2011, 09:56 PM

also, it's been around 7 years since we broke up... I'm getting fucking old.

joren · 12-09-2011, 10:12 PM

Should I just immerse myself in projects and in bettering myself? I do want a sail boat, that would be a gigantic project, but whenever I think about it, I imagine "her" sailing the world with me.

joren · 12-11-2011, 01:02 AM

I talked to her, and she has no interest. Can this thread be deleted somehow?

MrsD · 12-14-2011, 01:01 PM

Oh wow I haven't been on the boat for awhile hard to believe I know. LOL I'm sorry and like the old saying goes why buy the cow when the milks free. Just like most guys girls want either what they can't have or what they think they might loose. You can't show all your cards ever ! I don't understand co-dependant most relationships are to a point I think. I never really seen it as a bad thing. As harsh as this sounds you need some new journeys in life new projects, new desires and new women so then you can find the new you

One who is not stuck in desires of an old flame..winter does suck by the way.. for me Thank God for snowmobiles or my hubby would go crazy...so learn to Sail. The sea is a mistress herself she will excite, calm and frighten you just be safe she can also be a mean bitch. Maybe you will sail the rivers whatever you choose I wish you luck, you sound like a great guy and theres a lot of women looking for great guys.

12-09-2011, 09:47 PM	#1
joren Newbie I'm a Guy Living in Portland	Idle fucking hands.. Or minds? This winter has me very down, I need to be out on the road. I need better gear. But that's not the point of this post, the point is an ex, who has been a bff now for quite some time. The girl in question was my girlfriend of 3 or so years back in high school. We had a lovely relationship, and thought we would get married one day (someone proposed, I forget exactly who.) We ended up breaking up due to either me or both of us thinking that we where just being co-dependent. We've both moved on, had relationships, loss, etc, but throughout it we've stayed in touch. I've had a hard time with her telling me about her relationships; but I've kept her in my life, as she's wonderful to have in my life. I've told her I have a hard time with her telling me about her boyfriends, etc, and for the most part, she hasn't said anything for quite a while now (apart from recently saying she too gets cranky when she hasn't gotten laid (as a reply to a text saying "I'm good, apart from not being able to ride my mistress.")) ANYways, all that being said, we've been hanging out more often these days, and I've been more and more thinking about her and wanting her back. My hart sinks after I drop her off at home, and I'm left out in the cold, and sleeping alone. It tingles when she gives me a back rub, or when I give her a foot rub. I've mentioned in passing (probably almost a year ago) that we should maybe get back together, but she sort of shrugged it off. I find myself wanting to spend every day with her these days though. After reading a few of the "self help" sales mumbo jumbo, I'm realizing I might be doing our relationship harm. I buy her things, pay for dinner all the time, bend over backwards for her at time, and what I get in return is some companionship and backrubs. (read like hanging out once a week ish) I also put on my beset face possible. I've issues, some of which I'm sure she knows about, some of which I hide, I'm not sure if that's relevant. Should I just keep going with the way things are? Should I tell her how I feel and see if it's reciprocated? Should I learn to dance tango and wow her? (she's a supper good tango dancer, though I probably couldn't learn without making ripples in the local tango scene.) Should I show her this post? She cares about me, allot, and shows it, but I need more. I need a partner. (that sounds very co-dependent, but I'm sure it's how we're wired ) I want to share all the magic I've found with my moto with someone special to me. I want to have someone to cuddle with through these LONG AS FUCKING WINTERS /me sulks off to sleep (hopefully) Last edited by joren; 12-09-2011 at 09:56 PM.

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12-09-2011, 09:54 PM	#2
joren Newbie I'm a Guy Living in Portland	That other girl from a few months ago turned out to be bat shit crazy btw. (not that I probably didn't already know that) She moved to Florida for someone she met on okc and the first night she got there she got black out drunk and peed on his couch. Women are AWESOME, no?

12-09-2011, 09:56 PM	#3
joren Newbie I'm a Guy Living in Portland	also, it's been around 7 years since we broke up... I'm getting fucking old.

12-09-2011, 10:12 PM	#4
joren Newbie I'm a Guy Living in Portland	Should I just immerse myself in projects and in bettering myself? I do want a sail boat, that would be a gigantic project, but whenever I think about it, I imagine "her" sailing the world with me.

12-11-2011, 01:02 AM	#5
joren Newbie I'm a Guy Living in Portland	I talked to her, and she has no interest. Can this thread be deleted somehow?

12-14-2011, 01:01 PM	#6
MrsD Married and then some. I'm a Female Living in Crazytown Looking for Conversation Humor is Goofy Have a Unique fashion style Blog Entries: 5	Oh wow I haven't been on the boat for awhile hard to believe I know. LOL I'm sorry and like the old saying goes why buy the cow when the milks free. Just like most guys girls want either what they can't have or what they think they might loose. You can't show all your cards ever ! I don't understand co-dependant most relationships are to a point I think. I never really seen it as a bad thing. As harsh as this sounds you need some new journeys in life new projects, new desires and new women so then you can find the new you One who is not stuck in desires of an old flame..winter does suck by the way.. for me Thank God for snowmobiles or my hubby would go crazy...so learn to Sail. The sea is a mistress herself she will excite, calm and frighten you just be safe she can also be a mean bitch. Maybe you will sail the rivers whatever you choose I wish you luck, you sound like a great guy and theres a lot of women looking for great guys.